Tuesday Rumble: December 12th

Since I don’t have much else to say in this section today, I’ll just let everyone who’s waiting for the next episode of the Mai-HiME RPG that the wait will be worth it- having delved into the world of scripting, I’ve been making some minor but satisfying changes to the battle system, as well as implementing a few other things. I may even try releasing a demo in the New Year.

How to be evil: mad science
The final part in our “How to Be Evil” series covers a very important aspect of any lair of evil- the obligatory mad scientist. Whether you want to become a mad scientist, or simply hire one, here are the main points to look out for.

  • You can’t just begin your career in mad science; for some reason, universities just don’t offer degrees in it. Instead, you must start off in a ‘respectable discipline’, only to get yourself laughed out of it for impracticable or outlandish theories. The rest of your career must be characterised by an intense hatred of your former peers, and a need to demonstrate your superiority to them all.
  • When it comes to choosing which direction to take, remember that the more outlandish your ambitions are, the better your standing the field of mad science will be. Perhaps you want to create squid/human hybrids, resurrect the dead, or open a gateway to another universe- the only limitation is your own imagination.
  • Once you have in mind what it is you want to do, the next thing is to find yourself a sponsor. Be sure to choose a rich villain who can furnish you with a lavishly appointed laboratory, but expect to pull overtime working on their projects as well as the ones you came up with yourself. If necessary, take in a young assistant for the purposes of fetching tea and generally being browbeaten.
  • It is equally important to dress the part; a labcoat is nigh essential in order to look the part, but beyond that, a lot depends on your personality. Younger scientists are advised to either be incredibly pasty-faced and earnest, or to adopt a calm and controlled veneer that just barely masks regular angry and violent outbursts. Older researchers should take little care in their appearance, and have a tendency to laugh out loud or randomly talk to themselves.
  • Finally, the most important requirement of any mad scientist is that you actually achieve your goal at some point. You will inevitably be defeated by the heroes (or your own creation) shortly afterwards, but for one brief moment you will have the satisfaction of gloating over the fact that, in the end, you were proven correct.

The Future of the Mai-franchise Part Four: Mai-Sumisu
john-smith.gifOut of all the many characters created for Mai-HiME and Otome, we at Sunrise are sure that few would disagree that the one most in need of additional screentime and development is none other than negotiator John Smith. After browsing the many John Smith fansites out there, and realising how the fans have taken him to their hearts in such numbers, we knew that we could do no less than give him his own series, Mai-Sumisu! This 52 episode series will chart the life of John Smith in excruciatingly fine detail; according to our previewers, “it’s so boring that you’ll wish you were dead!” Look forward to it!

Short parody: Asatte no Houkou

Hiro takes in Karada after his parents die.

(Hiro: This is great- at last I can have my own live-in loli!)

After a while, Shouko comes to Hiro’s home.

Shouko: I never knew you were into little girls, Hiro- this must be why you left me.

Hiro: I, uh…

At the wishing stone, Karada and Shouko exchange ages.

(Karada: Yay, now that I’m an adult I don’t have to take any more maths exams!)

(Shouko: Now I’m the right age to get back together with Hiro!)

Shouko tries to tell Hiro what happened.

Hiro: NOOOO!! My own personal loli- gone!

Shouko: But…I can be your loli.

Hiro: Hmm, I guess you can live with me for now, and we’ll see how it goes.

Karada decides to run away from home.

Karada: This shouldn’t be too difficult- I’ve seen this work out on loads of other anime series. If I just wander around randomly, I should easily be able to get part-time work.

Unfortunately, employers are not so easygoing.

Prospective employer: So, where’s your CV? Do you have any qualifications?

Karada: Uh, my qualification is being a named character in this anime.

Prospective employer: I’m sorry, but that’s just not good enough any more.

Karada: Oh no, I’m making a real mess of living in the real world, but I mustn’t give up and go home- instead I’ll just get on this train and see where it goes.

Hiro: I should probably find Karada, but who cares now that she isn’t a loli anymore?

*NEW* Screencap Pick ‘n’ Mix
A new feature that will be appearing from time to time, Screencap Pick ‘n’ Mix enables me to make use of those random screencaps that the world needs to see, but which I have no legitimate excuse to use elsewhere.

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Every boss is entitled to say “gwakaka, you cannot possibly defeat me!” mere minutes before his final defeat.

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Who hasn’t thought that when watching a magical girl series?

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Ishida reveals that he is ready for HARD GAY any time.

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Does this one even need a caption?

Weekly Awards

Puppet of the week: With the impending R1 DVD release of “Best Student Council” (aka Gokujou Seitokai), it seems only right to hold this award. Unfortunately, Gokujou’s Pucchan is simply too creepy to win the grand prize, which must instead go to Yukito’s puppet from Air.

I want that job revisited: An honourable mention for anime-related jobs that help you to avoid the real world must surely go to the position of Grunty Farm Manager. A far more reliable position than Chocobo Breeder (I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I just can’t get ostriches and chickens to mate), the Grunty Farm Manager’s duties include tending and raising grunties, breeding new grunty types, and collecting grunty foods. The perfect position for all grunty fans.

Bizarre steed of the week: J-RPG players have no doubt got used to the idea of riding giant birds around, and even the grunty is a more familiar sight than it once was, but where these mounts have become almost commonplace, one will always be somewhat bizarre- the whelk from Breath of Fire IV. Hard as it may be to believe, part of the game requires the player to ride a giant whelk- a fact that has proven to be an endless source of amusement over the years.

Cereal of the week: Although neither of these cereals actually exists in anime, both deserve to be given a mention- first, Shin-O’s, the tasty hoops endorsed by Shino of .hack//Roots, and second, Cluster Edge, a tasty cluster cereal named after an unpopular anime.

OST Spotlight: .hack//SIGN OST 1
Yuki Kajiura is well known for her skilful blending of orchestrals and synth, and nowhere is her skill more evident than in the music of .hack//SIGN and Liminality. This, the first of CDs, is arguably the best of the quartet, a collection of atmospheric vocal and instrumental pieces that capture the perfectly capture mystery of The World. Even after almost two years of regularly listening to it, it remains my favourite anime OST.

Notable tracks: Yasashii Yoake (ED), The World, Key of the Twilight, Obsession (OP)

In Your Reflection
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This week’s head-to-head pits Sakura Wars’ Ohgami against Utawarerumono’s Hien; as well as sharing similar hairstyles, both are upstanding and honourable military men in a predominantly female cast.

Amusing Search Terms

your toube, you toube: if my blog shows up in Google for you toube, don’t click on it!

pr0n toube: the adult cousin returns.

hacker audition, hack audition: the comeback continues.

cat on acid: why are people searching for this?

ginga pr0n:

t: this is the top result for Googling t. Oddly enough, my poor unloved shadow blog also gets searches for the letter t- I’m just renowned for my imaginative use of the letter.

under flame HiME: should I be worried that so many searches make no sense whatsoever?

.hack/roots pr0n, .hack// roots pr0n: sorry, but Haseo prefers to conduct his HARD GAY offscreen.

d.gray-man+weekly jump: I just included this one because anyone who has to come here for D.Gray-man info must be in a bad way.