Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 19

Lia-d’Eon stands over Dashwood’s body.

(Lia-d’Eon: He did not have the stamina for BI.)

Teillagory sheathes his sword.

(Teillagory: The old antique will have to wait a bit before it gets some action.)

Dashwood’s blood has formed a message telling the heroes to go to the New World.

(D’Eon: Damn, does this mean he wants us to have an America arc? I don’t want to leave Europe, so I’ll just ignore it).

Robin tries to have BOOK with the Book of HARD GAY.

Teillagory: Hey, let me have a go.

Durand: No, it’s my turn.

Meanwhile, d’Eon steps away from Dashwood, whilst his followers close in.

(D’Eon: They probably want CORPSE with him. I should get out of the way.)

The others show him the book.

Robin: We tried to have BOOK with it, but it seems we weren’t HARD GAY enough to activate it.

D’Eon: Give it to me.

D’Eon opens the book, which starts revealing the names and descriptions of French kings. D’Eon closes it.

D’Eon: We must not see any more- the HARD GAY is so intense that it could blind us.

(D’Eon: This book is filled with important HARD GAY information, and even a Who’s Who of lovers! The others are not worthy of looking at it.)

Durand: You’re right- I’ll take care of it.)

(Durand: I can’t have d’Eon keeping the HARD GAY techniques in this book a secret from me.)

The Musketeers leave the abbey.

Teillagory: You know, I can’t help wondering about the contents of the book- it’s almost as if it was a guide to the best HARD GAY lovers of French history.

Durand: We can’t possible know that- it’s best to stop thinking about it.

(Durand: Damn the old man- if he thinks he’s going to get his hand on this book, he’s got another think coming!)

Meanwhile, Robespierre, Giuseppe and Lorenza travel by carriage to their next destination.

Giuseppe: My backside is really killing me! How can the master sleep after HARD GAY like that?

Lorenza: Maybe its intensity killed him.

Giuseppe: I’d love to see HARD GAY intense enough to kill Robespierre himself.

Lorenza: Be careful what you wish for- just being near that sort of HARD GAY really would kill you.

Back in France, Louis announces his latest lover. Pompadour is clearly unhappy.

Louis: I’m sorry, Pompadour, but I will never revert to being STRAIGHT.

Broglie: I have a greater chance of getting into bed with His Majesty than you do.

(Louis: Hmm, I’m not so sure about that.)

Louis and Broglie return to the king’s room.

Louis: I hate having to lose the HARD GAY of the four main characters, but if the plot wants me to turn against them, what can I do?

Back at their lodgings, Durand tries to open the book of HARD GAY whilst no one is looking, but Robin enters.

Durand: Oh, hello Robin, I er, I was just curious about the book. I wasn’t going to run off with all its HARD GAY secrets or anything.

Robin: I thought you agreed that it was too dangerous to look at the HARD GAY in this book. How come you lift it up, anyway?

Robin once again tries to have BOOK, but he cannot lift it.

Durand: I’m sure it’s based on HARD GAY level, or perhaps even Liang size. Whatever the case, you’re far too poorly endowed to be allowed access.

Robin: Just wait until tomorrow, and we’ll see who’s poorly endowed.

(Durand: I need to make up a story to distract him.)

Durand: Robin, the truth is that my Liang hasn’t been working right lately…I don’t think it’s completely useless, but I thought the book could show me some way to get it up to peak performance again. I guess I’ll be counting on you to do that instead, though.

Robin: I’ll do my best.

Once Robin has gone to bed, Durand takes the book and goes out.

(Durand: Clearly it’s not safe to read it there- I must find somewhere secluded to peruse this book.)

Durand runs through the streets, but Teillagory trails him.

(Teillagory: I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him have that book to himself!)

Teillagory: Before we begin, I suppose I should at least compliment your HARD GAY skill.

Durand: Why, thank you.

Teillagory: Even so, the other night you were so distracted that you forgot to give me Sword. After that, I knew something strange was going on.

