Spoiler Alert: Shameless Utawarerumono spoilers infect this week’s instalment.
So there I was the other night, sitting down to watch a rented anime DVD- when I opened the case and found ‘A Complete Mind, Body and Soul Workout’ instead. I can understand accidentally getting sent the wrong volume of a series, but how on earth did that get mixed up with an anime disc? Oh well, the mysteries of Tesco are many and varied…
Had enough of playing Harvest Moon? Why not try this new variant on the series- Vineyard Sun? After your grandfather died, his precious vineyard went to wrack and ruin, and only you, a city boy with no prior knowledge of grapes, can put it right.
Vineyard Sun is, surprisingly enough, all about the planting of vines and the harvesting of grapes over an ever increasing area of land. Once the grapes ripen, you must also purchase Wine and Juice Makers with which to transform the harvest. In later years, Raisin, Sultana, Sherry, Port and Champagne Makers become unlocked, as do different types of grapes.
The care of the vines is especially important- they are susceptible to getting over or under-watered, being choked by weeds, rotting and being attacked by weevils. Be sure to take good care of your fruit, for if you survive ten game years of play, your reward is infinite years of further grape harvesting.
Do you feel that Busou Renkin is lacking something? Maybe you think it would be a lot better if it had more fat cats? In that case, the new series Mewsou Renkin (Paws Alchemy) is for you. Follow the adventures of Mikoto and her Alchemic Warriors as they fight homunculi and defend us all from such villains as Fishface, Dr. Doberman and Vermillion. Look forward to it!
“My Zhuge Liang just wants more and more.”
“Fancy some HARD GAY tonight?”
“If we can get HARD GAY from him, we should be sure to give him due praise.”
“Yes, I’m thinking of switching to HARD YURI.”
One for every day of the week.
“STRAIGHT doesn’t really excite me anymore.”
“That’s the right approach to take in the bedroom.”
“In the end, it’s all about Zhuge Liangs and melons.”
“Did you have HARD GAY again last night?”
“It went well.”
“Now that I’ve settled on HARD YURI, who should my partner be?”
Short parody: Vampire Princess Miyu TV
Miyu encounters a Shinma in human form.
Shinma: Ah, it’s time for the fight of the week! Transform into Ugly Mode.
Miyu: Standard Flame Attack!
The fire attack fails.
Shinma: Gwakaka- that will never work!
Miyu: Larva! Fight this guy for me.
Larva appears and softens up the shinma.
Miyu: Standard Flame Attack- Redux! Stray Shinma, go to the darkness!
This time the flame attack inexplicably works.
(Miyu: Ah, the sweet taste of victory, and it was thanks to me and my lone attack. Certainly it had nothing to do with the underling who I somehow defeated despite the fact that he always appears to be stronger than me).
Miyu: Good work, Larva. Now let’s spend the night hanging around this park.
(Larva: I am so bishie that I must not take this mask off too often, lest my good looks blind the viewers.)
Anime of the month: Walking away with the prize this month is Gankutsuou from the DVD division, with SaiMono and Chevalier sharing the prize for more current series.
Manga of the month: For its strong resurgence onto the scanlation scene (damn you, Tokyopop, why did you never actually release it), the enjoyable Spiral earns an award.
Apples of the month: Apples continue to appear wherever they can, but their top appearance goes to Deltora Quest, where they prove to be HP restoring items.
Angst of the month: Red Garden may seem to be cornering the market as far as modern angst is concerned, but even it cannot manage the ancestor of all angst and HARD YURI- Oniisama E.
Fat Cat of the Month: Returning for a brief appearance in the second episode of Mai-Otome Zwei ensures that fat cat Mikoto is back on top (and when she’s on top, everything underneath is bound to get squashed).
Start Looking Out For…: Whilst Nodame Cantabile introduces lemons to the fruit line-up, the humble walnut is also starting to gain momentum. From Winry’s walnut handled utensils in FMA to the walnuts Shuu cracks in Twin Spica, they represent a new and vital force in the fruit and nut revolution.
Peaches have also made an appearance.
Here are the lemons, returning after a brief role on Red Garden.
This sort of wild berry can also be found in Mineral Town.
HARD GAY corner: Suikoden I
Having grown up under the care of his father and ‘manservant’ Gremio, young McDohl was exposed to HARD GAY from an early age, and even found a partner in best friend Ted. Nothing could prepare him for what was to come, however, for one fateful night he became the bearer of the True HARD GAY rune, and was thus fated to search for 107 other bed partners.
In order to keep all possible partners happy, McDohl vowed to recruit women as well as men, hoping to attract those who were interested in BI (he later allowed kobolds in for the sake of bestiality. With the aid of such assistants as confirmed HARD GAY pairing Victor and Flik, bedroom strategist Mathiu Silverberg and any number of gender-bending characters, McDohl’s army swore to overthrow Emperor Barbarossa, who had long since strayed from the HARD GAY path due to the corrupting influence of STRAIGHT.
Inevitably, the forces of HARD GAY won the day, but with an additional bonus- those able to harness the BI of all 108 warriors were able to resurrect Gremio, one of several in-game casualties caused by the intense HARD GAY of McDohl’s True Rune. For some characters, however, this one dose of HARD GAY was not enough, and they would be fated to appear again in Suikoden II…
- The Third (???): Oh dear, do we really keep having to have those “haven’t they, haven’t they, let’s guess who the licensor is and what they’ve licensed”. Just give it a rest and tell us what you’re offering and when we can buy it. Not that I plan to buy The Third; I couldn’t even make it past the first episode and its giant ants and spiders.
