Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 10

Mokkun goes into Masahiro’s room, only to find that he has been possessed by Takao no Kami, the Kifune dragon god.

Mokkun: Wow, Masahiro, you’re a lot better looking now- I mean, don’t you dare do anything to the main character that might jeopardise my position on the show.

Takao no Kami: Now really- have you forgotten already that I was the deus ex machina who saved you last episode? If the plot requires it, I may even help out again.

Mokkun: You didn’t need to come here just to tell me that.

Takao no Kami: You’re right, for I actually came here with important plot information. The evil foreign demons have begun to act.

Mokkun: Well, thanks for that vague restatement of something I already knew. I’ll be sure to take your words under advisement.

Takao no Kami leaves just as Seimei enters.

Seimei: Wow, main characters even manage to get the attention of gods; not that I’m jealous of that annoying and undeserving pipsqueak…uh, I mean, so those evil foreign demons have begun to act, eh? It’s good to finally have some specific information on that.

The next day, Masahiro seems to have recovered.

Masahiro: All right, I’ve done all my recovering off screen, but now that the cameras are rolling again, we’d better get back to business.

Mokkun: Are you sure? We could probably get away with a filler episode, maybe even a recap.

Masahiro: Are you kidding? It’s episode ten and I’m still only Level Three- I need to gain more EXP!

Masahiro and Mokkun head into town.

Masahiro: It’s amazingly convenient how none of the demons tried anything whilst I was recovering.

Masahiro and Mokkun meet Yukinari.

Yukinari: Oh, hello Masahiro- I’m just on my way to investigate reports of people being spirited away throughout the capital.

Masahiro: That sounds like a plot development to me! Will you be needing the help of a main character?

Yukinari: I’m sure we won’t be able to solve this without you. I’ll be counting on you to show up when the time is right.

Yukinari leaves.

Masahiro: This must be the work of those evil foreign demons. Should we go back to Kifune tonight, Mokkun?

Mokkun: Masahiro, you idiot, we’ve already completed the Kifune boss dungeon. Our next quest will be at a new location.

Masahiro: Yes, but I don’t know where that location is, so let’s just go to Kifune anyway. We might be able to find some treasure chests we missed the first time.

That evening, Masahiro and Mokkun go out. Rikugou follows a few paces behind, in plain sight of his targets.

(Rikugou: When it comes to surreptitiously trailing someone, I’m your man.)

Meanwhile, Seimei reports to Michinaga.

Michinaga: So, basically what you’re saying is that everything that has happened so far, from my daughter’s abduction to the fact that I cut myself shaving the other day, was caused by evil foreign demons?

Seimei: Yes, that’s about the face of it.

Michinaga: Well, I’m sure Masahiro will be able to take care of it…oh, and you and Yoshimasa might be of some use as well, I suppose.

Masahiro, Mokkun and Rikugou go to the Kifune shrine.

Masahiro: Kifune god, I’d like to thank you for your plot related help so far.

Mokkun: Rikugou, I know the other Spirit Summons are having trouble accepting it, but regardless of how useless he is, he is the main character.

Rikugou: If it’s okay with Seimei, it’s fine with me- I don’t really have a mind of my own.

Rikugou disappears, and Masahiro and Mokkun go home.

At Michinaga’s house, Akiko awakens to find minor demons assaulting the protective barrier, whilst the voice of Kyuuki is heard.

Kyuuki: Your part in the plot is not done yet, girl!

Akiko: Masahiro, help me…no, wait, I must not say anything to Masahiro. Instead of warning him about this situation in time to avert disaster, I will wait until it has deteriorated to the point where I am in mortal danger.

The next day, Masahiro visits Akiko.

Masahiro: Hello, Akiko, how are you? Has anything plot-related happened?

Akiko: Er, no…nothing at all.

Masahiro: Oh come on, you’re clearly hiding something.

Akiko: Well, I guess you’ve outmanoeuvred me. I just didn’t want to say anything about evil foreign demons appearing in case you went and endangered yourself to protect me.

Masahiro: I admit I’m only Level Three, but you’re a Level Zero girl in a shounen series! There’s no way you could defend yourself without help from a man. And anyway, if demons appear, I need to fight them and get the EXP, so be sure to tell me straightaway when they appear, okay?

Akiko: Oh, okay then.

Later, Masahiro goes home to deliver a letter to Seimei, whilst Akiko learns she is to be sent to court next summer.

Female generic: Isn’t this great, Akiko? One day, you may become the Mikado’s wife!

(Akiko: Wait, this isn’t right! I don’t want a life of riches and ease, for I am in love with the main character!)

Depressed and upset, Akiko wanders outside, only to see a spectre of Kyuuki.

Kyuuki: Gwakaka! I knew this opportunity would come eventually! Inconsistent powers of evil!

As Akiko is caught up in a dark aura, Seimei sense something is wrong.

Seimei: My plot sense is tingling! Come on, Masahiro, your next mission has revealed itself!

Masahiro: Mokkun, you first! That way you can act as a shield for me!

Masahiro, Mokkun and Seimei head towards the darkness that has engulfed Akiko. Minor demons of evil appear and start gloating.

Minor demons: Gwakakaka, it was so easy for our master to take control of the girl, which is why he usually chooses to stand back and do nothing!

Mokkun appears.

Mokkun: One hit kill! Flame Breath!

The minor demons are defeated.

Mokkun: I’m sorry, but Masahiro has low HP, and I can’t risk any of you hitting him! Guren Mode! Equip Flame Spear!

Seimei and Masahiro take a safer, less demon-filled route, and meet up with Michinaga.

Michinaga: You must protect Akiko- she is an OP character.

Seimei: Masahiro, you go on ahead. My age and experience is better put to use chatting to Michinaga. Michinaga, please do not be angry about what has happened here- it is all within the bounds of the plot.

Masahiro reaches Akiko. Black smoke is streaming from the cuts in her hand.

Masahiro: A curse…it’s like this was all planned by the writers. Thank goodness they also included these small bags of scent that repel evil.

After Mokkun and Seimei arrive, Masahiro ties a potpourri bag around Akiko’s wrist.

Seimei: Oh, by the way, Masahiro, Akiko is going to become an Imperial Bride- but never mind that, for first we must defeat the evil foreign demons.

(Seimei: Making him miserable helps to ease the pain of remembering that he is the main character.)

Masahiro: Yes, the foreign demons; they are indeed evil.

To be continued.

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