Durand: Oh, so it was the lack of Sword that worried you, was it? In that case, let me oblige.

Durand gives Teillagory some rough Sword, concluding by kicking him in the Liang.

Durand: I learned that move from Eragon. Sorry, Master, but this book is more important than any individual lover.

Durand goes to visit Guercy.

Durand: Guercy, I need you to help me get away from my companions. I must have this book of HARD GAY all to myself!

Robespierre enters.

Robespierre: That’s just like you, Durand- never wanting to share your HARD GAY secrets.

Back at the lodgings, Teillagory staggers in.

D’Eon: What happened?

Teillagory: Durand took the book of HARD GAY!

Meanwhile, Robespierre confronts Durand.

Robespierre: Durand, you must know you are not HARD GAY enough to get the most out of that book. Why not serve under me instead- I can teach you things you have never before imagined.

Durand: What can you teach me that I cannot learn from the book?

Robespierre: Without my help, you would never understand the book.

Durand: You’re just like all the others, aren’t you? You just want the book for yourself!

Robespierre: Durand, it’s you I want! Please stay by my side and warm my bed at night!

Durand: Maximilien…I love you, but I’ve chosen BOOK.

Meanwhile, the other three Musketeers are on the run from Sandwich and his generics.

Teillagory: These men are too generic to have HARD GAY with- we should just get out of here before they have their way with us.

They avoid detection when the soldiers are recalled- two of their number have been attacked.

Sandwich: Damn you, Frenchmen! Stop treating my men and I as one hit kill generics and have proper Sword with us!

Meanwhile, Teillagory, Robin and d’Eon rest in a church after some HARD GAY.

Teillagory: You two are really out of shape- haven’t you ever had HARD GAY on the run before?

Durand enters the church.

Durand: How pathetic- take me out of the session, and your HARD GAY becomes laboured and weak.

D’Eon: Durand, what were you doing? We thought you’d run off with the book of HARD GAY.

Durand hands the book over to d’Eon and immediately starts writhing in pain.

Durand: I underestimated the power of this book…its HARD GAY really does burn the unworthy.

Durand transforms into a Gargoyle.

Durand: Quick- kill me before the sickness eats my Liang!

D’Eon: This will be the last ever Sword we have with Durand- make it good!

Teillagory gives Durand some Sword, before stepping back to let d’Eon have a go.

D’Eon: Lia Mode! I’ll give you a taste of BI!

As Lia gives Durand BI, a spectral Robespierre appears.

Robespierre: BI canceller! Durand is a man of HARD GAY alone!

Lia: Stop! Let him know BI!

Durand: D’Eon, I don’t want BI! Come out and give me HARD GAY!

D’Eon: I can’t kill a man with HARD GAY!

Teillagory: Yes you can! Here’s how it’s done!

D’Eon gives Durand some Sword, but is soon overpowered. Teillagory steps in to give Durand further Sword. Durand staggers back, and Lia-d’Eon prepares the final blow.

Lia-d’Eon: Durand, I’m sorry…you should have never tried to have BOOK.

Robin: Durand! Why did HARD GAY have to become something so hideous?

To be continued…

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4 Responses to Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 19

  1. Dominique says:

    hahaha, this was a great episode (especially the ending sequence). your HARD GAY parodies are really the only reason i still keep up with watching the series.

  2. Krypfto says:

    Why, exactly, do I find all these “giving someone Sword” and “having Sword with someone” things so excruciatingly funny? Not to even mention HARD GAY, BOOK, and all the Liangs which are Zhuge indeed. By all logic the joke should’ve gotten old after the first few laughs, and yet here I sit, grinning like a madman, giggling silently to myself. It’s magic, really.

  3. Karura says:

    Perhaps surprisingly, I feel the same way- I was expecting to have to stop parodying a while back because I’d just be repeating the same jokes, but somehow it just took on a life of its own.

  4. DMJewelle says:

    Like the others, I have no idea why the jokes haven’t gotten old, but it hasn’t, and the number of people I’ve passed your parodies to continue increasing. Thanks for the laughs!

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