Jyu-oh-sei parody episode 9

At Night Ring, Thor stands outside Tiz’ room.

Thor: Tiz, please let me in; all I said was that I loved Karin instead of you- I don’t know why you’re so angry about a little thing like that.

Tiz opens the door.

Tiz: Look, I understand that you’re the main character, but at least let me be your second wife.

(Thor: Now that’s what I like to hear.)

Meanwhile, Karin goes to see Zagi.

Zagi: You know, Karin, I really have to thank you. I thought I could blind Thor with the power of my HARD GAY, but in the end, it was your feminine charms that won him over.

Karin: Zagi, what is it you want with Thor? Is it just HARD GAY?

Zagi: Of course not, it’s more plot related than that. Thor is just another tool.

Karin: You really are trying to set yourself up as an antagonist by belittling the main character like that.

Zagi: I’m bad to the bone, honey.

Karin: I hate you and want to kill you; therefore the logical thing for me to do now is to passionately kiss you.

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(Zagi: I still have my bad boy charm- and this black leather outfit probably doesn’t hurt, either.)

Zagi: Karin, enjoyable as this is, I’m afraid I’m going to have to loan you to Thor for a while so that you can spy on him.

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Karin: You went as far as having HARD GAY with Thor, but you still don’t trust him?

Zagi: I’m an antagonist; my character description says I’m not to trust anyone.

Karin: Even me?

Zagi: Who do you love more, Karin, me or Thor?

Karin: The man I’ve loved and followed for years, or the main character I met two episodes ago- hard choice.

Zagi: I see.

Zagi leaves. Karin staggers outside in order to randomly stumble around and call for Zagi. Eventually, she catches up with a hooded man whom she believes to be Zagi, but he stabs her in the chest.

(Karin: Zagi, I should be angry that you cut my screen time short, but in my twisted logic I understand that you killed me because you love me.)

Having heard her calls, Thor and Tiz run outside and find Karin’s body.

(Thor: This can’t be happening. I finally found a woman that I liked, and she got herself killed- now I’ll have to go back to Tiz!)

(Tiz: This is perfect- my rival is gone!)

Thor confronts Zagi and attacks him, slicing open his cheek.

Zagi: Are you so jealous of me that you would try to ruin my good looks?

Somehow, everyone automatically knows to gather around.

Third: It looks like those two will be battling for the position of Jyu Oh after all. It’s almost as convenient as if I had arranged it myself, er, I mean I would never do such a thing.

Zagi draws his ‘sword’ and begins to duel with Thor.

Chen: This is bad; as a BI master, Zagi has a second sword concealed on his arm. Even the power of a main character might be enough to match that.

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Thor knocks away Zagi’s ‘sword’.

Zagi: Cloak and Dagger!

Zagi tries to blind Thor with his cloak so that he can attack with the concealed blade, but it does not work.

Thor: Main Character Destiny Slash!

Thor counterattacks and slices open Zagi’s chest.

Zagi: Oh great, my outfit is ruined now.

Thor: Zagi, why did you kill Karin?

Zagi: If you had just talked to me before giving me this fatal wound, I would have been able to tell you that I didn’t kill Karin. I may be an antagonist, but I’ve always tried not to stray onto the path of fully generic evil.

Thor: If you didn’t kill her, then who did?

Thor approaches Zagi in order to find out the truth.

Zagi: I’d like to tell you, but that would spoil the suspense. I’ll give you a few clues- he’s an important HARD GAY OP character.

Zagi collapses.

Third: A new Jyu Oh is born!

Third approaches Thor.

(Thor: An important HARD GAY OP character…it couldn’t possibly be Third.)

Third: Come on, Thor, finish him off so that we can enjoy some celebratory HARD GAY.

As Third urges Thor to finish the job, Dagger Pagoda lights up.

Rada: It’s Dagger Pagoda- how does it know?

Third: Come on, Thor, it’s time to go and fulfil the original plot.

Thor: Zagi is still alive, I can’t leave him.

Third: Of course you can- we’ll just get the women to look after him whilst we fit young males enjoy some HARD GAY.

Thor: Erm, well, I’d like to look at Karin’s dead body one last time.

Third: Oh, okay then, but don’t be more than five minutes- the episode is about to end, after all.

Thor goes to say goodbye to Karin.

Thor: Karin, I don’t have any clue as to who killed you- in fact, I don’t even know what the plot of this series is supposed to be anymore. All I can do is trigger the Dagger Pagoda event and hope things work out.

Thor, Tiz and Third go to Dagger Pagoda, which opens up. As they enter, they meet three generics.

Generic: Well done, Thor Klein, you have cleared the Jyu Oh event.

To be continued.