Utawarerumono parody episode 21

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Hakuoro here. Although I could have easily won Sakuya for my harem, I chose to refrain in favour of the bigger picture. She may be somewhat inconsistent and difficult to predict, but I have my heart set on adding Emperor Kuuya to my harem, and no measure is too great if it can aid in bringing her to my side…

The Avu Kamuu attack the country of Erumui. Bonahoi pleads for mercy.

Bonahoi: Please don’t kill me! I’m a named character!

Hauenkua: Hahahaha! I’m a psychotic nun! I’ll kill whoever I want!

Erumui falls to Hauenkua forces. Later, he reports to Kuuya.

Kuuya: Why did you do such a thing? You know how much I hate killing.

Hauenkua: But sire, the other day you told us to kill them all!

Kuuya: Yes, you’re right, I understand.

Hien: Sire, I hate to be the voice of common sense, but shouldn’t we do something constructive like unite all the conquered countries?

Hauenkua: Yes, we shall unite them under our rule! And our tribe will be dominant- just as I am in our little bondage games, Hien.

Genjimaru enters.

Kuuya: Ah good, Genjimaru, can you help me decide what to do?

Genjimaru: Yes, sire. I believe we should fortify our borders.

Kuuya: Since that’s the most recent opinion I’ve heard, that’s what we’ll do.

Hien: But sire…

Genjimaru: Silence, grandson! We must not confuse the emperor further.

(Genjimaru:…and I thought she was supposed to always wear her mask when giving an audience.)

Meanwhile, Hakuoro wanders around his castle, checking on his harem. Karura invites him to have a drink with her.

(Hakuoro: Sorry, Karura, but I have already maxed out my relationship score with you. I must devote myself to developing other relationships.)

A couple more countries attack Kunnekamun, who respond with deadly force Kuuya surveys the corpse-strewn battlefield after the fight.

Kuuya: This is hideous. War is such an awful thing…

Hakuoro confers with his named comrades.

Hakuoro: I think we all know by now that no war can be settled by battles between generics alone. We will have to attend to the Kunnekamun situation sooner or later.

After the meeting, Hakuoro goes out to see Kuuya.

Kuuya: I was busy on the battlefield all day, but I always have time to slip away and see you, Hakuoro.

(Hakuoro: To be expected- I am the main character.)

Hakuoro and Kuuya talk for a time.

(Hakuoro: I must use my superior verbal manoeuvring to bring Kuuya to my side.)

Hakuoro: Everyone needs someone to depend on, there’s no shame in that, Kuuya.

Kuuya: Yes, you must depend greatly on Eruruu.

(Hakuoro: That’s not what I meant!)

Hakuoro: Yes, Eruruu is important (for tea-making), but there is still room for other women in my life. Just as you have both Genjimaru and Sakuya.

(Hakuoro: Come on, take the hint…)

Kuuya: Oh yes, I do have them, don’t I? Thank you for reminding me of that.

(Hakuoro: Damn, she’s just too thick-headed.)

The next day, Kuuya is back at her palace whilst the battle rages on. Hien and Hauenkua come to see her.

Hien: Sire, when you said that we’d be fortifying our borders, it didn’t realise it meant just as much killing as expanding them. Let’s just take out our Avu Kamuu and finish this.

(Kuuya: Help, I can’t make decisions on my own!)

Kuuya: Where is Genjimaru?

Hauenkua: He isn’t here right now, sire. You should just give the order for us to unite all the lands under your rule.

(Hauenkua: Sire, let me go out onto the battlefield! Only there can I forget the pain of being born a man when all I wanted to do was become a nun!)

Kuuya: Wait a minute, I’m the emperor here! I won’t just do what everyone tells me to do! Therefore, I believe we should do just what you have suggested.

The Avu Kamuu resume their march across the land.

(Kuuya: I love killing! This is great!)

After a successful battle, Kuuya confers with her named subordinates.

Hauenkua: Sire, the time has come to move on. Let us attack the Onkamiyamukai.

Kuuya: Excellent idea. We’ll begin tomorrow.

Genjimaru: What about Hakuoro? We went to all the effort of travelling to his castle every night, and now you’re going to throw that away?

Kuuya: Genjimaru, Hakuoro will do anything to add women to his harem. No matter what I do, I can always regain his friendship.

The next day, a handful of Avu Kamuu march on the Onkamiyamukai. Waabe and his generic mages respond by summoning fingers of earth and a gravity attack.

Waabe: I may only be one named character against many, but nothing can possibly go wrong.

Dii enters and the spell is cancelled.

Waabe: Dii! Why are you doing this? What are your goals, exactly?

Dii:…

(Dii: Foolish old man. My one aim is to spread HARD GAY across the world.)

At Hakuoro’s castle, Benawi reports that the Onkamiyamukai have fallen.

(Benawi: Why am I the only one who ever knows what’s going on? Oh well, I suppose I should be used to it by now.)

Kamyu: Onee-chan, what if something has happened to our father?

Urotorii: Kamyu, it’s okay- as a named character I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Dorii and Guraa rush in to report.

Dorii: No one thought to mention this before they were on top of us, but Kunnekamun are attacking Tusukuru! Kurou and Touka have been forced to retreat.

(Oboro: Although we have had our differences, I must go and help my HARD GAY comrade.)

Oboro turns to leave, but Hakuoro stops him.

Hakuoro: Until the right point in the plot, the Avu Kamuu will be invincible. We must evacuate the capital.

Everyone is shocked.

Benawi: I agree, that is the best course of action.

Everyone immediately accepts the idea.

Hakuoro: Eruruu and I are weak, so we will retreat. Everyone else, buy time for us.

The harem and HARD GAY division position themselves to face the oncoming Avu Kamuu. In due couse, Hauenkua and the others approach.

Hauenkua: Hahaha! This will be fun!

Can anything stop the relentless march of the Avu Kamuu? Find out next time.