Seirei no Moribito parody episode 2

Balsa and Chagum run away from the burning place.

Balsa: Chagum, your new life begins here. It will be difficult, as you are only Level Zero at the moment, but stay in the back row at all times and I will protect you.

They continue on their way, but Chagum’s stamina bar soon drains.

Balsa: Here, climb on my back and you can have BI while we walk.

Chagum: I…er…I still don’t really know what BI is.

Balsa: You don’t? Commoner children are taught about it from an early age, since there isn’t much else in the way of entertainment. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about- it’s just a natural part of life. Now climb up and we’ll begin.

Chagum climbs up onto Balsa’s back, and they continue on their way. Meanwhile, Shuga, a man with long silver hair goes to see the Grand Patriarch, a man of who surely won his status through his impressive beard.

Shuga: Sir, as one of the OP characters, Prince Chagum must surely be important to us- and yet now he may well have perished!

Patriarch: Hmm, so you wish to discuss plot matters with my beard and I? Very well, I shall empty the room of generics.

At his command, all the generics in the room put cloths over their faces.

Patriarch: There, now we are alone and can speak freely.

(Shuga: Senile old fool- all they did was hide their faces. Oh well.)

Shuga: Sir, foolish as this will probably be, I must hope that my good looks will protect me as I confront you about my fears that the Emperor ordered the death of the Prince after you spoke to him.

Patriarch: The boy had no HARD GAY inclinations! Such a thing cannot be allowed in the royal family. Anyway, what I did, I did for the sake of the plot- and surely you must realise that as an OP character with Destined Powers, Chagum cannot be dead at such an early stage of the series.

Shuga: Ah, that does make sense.

Patriarch: Shuga, you have serviced me well in our HARD GAY encounters over the years, and so I must warn you- tread carefully before you choose to get too involved in the plot. There are dark forces in this world, such as BI- and even STRAIGHT.

Shuga: I am too good looking and deserving of screen time to turn away now.

(Patriarch: Hmm, it looks like I must work with him if I am to get screen time.)

Patriarch: Very well, then- come with me for an exposition scene.

The Patriarch walks across the room and starts having BOOK.

Patriarch: It seems that Prince Chagum has been possessed by a water demon, and thus the only way to defeat him is for the Emperor to equip Sword of Seishin and destroy him with intense HARD GAY.

Shuga: That’s hideous! No father should use HARD GAY to kill his own child.

The next day, Balsa and Chagum reach the home of an ally, Tohya.

Balsa: Since you are NPCs, please let us use this house freely. Tohya, could you take this money and nip down to the item shop to fill up my inventory? I need Oil Sheets x10, Bearskin x1, Dried Meat and Rice Paste, Clothes and HORSE.

Tohya: You like HORSE?

Balsa: What traveller doesn’t? Be sure to get me one right away.

Tohya goes out to fulfil her request.

Balsa: Chagum, do you hurt after the BI? Here, put this lotion on to ease the pain- I trust you can do that yourself.

Chagum: I’m not completely helpless, you know.

Balsa: Okay, okay- now get some rest. We have many episodes of strife ahead of us.

Whilst Chagum sleeps, Balsa tries to fix her spear.

Balsa: I should have gone to get Spear as soon as the series began- now who knows when I’ll get the chance?

The sleeping Chagum starts glowing blue.

(Balsa: Is this a HARD GAY aura?)

Balsa wakes Chagum up.

Chagum: Did it happen again? Every so often, I get these strange urges.

Tohya and his friend return.

Tohya: Sorry, I got everything except the HORSE- and I ran into a weird guy in town.

(Balsa: First no Spear and now this?)

Balsa: All right, we’ll go without HORSE for now. It’s getting towards the end of the episode anyway, so we should move out. You’d better leave your house too- it may sound unfair, but it’s better than endangering the main character.

Balsa and Chagum continue on their way.

(Balsa: Damn, I could really use some HORSE right now.)

Balsa looks back and sees four men waiting to come after them.

Balsa: Chagum, enter Flee Mode now!

Men: Hat Throw!

The four men toss their hats in the air and chase after Balsa and Chagum.

To be continued…