Ginga Densetsu Weed parody: episode twenty

Cutscene

At Gajou, Hougen is none too pleased about GB’s escape. He takes his anger out on Gin.

Hougen: I know I’m destined to be defeated by the end of the series, but for now, I’m in charge! And I say it’s time to initiate the beginning of phase one of the final battle. Move out!

Mission Briefing

GB draws a vague map using sticks and stones.

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Weed: Thanks, GB, with this accurate intelligence we can finally make a move. Enter Briefing Mode!

Stills from a magic CCTV are displayed onscreen.

Weed: As we can see, Hougen’s forces have split into five separate divisions; Hougen (large red triangle), Kamakiri and the three remaining generals of evil (smaller red triangles). They greatly outnumber us, so what I propose to do is split up our forces. Women and low level fighters, go with Mel, the rest of you come with me. Oh, except you, Kyoushiro.

Kyoushiro: How can you leave me behind? You know I’m hot-headed and need to be on the front lines.

Weed: I’m sorry, Kyoushiro, but we might need an unexpected plot twist or deus ex machina later on. That’ll be your job.

There is some more discussion, but in true Dynasty Warriors style the player of the game skips it.

Victory conditions: Defeat Hougen (don’t kill him though, or there won’t be any material left for the next six episodes).

Defeat conditions: Weed is defeated; viewer gets bored and closes media player.

Mission start

Weed’s forces are spying on Hougen.

Weed: This is only episode twenty, but there is no doubt- I must fight Hougen now.

Meanwhile, Mel’s team are swimming downriver.

GB: Why are we swimming?

Mel: It gives us something to do whilst the other dogs fight.

Campaign message: Weed’s forces have encountered Hougen’s forces!

Weed: The battle is joined.

Brown dogs kill each other whilst Weed waits for his Musou gauge to fill. Finally, it is ready.

Weed: Flames of Hell, vanquish the wicked! …I mean, Battouga!

Hougen: You fool, you cannot defeat me yet! There are still six more episodes after this one!

Hougen is knocked headfirst into the snow by Weed’s attack. A short victory track is played. Weed’s forces retreat just as the other four Hougen squads arrive.

Kamakiri: How convenient for the plot.

Post mission

Back at the river, Kyoushiro is nowhere to be found. He has snuck away from the “women and children” party and run into Jerome.

Kyoushiro: Jerome! Why are you still hanging around here?

Jerome: I’m just here to hand you your revised script, as you can see there are some exciting changes in store for your character

Jerome hands Kyoushiro his new lines and departs for off-screen-land. Kyoushiro’s underlings arrive.

Random dog: Kyoushiro, if you’re going to go off your own, then we’re coming with you!

Kyoushiro: Look, the whole point of going off your own is that no one is supposed to come with you.

Kyoushiro starts attacking the nameless dogs.

Random dog: What are you doing?

Kyoushiro: I’m sorry, but this is what the script told me to do. I’m supposed to make you hate me by pretending to join Hougen; this will toughen you up and put me in prime position to betray Hougen later on. Oh, and look, some Hougen forces are on their way over here as we speak- you’d better get going.

The nameless dogs depart as a Hougen squad arrives.

Minor EVILZ dog: Hey, what are you doing here?

Kyoushiro: Who, me? I’m just a minor dog who randomly wants to join up with you, definitely not a named character from the OP.

Minor EVILZ dog: Okay, come with us.

Weed’s team are now swimming downriver.

Rocket: Great job you did there, defeating Hougen.

Weed: I’m sorry, Rocket, but the series isn’t over yet. That was just Hougen’s first form. Enter magic CCTV mode.

Cut to Hougen as he explains how he sacrificed an underling to survive.

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Hougen: That was only my first form! I shall transform at least three more times before the end, so bring plenty of Phoenix Down!

Hougen tuns to Kamakiri, and tosses him into the river.

Kamakiri: What was that for?

Hougen: You should have arrived sooner and finished off Weed so that we could get the perfect ending in Musou Mode.

Kamakiri: You know, this whole ‘ruling by intimidation’ thing is getting old. You do realise it will be your downfall, don’t you?

Hougen: I’ve spent an entire season being an ugly bastard; I’m not about to change now.

Cut back to Weed and his party as they return to base.

Random dog: Bad news, Weed, it looks like Kyoushiro has defected.

Weed: Well, that puts a crimp in my plans, but never mind, I know it will all work out by the end.

Toube approaches.

Toube: As a former general of evil now turned to the side of good, I’d like to offer my services as a double agent.

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Weed: Happy to have you on board. Of course, since you are a brown dog, you’ll probably die in the line of duty, but I take it you’re fine with that?

Toube: Of course; you see, in the space of an episode I have finally found where I belong! Now, if only I could find a way to take these leather straps off.

Weed: Oh no, you mustn’t do that- you’d be indistinguishable from Moss, Musashi, and even nameless brown dogs.

Toube: I understand, sir- once again, you have shown me the light.

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Our heroes are outnumbered and the situation is grim; hold onto the edge of your seat as you prepare for the next exciting episode of Ginga Densetu Weed!

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One Response to Ginga Densetsu Weed parody: episode twenty

  1. RayJ says:

    nameless brown dogs XD

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