Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 4

Picking up where last episode left off…

Shiranui: There’s no way for you to win, Saiga- you’re surrounded by main characters!

Saiga: Item Use- Blasting Caps!

Saiga shoots a couple of blasting caps and uses the smoke to make a getaway.

Shiranui: Hmm, not bad for such a forgettable minor character.

Kakunojo: Thank you for saving me, Akidzuki- maybe you have BI inclinations after all.

Akidzuki: Don’t flatter yourself- I have no interest whatsoever in BI with you or anyone else.

Shiranui: What? Why won’t you at least give BI a chance?

(Akidzuki: BI this, BI that- isn’t there any proper HARD GAY to be had around here?)

Akidzuki walks away, but later he shows up to watch the troupe perform.

Soutetsu: So, have you decided on a HARD GAY partner yet? I’m always ready to take you to my bed, you know- if you’ll only accept BI.

Akidzuki goes outside to think about Ryouma some more.

(Akidzuki: Ryouma, as your ‘bodyguard’, I learned much about HARD GAY, yet now no man seems worthy of my skills.)

Soutetsu follows Akidzuki outside.

Soutetsu: Akidzuki, I cannot help but be troubled that two men of our considerable skill have yet to sleep together. All you need to do is try BI, and we can be together.

Akidzuki: Do not speak of BI to me.

On the Boat of Evil, Saiga reports in to Nakaiya and Glover.

Glover: I’m rather unimpressed, Saiga; your Rifle wasn’t even good enough to take a single girl.

Nakaiya: Glover, once you take him to your bed you will see just how skilled he is- after all, he is descended from a family of Rifle experts. Anyway, we may have failed once, but everything is still going to plan, gwakaka!

Once again, Akidzuki is forced to have Sword with himself in the evening, until Benimaru delivers him a letter. He goes to visit Katsu, who is in the brothel with Kotoha and Kanna again.

Katsu: Ah, Akidzuki, you’re here to rescue me from having to take Tayu as a partner.

(Kanna: This is awful- first I have to watch him attempt BI with a woman, and now he passes over me in order to have HARD GAY with another man!)

Akidzuki: I’m sorry for not seeing to you sooner.

Katsu: I can’t blame you; we’ve both had busy schedules. Anyway, it must be what, three months since you’ve had a regular HARD GAY partner?

Akidzuki: That’s over now- I know I’m going to find a man soon.

Katsu: Is it really over, or are you going to have to keep relying on Hyper Self Pleasure?

Akidzuki: Well, what about you?

Katsu: In order to fulfil my needs, I’m learning to diversify- BI is awkward at first, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. And pretty soon I should have plenty of offers from both the English and the army.

The day after their third performance, the troupe convenes for a meeting.

Soutetsu: As you know, the enemy is so jealous of my brilliantly written plays that they want to put a stop to them. This means that we must be wary of unexpected Gun.

Kakunojo: We’re not afraid- after all, I, er I mean we have main character protection status. Oh by the way, Akidzuki, since you won’t join in with our BI, you’ll have to make do with HARD GAY with the enemy.

(Akidzuki: At this stage, any partner is better than nothing.)

At the next performance of the play, Saiga waits in the rafters to administer Gun to Kakunojo. Akidzuki confronts him.

(Saiga: This is no good; I want BI with the girl!)

(Akidzuki: Even last night’s session with Katsu wasn’t enough to satisfy my Sword- I must have HARD GAY with this man!)

Akidzuki tries to initiate HARD GAY, but Saiga runs off- only to see Soutetsu approaching.

Soutetsu: If it’s BI you prefer, there’s always me.

Saiga flees under the stage, only to bump into Kakashi and give him Gun.

(Kakashi: I wanted more screentime, but not because a minor villain had his way with me!)

Saiga finally reaches the wings, but as he tries to give Kakunojo Gun, Akidzuki appears.

(Akidzuki: This is for your own good, Saiga- Pleasure was never meant to be had with women!)

Akidzuki: Summon generics!

Generics appear and surround the named characters onstage.

(Saiga: I never thought it would be this hard just to get a woman.)

Saiga runs on stage, despite to discharge his Gun.

Saiga: Taste my Gun, woman!

Akidzuki: No! I am your partner!

Akidzuki gives Saiga Sword, but even so, Saiga is ready for more Gun. As he is about to fire, however, Kanna appears in the wings to give him some counter-Gun.

(Kanna: If Katsu isn’t going to give me any, I have to take it where I can get it.)

Katsu appears and smiles at Kanna.

(Katsu: Hmm, now that he has proved his HARD GAY skills, I can confidently take him to my bed.)

(Kanna: Looks like I’ll be getting some tonight after all.)

(Akidzuki: Damn, what about my needs?)

(Soutetsu: My bed is always open, Akidzuki.)

To be continued…

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