- FLAG (Bandai): I tried to like FLAG, but after struggling through two episodes, I realised it was just a bit too dull and ponderous for me; in fact, it even made question whether I had really enjoyed the creators’ earlier series Gasaraki or whether I had just convinced myself I liked it through repeated viewings.
Mini-editorial: In defence of Ichigo Mashimaro
Due to its largely underage cast, IM has received something of a bad rap for being a series purely designed to titillate those with an unhealthy interest in little girls (especially as the lead character also seems to be a lolicon). While it no doubt attracts this kind of viewer whilst making the ‘honest’ audience feel guilty about enjoying it, I felt it was about time I said a few words in the series’ defence (I’m only covering the anime here since I haven’t started the manga just yet).
Much like sister series Yotsuba&, IM is essentially about the day to day lives of a group of young people. There is no plot to speak of, merely a collection of rather trivial events and mini-adventures. Why, then, would any right-thinking person want to watch something that, on the surface of it, sounds quite boring?
The answer must surely lie in the fact that the presentation of the series is what turns the otherwise routine and mundane into the compelling and addictive. Not only do the onscreen antics evoke nostalgia for simpler times (as they are intended to do for older readers), but the fact that our youthful protagonists are often discovering and exploring these things for the first time makes them fresh and new again. Add to that an ample sprinkling of humour and some top notch character interactions and repartee, and suddenly what once seemed dull is something far from it.
Of course, at the end of the day, IM won’t be to everyone’s tastes, and this isn’t really meant to be a full review of the series, just a hopeful plea that potential viewers won’t be put off by its lack of plot and underage protagonists. This is one series that has the power to be simple and charming, and certainly shouldn’t be written off on the basis of a vague grasp of its infamous reputation.
OST Spotlight: Arc Twilight of the Spirits
The game may be nothing special but the soundtrack nonetheless manages to hold its own, and unlike most game OSTs, each track tries to build on a theme rather than just looping it several times. Since several different composers worked on it there’s a wide range of styles, from guitar-led battle tracks, to military style brass themes, and other game staples such as ‘quiet village’.
Unfortunately, the CD misses out a number of important pieces such as Bebedora’s theme and Darc’s random battle music; there are fan ripped versions of some of these but it is disappointing that they weren’t included on the official OST.
Notable tracks: Moonlight, Ordeal, Spirit Guidance, Fierce Battle
Worthiness: It may not be a candidate for the top ranks, but it’s surprisingly listenable.
Harem of the week: Hakuoro- Utawarerumono
He wears a mask so that he can carry out his sordid acts in complete anonymity, and plans to create an empire of lolis. The world could have been his but for that meddling Dii and his Avu Kamuu.
Aruuruu: The underage girl, she never had an H-scene in the game, but got two special CGs and some “I want to sleep with Daddy” pieces in the anime.
Eruuruu: The backup girl and tea maker, previously made a contract to join the harem.
Yuzuha: The sick girl, although she managed to bear Hakuoro’s child before dying in the game.
Kamyu: Another underage girl, but this one’s a magic user with wings. She houses the spirit of HARD YURI Mutsumi, but that only becomes a problem later on.
Karura: The strong and powerful one, also the best character in the series (not that I’m biased or anything…).
Urotorii: The calm mage and wise older woman; keeps the other girls happy with HARD YURI.
Touka: Devoted bodyguard with an innocent heart- will do anything for her master.
Kuuya: Foreign empress with a taste for night-time trysts; by the time she officially joins the harem, however, her mental age has reverted to that of a young child.
Sakuya: Offered as a concubine but only joins the harem properly as Kuuya’s carer.
Oboro: Had a more than brotherly interest in Yuzuha but eventually asked Hakuoro to keep her happy whilst he sought solace in HARD GAY.
Orikakan: Once had Touka on his side, but his death put an end to his opposition.
Mukuru: The tiger wanted Aruruu, but only Daddy could give her special attention.
Fashion police: Dias
Dias is supposed to be a worthy and bishie swordsman, but not only is his performance in battle disappointing, so is his attire. The tunic, trousers and hastily added cloak combo was never going to impress with this particular design, but whilst the cut of the clothes is disappointing, it is nothing compared to the hideously clashing colours. Although he looks better in sprite form, this official artwork reveals the true horrors of his “bad taste rainbow” of red, dark orange, mustard yellow, mid-green and Dii blue. The end result is that his costume resembles a cross between that of a budget vintage movie actor and a poorly attired Doctor Who wannabe.
Fashion sense: F
Amusing Search Terms
kamui gay: Didn’t you see the way he looked at Fuuma?
moon watch february 16th: Moon~
audition hack, audition perfect hack
large boobs: F-cup.
how can i hack cash from auditions: I don’t know, but if you get any cash, donate some to me.
Fruits Basket Dress up games: “Let’s play Furuba bondage- I’ll be Akito”.
Download Moe Kare manga
OURAN HIGE: Harima makes a cameo in Ouran.
panties animation: Najica.
Harvest Moon shoujo fARM: What’s the difference between a shoujo farm and a regular farm? Does one have more angst?
gay dragonball z: “Vegeta, let’s forget about the fighting and head straight to the bedroom.”
The Damned – Smash It Up Part 1
harvest moon: where are my chickens eggs: try the henhouse.
D.I.C.E. season 2: No, not D.I.C.E., Dicemasters!
cover season tsubasa: filler season, perhaps.
how to draw a monster: take one pencil and one piece of paper.
harvest moon hack
ALL Living ThingS rpg maker xp
Ｓａｖｅ ｔｈｅ Ａｌｌ �