Utawarerumono parody episode 20

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Hakuoro here. Thanks to my efforts in Na-tunk, the threat of either Derihourai or Suonkasu stealing Karura away from me has been eliminated. Although I have happily returned to my castle to enjoy the benefits of being emperor of such a varied harem, I know that I must shortly turn my attention to acquiring a new member- namely Kunnekamun emperor Kuuya…

One evening, Genjimaru’s granddaughter Sakuya infiltrates Hakuoro’s castle. As the generic guards chase after her, she runs into Hakuoro’s room.

(Hakuoro: How dare someone disturb me whilst I’m filling out my harem scrolls? Oh wait, it appears to be an unfamiliar woman- what an interesting development.)

Hakuoro deliberate misdirects the guards so that he can spend some time with Sakuya.

Sakuya: Hakuoro-sama? I’ve come to take you to see Kuuya-sama.

(Hakuoro: Excellent- she is a far more attractive choice than old Genjimaru.)

Hakuoro: Let’s go.

Eruruu spots Hakuoro and Sakuya sneaking out of the castle.

(Eruruu: So, not only has he built a harem, but he’s sneaking off with yet another woman! This is the last straw!)

Eruruu follows Hakuoro and Sakuya as they go to meet Kuuya.

Kuuya: Hakuoro, this is unacceptable! How dare you be late for our date?

(Hakuoro: She acts as if she were the master and I the harem member.)

Kuuya: Anyway, onto business. The time has come for me to add a member to your harem.

(Hakuoro: I have to admit, she is a fast worker.)

The eavesdropping Eruruu cannot help but exclaim out loud at this development. She is brought out into the open to meet with Kuuya.

Kuuya: Don’t worry, Eruruu, I’m not thinking of usurping your place in the harem. Instead, I will be sending Sakuya. She’s a hard worker, and skilled in bed.

(Hakuoro: This is all that I have asked for, and yet, it feels too easy…almost like cheating.)

Sakuya: Kuuya-sama, are you sure about this?

Kuuya: Sakuya, I have enjoyed having you as my HARD YURI love slave, but the time has come for you to experience new things.

(Hakuoro: I must think this over- accepting Sakuya as a harem member could lower my chances of Kuuya herself joining.)

Hakuoro: Perhaps Sakuya should stay with you for now.

Kuuya: What a good idea! It’s the opposite of what I just wanted, but I now feel it is the best course.

(Eruruu: What a relief.)

Kuuya: Anyway, I had better get back, wars to fight, people to kill, you know how it is.

The next day, Hakuoro has Benawi teach him about Kunnekamun and its neighbouring states.

(Hakuoro: Good old Benawi, he always knows these trivial little things.)

Benawi: Kunnekamun may seem like a weak country, but I’m given to understand they have many named characters. That will no doubt turn the tide in their favour.

Later, Hakuoro is distracted when he discovers that Kamyu has been sucking Aruruu’s blood in a HARD YURI bondage game.

(Hakuoro: I knew that there was HARD YURI going on in the background, but to flaunt it so openly?)

Urotorii: Aruruu, you must be more careful when carrying out HARD YURI.

Hakuoro: Everyone, we must find Kamyu immediately!

Oboro: Yuzuha, go back to your room. I don’t want you getting mixed up in HARD YURI.

(Yuzuha: Too late, brother.)

Everyone begins searching for Kamyu. For some reason, it takes until night-time for Hakuoro to find her.

Kamyu: Oji-sama, I’m sorry…it’s just that I’m always different, always the odd one out! I wanted to be HARD YURI with everyone else.

Hakuoro: It’s okay, Kamyu, I don’t mind…

(Hakuoro: Perhaps I truly cannot fight HARD YURI, but it doesn’t really matter, as long as the girls are there for me when I need them.)

Kamyu returns to Aruruu and Yuzuha for more HARD YURI.

Meanwhile, Kanhorudari and his forces are advancing on Kunnekamun.

Kanhorudari: Forward, generics! REAL MEN like me are duty bound to crush all this HARD GAY and HARD YURI nonsense!

Kanhorudari’s troops are soon confronted by giant Avu Kamuu mecha.

Kuuya: I love war! Kill them all!

Kanhorudari: Don’t worry, men, they’re just massive mecha! They can’t hurt unprotected Woptar cavalry like ourselves!

Led by Kuuya, Hien and Hauenkua, the Avu Kamuu forces begin slaughtering Kanhorudari’s men.

Hauenkua: You fool! We have more named characters than you do! Hahahaha!

Kanhorudari stands around and watches as his men are turned into a bloody rain.

Kanhorudari: Wait, you can’t kill me! I haven’t had enough screentime yet!

Kanhorudari charges in, and is sliced in half by Kuuya.

Kuuya: I hate war! Killing is horrible! No, hang on a moment, mercy is for the weak. Kill them all!

Hien: Uh, sir, didn’t we do that already?

Kuuya: Then let’s advance and kill some more!

Back in Tusukuru, Hakuoro hears about the defeat of Kanhorudari’s forces. Later that night, Sakuya takes him to see Kuuya again. She is standing by her Avu Kamuu.

(Hakuoro: What is that large mecha doing here? Is Kuuya into FMA cosplay?)

Kuuya: It’s been a long time, Hakuoro, almost two days, but I finally got the chance to travel halfway across the continent to see you for a few hours.

Hakuoro: I appreciate your efforts.

Kuuya: I’ve been busy, you know, slaughtering people, turning them into bloody masses of organs. It’s really quite fun, you know, once you get the hang of it.

(Hakuoro: I hate it when women talk about themselves so much.)

Hakuoro: That’s all very nice, but perhaps we should talk about something more interesting…like me, for example.

Kuuya: Did I just say war was fun? What I meant to say was that it’s a terrible thing. So many people dying at my hands, it’s just awful.

In due time, Kanhorudari’s unwilling ally Bonahoi comes to ask Tusukuru for help.

(Hakuoro: Does it look like I would possibly care about such a generic character? Mind you, I may as well send Urotorii- that will keep the HARD YURI faction quiet for a while.)

Urotorii somehow journeys to Kunnekamun with little effort, and meets up with Hauenkua.

Urotorii: Look, we’re all named characters here- can’t we make peace?

Hauenkua: Peace? As early as episode twenty? I don’t think so. Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

Hauenkua leaves, and goes to see Dii, who is staring at the two halves of Kanhorudari’s body.

Hauenkua: You do remember the deal, don’t you, Dii? I help you with your research, and you turn me into a woman at no extra charge!

Dii:…

(Dii: I must remain calm. I will get some dialogue soon.)

Back in Tusukuru, Eruruu approaches Hakuoro.

Eruruu: Do we really need to get involved in this war? Isn’t the harem big enough already?

(Hakuoro: I’m sorry, Eruruu, but I must do my utmost to earn both Kuuya and Sakuya.)

Can our hero realise his plans for harem expansion, or will the Avu Kamuu just turn everything into a bloody mess? Find out next time.