Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 16

Robin, d’Eon and Teillagory are back at their safe house.

Robin: Is it really okay to be back here?

Teillagory: We need to have HARD GAY, and this is a good place for it. If you’re worried that someone might come in and see how small you are, just move to somewhere where they can’t see.

Robin: At any rate, I hope Durand is okay.

Teillagory: I doubt he is. We’re getting late enough in the series now that Main Character Protection has probably been switched off. He’s probably undergoing all sorts of bondage sessions right now…oh, how I wish I was there…

d’Eon: Anyway, we must get on with the plot. Let’s start thinking of a way to get in touch with the Queen.

Meanwhile, Sandwich sits by the corpse of Whitehead.

Sandwich: Whitehead, you were taken from us just one night too soon… Robespierre, has the Frenchman revealed any techniques yet?

Robespierre: No, but I doubt a man of his HARD GAY level would ever reveal such things to an outsider.

Sandwich: I must discover them, and then try them out with these hands! But if he will not speak, what’s the point in keeping him around?

Robespierre: If we have him, the other main characters will surely follow, and then you can pick and choose who you have HARD GAY with.

Robespierre goes to visit Durand, who has just had an S&M session with some generics.

Robespierre: I take you realise that you have only been saved to become my love slave?

Durand: I’m flattered, but I fear you overestimate my skills.

Robespierre takes a letter out of his jacket.

Robespierre: I’ve already seen these photos of the King’s Zhuge Liang, and I have to say they are most unimpressive. Could you really be happy with a lover as small as this? Can you even guarantee that somewhere along the line he won’t dump you?

Durand: What about you? Is your current lover satisfying you?

Robespierre: Ah, touché…I have to admit it- I want you.

Back in Versailles, Pompadour tosses some documents to the ground.

Pompadour: This is unacceptable! This script gives me far too little screen time!

Louis and Broglie are looking at the same script.

Louis: Ah, look at this! Pompadour will be fuming at how little screen time she has.

Broglie: Indeed.

(Broglie: I could use more screen time myself- or at least a few more lines.)

At the embassy, Guercy looks at his broken ‘sword’.

(Guercy: I haven’t kept this in good condition, but at least I have had good HARD GAY.)

Robespierre and Sandwich enter.

Robespierre: We’d like a favour from you.

(Guercy: Could Robespierre himself want HARD GAY?)

Robespierre: By now you must be aware that there is no place for you back in France. Why don’t you join us in promoting the English methods of HARD GAY? We’ll even pay you.

Sandwich opens a chest filled with coins.

Guercy: I know I have earned a reputation for sleeping with anybody for the right price, but that is most definitely not the right price for something as radical as this. French techniques have served me well all my life- what can England do for me?

Sandwich: Once you learn the English ways, all sorts of men here will want to sleep with you. You’ll be set for life. Why, even the King will want to sleep with you.

On cue, the King of England enters.

George: Come, Guercy- England awaits your contribution to its HARD GAY.

(Guercy: I don’t want to stray away from France, but England does have tea…)

Guercy reluctantly shakes hands with the King.

Meanwhile, d’Eon goes to visit the Queen.

Charlotte: Since I prefer to spend time with women, let’s make this quick.

d’Eon: Your Majesty, whilst it is true that we are being hunted for crimes we did actually commit, since we are main characters, we don’t feel it’s really right for us to be held responsible for breaking the law. The plot rests with us, and any obstruction could derail the entire series!

Charlotte: Hmm, I see your point. Very well- you have two days to do what you must to get the plot back on track. Just don’t squander it all by having group HARD GAY.

d’Eon: Thank you.

Charlotte: d’Eon, you must remember to embrace your Lia Mode. Why, I myself am a HARD YURI Junction of myself and my sister, together in the same body for the ultimate union. It was Lia and Robespierre themselves who made such things possible.

(d’Eon: Is there nothing Lia hasn’t tried?)

Charlotte: Now, if I give you some information vital to the plot, will you turn into Lia and let us have HARD YURI?

(d’Eon: Lia, Lia, Lia! How many times do I have to tell everyone that I’m the main character?)

d’Eon leaves. Meanwhile, Teillagory and Robin wander around town, disguised by hats.

(Teillagory: These hats render us completely unrecognisable.)

d’Eon approaches, but he doesn’t seem well.

Teillagory: Looks like you need some HARD GAY to cure what ails you. Let’s go.

At his abbey, Dashwood uses his special ‘Magic Writing’ skill to summon Robespierre without ever getting up from his villain’s chair.

(Dashwood: If only magic CCTV had been invented already)

Robespierre: Ah, it looks like a boss battle is at hand. Well, it’s about time.

To be continued…