Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 23

On a British ship, Parkes berates the chess piece team.

Parkes: Your BI is awful- simply awful! And as for you, Kanna- I should have never let you handle my Liang! I’m thoroughly disappointed in all of you!

On deck, Kanna contemplates his watch, whilst Queen gets drunk.

(Kanna: How dare Parkes say such things about me? My Liang is far more Zhuge than his!)

(Queen: To lose my brother was one thing, but to have my BI insulted like this is awful!)

Kanna: Queen, I’m sorry. Maybe if I had been less reluctant to join in the BI, this wouldn’t have happened.

Queen: The only lover I ever wanted was Rook. We spent so many years perfecting our twincest, and now he is gone!

Kanna: You may think you have problems, but I have a tragic back story too! All my life, women have betrayed me- even the Queen herself has abandoned me now. Is it any wonder that I cannot trust BI?

Queen: Then let me show you how good BI can be.

Queen and Kanna give in to their desires, and have BI. The next day, they are re-energised, and so Kanna has Hyper Self Pleasure and Queen tries CRATE.

(Queen: I thought my sex drive died with Rook, but now I can’t get enough of it!)

On deck, Bishop and Knight also try Hyper Self Pleasure.

Knight: I guess this is all we have left now- certainly it won’t be easy to find any new partners.

Bishop: I’m ready to combine our skills for a closed BI session.

Kanna: I too have recently discovered the joys of BI- let’s go and show Enomoto just how skilled at Pleasure we really are.

In town, Akidzuki overhears generics talking about the quality of Enomoto’s BI.

Generic: I don’t care what they say- Enomoto’s Ezo and Kakunojo’s Sword are all you need for the ultimate BI!

(Akidzuki: What’s happening? Is there no one left who appreciates HARD GAY with a decent Liang?)

Two generic soldiers walk past.

Generic: Hey, I picked up this personal ad- it seems some guy called Akidzuki is looking for a partner.

Generic #2: Everyone wants a partner these days- it’s so exhausting.

Outside the city, Akidzuki finds himself consumed by HARD GAY aura.

(Akidzuki: I must find a partner now!)

Meanwhile, Soutetsu and Enomoto are having a meeting when Hijikata arrives.

Hijikata: Soutetsu, let’s not beat around the bush anymore. I want you, and I’m sick of the fact that you never show your Liang to me.

Enomoto: Perhaps the time has come to show it to you, then.

Soutetsu: Indeed, although I prefer not to do it here. Let’s go to my special bedchamber.

Soutetsu pulls back the rug and opens a hidden trapdoor. The three men go downstairs.

(Hijikata: This is it! The Pleasure I have been waiting for!)

They reach an underground chamber, with a raised platform.

Hijikata: What is this?

Soutetsu: Our bed, of course.

Hijikata: Will Enomoto be joining us, or is he just going to stare like he always does?

Enomoto becomes infused with the power of the Lord’s Head.

Enomoto: Are you saying that I’m afraid to get my Ezo out?

Soutetsu: Enomoto may only have an Ezo, but he also possesses the Lord’s Head- a powerful aphrodisiac. I can assure you that his Pleasure will be almost as good as my own. Now come, let us begin the session.

Hijikata: Ridiculous! Aphrodisiacs are no match for a decent-sized Liang! I’m not going to have BI with a small man!

Enomoto: We shall have BI!

Soutetsu rips the bed cover off.

Enomoto: Now everyone, get in!

When Hijikata still doesn’t move, Enomoto pushes the bed into the floor.

Hijikata: This is…

Soutetsu: That’s right- now the whole chamber is our bed!

Suddenly, Queen appears to give the men arrow.

Queen: You can’t call it BI unless there’s a woman involved!

Hijikata: Stay out of this! I’m trying to seduce Soutetsu!

Soutetsu: I will only consider you worthy if you first demonstrate your skill against this woman.

(Hijikata: Damn him- now I have no choice but to have BI with her.)

Hijikata gets his Sword out, only for Bishop to appear and give him Grenade, followed by Knight.

Knight: My Sword has been released from its duty- now I can sleep with whoever I want!

(Hijikata: Oh well, at least he’s a man- and he has two Swords!)

Hijikata and Knight begin having Sword. Their HARD GAY is so intense that the screen flashes red, breaking Knight’s Sword and taking his life.

(Hijikata: Damn, he wasn’t ready for the intensity of my desires.)

Soutetsu: Well done- you might be worthy of my bed after all.

Meanwhile, Bishop tries to have Grenade with Soutetsu.

Soutetsu: I am not interested in such inelegant Pleasure.

Soutetsu dodges and gives Bishop Sword from behind.

Soutetsu: Convenient Switch #1, on!

Soutetsu treads on a switch, causing the bed to rise up into the sky, with Bishop on top.

Soutetsu: Stay there, boy, and I’ll teach you a thing or two about real Pleasure!

Bishop: No way, you sadist!

Bishop jumps off.

Soutetsu: Did someone mention sadism? Convenient Switch #2, on!

A chain appears from nowhere and loops around Bishop’s neck, strangling him as he falls. He gets a Dagger out.

Soutetsu: My, my, what an unimpressive Dagger- I think our little session will have to come to an end. Convenient Switch #3, on!

The chain is pulled back up to wherever it came from, taking Bishop with it.

Whilst Enomoto continues to stare, Kanna confronts him.

Kanna: This is it, Enomoto! I’ve recently mastered BI, and I’ve come to show you how good my Pleasure can be!

Enomoto: Really? You’re welcome to take me- if you can.

Kanna tries to give Enomoto Pistol, but Enomoto’s BI aura deflects it into the wall.

Enomoto: Hmm, it seems you are too weak to penetrate me. How disappointing.

Kanna continues to try Pistol, but it keeps being deflected. Next, Queen tries Crossbow.

Queen: My years of BI experience must count for something!

Sadly, her Crossbow is also destined to miss.

Hijikata: Kanna’s over there! I must taste his Pistol for myself.

Soutetsu: Stay here with me and watch Enomoto’s mastery of advanced BI techniques- you might even learn something.

Enomoto: Flash Steps!

Enomoto continues to dodge Queen’s Crossbow whilst approaching Kanna.

Enomoto: That woman is going to dump you, you know. Be it HARD GAY or BI, you’ve always had poor choice in partners.

Queen’s Crossbow breaks, and she runs away.

Enomoto: You see? She doesn’t want you- she doesn’t think you’re good enough! Why don’t you show her just how good your BI really is?

Kanna: Yes…I must…

Hypnotised by Enomoto’s word, Kanna gives Queen fatal Pistol before coming to his senses.

Kanna: What have I done? I killed a meganekko!

(Hijikata: Look at him getting so emotional over a woman.)

Enomoto: Activate previously nonexistent elevator!

Enomoto flips a switch, and the floor under the survivors’ feet rises up, taking them to ground level. Kakunojo, still dressed as the Spirit of BI, approaches Kanna.

Kakunojo: Kanna, you have had some bad experiences with BI, but I can show you how wonderful it can be. Look, I even have a Sword.

Kanna: Mistress, I’ll do anything you say!

(Hijikata: What is this? Even Kanna has wholeheartedly turned BI!)

Enomoto gives Hijikata an Evil Stare.

(Enomoto: You cannot escape BI now, Hijikata, and as soon as night falls, I plan to give you a good taste of my Ezo!)

Later, Hijikata approaches Akidzuki.

Hijikata: Akidzuki, it may be too late for HARD GAY- BI has become too powerful.

(Akidzuki: I will never accept that!)

To be continued…