Utawarerumono parody episode 22

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Hakuoro here. Even as I put all my efforts into adding Kuuya to my harem, she has been using her own harem and their Avu Kamuu FMA rejects to advance on my country. Now, my only choice is to flee to safety, whilst the comrades I have so carefully gathered for this moment risk their lives for my sake…

The Avu Kamuu relentlessly march on the Tusukuru capital. Regardless of whether or not they are seen attacking anyone, numerous generics are left in their wake. As they move forward, Kurou supervises a ballista attack, but even that is not enough, and he is knocked back.

(Benawi: Kurou! You may only be one step above a generic, but you must not die!)

Hauenkua: I was going to kill you all, but in light of your efforts, I think I’ll just kill you all!

As if to emphasise the seriousness of the situation, smoke spontaneously appears. Hauenkua continues his rampage.

Hien: Hau, we could finish the level much more quickly if you’d just head straight for Hakuoro.

Hauenkua: Contrary to popular belief, Hien, I am more than just a psychotic nun-wannabe. If I keep attacking the earth here in front of me, he’ll eventually come out.

As everyone plans the next phase of their retreat, Hakuoro approaches.

(Benawi: What’s he doing here? I thought the whole idea was for him to get away safely.)

(Hakuoro: I didn’t really want to put myself in danger, but on reflection my status as main character should keep me safe- and the alternative is to have my precious harem members lose their lives.)

Hakuoro rides out to confront Hauenkua.

Hauenkua: At last! Now I can kill you, become the main character, and get the character development I deserve!

Hakuoro: I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.

Hakuoro rides away and Hauenkua follows. Karura and Touka step in to stop Hien following.

Touka: Sorry, but Hakuoro-dono doesn’t have the stats to take on two of you.

(Hakuoro: I was hoping a plan would present itself in the last minute or two, but I’ve got nothing.)

Hakuoro finds himself trapped in a dead end. All he can do is dodge Hauenkua’s attacks whilst two generic Avu Kamuu stand and watch.

(Hauenkua: Damn, why can’t I hit him? Is this power of a main character?)

Finally, Hauenkua gets the upper hand.

Hauenkua: Now let’s begin our bondage game!

As Hauenkua goes for Hakuoro, Aruruu and Mukkuru attack.

(Hakuoro: Yes, Aruruu’s high defence stat will keep me safe.)

Hakuoro: Aruruu, run away! Don’t worry about me.

Aruruu: No.

(Hakuoro: Reverse psychology works every time.)

Hauenkua goes after Aruruu and Mukkuru. Their speed enables them to dodge for a time, but in due course they get hit.

Hakuoro: Stop!!!! Aruruu!!!!

(Hauenkua: Hahahaha! Everyone must share the pain I feel for not being a woman!)

(Hakuoro: No, I cannot lose a harem member at this stage!)

Hakuoro screams over Aruruu’s bloodied and unconscious body. Eruruu runs in just as Hauenkua stamps on them.

(Eruruu: No…all my tea-making was for nothing…)

Even as Hauenkua laughs, however, a black aura encases the foot of his Avu Kamuu, and monster Hakuoro emerges to attack.

(Monster-Hakuoro: This is what you get for trying to kill the main character!)

Hauenkua: Okay, generics, you can stop standing around and attack now!

The generics attack and are crushed by monster Hakuoro. A flashback mode activates, showing us a lab where a scientist surveys a fossilised monster.

Scientist: Could this be it? The key to creating the furry world I have always dreamed of?

A second scientist enters.

Scientist #2: I’m sorry, but your plans are unacceptable.

Scientist #2 shoots #1, but the blood soaks into the monster, transferring the will to create a furry world.

Back in the present, monster Hakuoro advances on Hauenkua.

Hauenkua: Oh no, he’s walking towards me very slowly! What do I do?

Hauenkua starts to run away, but monster Hakuoro suddenly jumps on him.

(Monster-Hakuoro: If you really were a woman, things could have been different, but instead I’m giving in to the HARD GAY passions I shared with Niwe!)

Hauenkua is ejected from his Avu Kamuu. He runs away as monster Hakuoro rips it apart.

Hauenkua: Mother Mary, help me!

Monster Hakuoro turns to Aruruu and Eruruu. As Aruruu revives, Eruruu suddenly remembers a time when she found an injured Aruruu in the forest.

Eruruu: Aruruu! Who am I going to be HARD YURI with now?

Monster Hakuoro appears.

(Monster Hakuoro: Even though this is my HARD GAY mode, I shall prepare for the days when I will want a harem. Thanks to this situation, I can score two women at once.)

Monster Hakuoro: I will save her life, but in return, you must give your body and soul to me, and become my personal tea maid.

Eruruu: Yes, I’ll do it!

Back in the present…

(Eruruu: I had forgotten how much I sacrificed just for HARD YURI with Aruruu.)

Some time later, Hakuoro reawakens in his human form.

(Hakuoro: What happened? Did I give in to HARD GAY again?)

Eruruu enters, bringing tea.

(Eruruu: Bringing tea and loving Hakuoro is my duty, but I now remember that I was originally a follower of HARD YURI.)

Hakuoro: What happened with Kunnekamun?

Eruruu: They’ve conveniently retreated for now, so everyone is safe.

(Hakuoro: At least the harem did not suffer. But what will happen if I keep turning HARD GAY?)

Is Hakuoro doomed to revert to his HARD GAY self? Will Eruruu break free and return to HARD YURI? Find out next time.