Pumpkin Scissors parody 10 part I

New term: Huang (wang) Gai (HARD GAY) ointment: treatment for a damaged Zhuge Liang.

When Randel injures his Zhuge Liang, Stekkin is asked to fix it- and to pass the time (and prevent the audience from seeing it), she delves into a Flashback Mode about the early days of the Pumpkin Scissors unit. Back then, Machs was a staunch supporter of HARD GAY who wasn’t willing to try the BI of Section III- but could the young and enthusiastic Alice Malvin show him that women are just as adept in the bedroom as men?

Machs and Oreld are less than impressed with the substandard conditions they are expected to have HARD GAY in.

“There’s no way I can get aroused in this situation, you know.”

“No, me neither.”

“Looks like the enemy is introducing TANK to the session!”

“Looks like Randel’s having TANK again.”

“That was pretty intense TANK, but his status as a main character has saved him yet again.”

“Oh my god, look at his Liang!”

“This is going to take a while to repair.”

“Well, with your Liang in that state, there was nothing to keep them around here.”

“Oreld has already switched to BI mode.”

“Alice, how could you possibly have thought TANK was a good idea?”

“You might be the main character, an army officer and an adult, but you’re still grounded!”

“What kind of idiot has TANK when she’s got HARD YURI waiting at home?”

“Sorry to ask you to assist with my Liang repair.”

“It’s perfectly fine- you are a main character, after all.”

“I consider it my duty to personally handle this Zhuge Liang.”

“But do you have to be so rough with it?”


“Here, let me get some Huang Gai ointment.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Even when their Liangs are damaged!”

“You know, ever since you joined up, even Oreld agree that the level of HARD GAY has increased on our missions.”

“Well, like you said, I am the main character.”

“Then again, Oreld didn’t realise how HARD GAY the army would be in the first place- can you believe he didn’t realise he would have to have regular Rifle?”

“Maybe it’s better not to have Rifle…it’s less damaging that way.”

“Before the series began, nothing really happened that was worth recording.”

“When we first started out, I had to service the captain all by myself.”

“I may look young and inexperienced, but I’ve been giving him BI since the early days.”

“In time, our numbers grew, and group sessions became possible.”

“It was a while before Alice first had BI here.”

“Ah, the good old days…I still remember the look on Machs’ face the very first time he tried BI.”

“He couldn’t even manage a ‘YES’!”

“I know- why don’t we pass the time with a Flashback Mode about him?”

“Back in those days, he was learning advanced HARD GAY techniques.”

“We need to discuss the distribution of HARD GAY!”

“I thought I told you that the plan was simply to have all the lower ranking officers service me- nothing more, nothing less.”

“Major, shouldn’t your prospective partners get a say in that?”

“I have devised a strategy that would enable us to provide twice as much HARD GAY as we do now!”

“Twice as much? He’s got enough lovers as it is!”

“Haven’t you learned that sometimes the largest quantity of HARD GAY is not always the best option?”

“No matter what sort of techniques, frequency or intensity your superiors demand, as an underling, you must agree to it.”

“If we let everyone try their own sort of HARD GAY, the army would be a mess!”

“We know that you are basically skilled in HARD GAY…”

“…but if you cannot work with the group, you may as well just give up and try Hyper Self Pleasure.”

Machs wanders onto the set of Bartender.

“I’m sorry, but tomato juice is not the destined drink that will magically make everything better.”

“Oh, you’re right- could you mix me up a complex cocktail, like beer and beer with a dash of beer?”

“With my bartending skills, I can easily manage that- why, the other day I even whipped up some whisky and water!”

“Hey, my destined drink turned out to be beer too- what a coincidence!”

“Hey, I know you- we had HARD GAY once.”

“So what, you’re giving HARD GAY to the army too?”

“I can’t believe you got promoted- back when we had HARD GAY, you didn’t seem all that great.”

“I’ve practised since then- I’m even starting to branch out into BI.”

“If you ask me, the army must be pretty desperate if they have to rely on a mediocre lover like you.”

“You know what the higher-ups are like- they just need younger lovers like us to fill out the numbers.”

“What made you want to choose army HARD GAY in the first place, though?”

“I was sick of my former life, just drifting from one lover to the next.”

“In the army, they actually give you food for HARD GAY.”

“Anyway, what’s up with you? Oh, let me guess…you broke up with your lover.”

“You criticise me, but you always were a bit unskilled in the bedroom too.”

“I bet you tried to experiment with BI and it all went wrong, didn’t it? If that’s the case, let me give you some tips…”

“You idiot! I would never turn BI!”

“It’s a waste of an able Liang if you don’t turn BI.”

“If you do, you’ll get plenty of HARD GAY, and I can show you the value of turning BI.”

“I promise you that everything I show you will feel good.”

“We don’t have corrupt thoughts about bondage and S&M, it’s just pure, honest Pleasure.”

“Why can’t you understand that I don’t want to join a BI unit?”

“You don’t want me to actively give HARD GAY anymore- except as a last resort?”

“Just yesterday, I praised your skills, but today I see that your HARD GAY is pathetic and weak.”

“You must go into the world and improve your skills by taking more lovers.”

“Well, well, well- look who’s come crawling over in search of a partner.”

“Before you get a human lover, however, first you must have DOG.”


“Just kidding- we haze everyone like that.”

“I understand you’ll be joining our group sessions from now on.”

“Four-way group Pleasure?”

“Don’t worry, our numbers will increase soon, and then there will be a broad variety of Pleasuring options.”