Romeo X Juliet parody episode 2

Romeo and Juliet have their fateful encounter before Benvolio interrupts them.

Benvolio: Romeo, what are you doing with a woman? Come over here and have some HARD GAY.

(Juliet: He’s HARD GAY?)

Juliet runs away and goes to leave the keep.

Soldier: Hey, are you leaving on your own?

Francisco and Curio arrive.

Francisco: Please do not interfere with the movements of named characters.

Soldier: Sorry, I thought you were a generic. Please proceed.

Meanwhile, Benvolio and Romeo go outside.

Romeo: Did you see her? I never knew I could feel this way about a woman!

Benvolio: Uh…

(Benvolio: This could threaten my HARD GAY with Romeo!)

Montague appears.

Montague: Romeo, where have you been? You were supposed to service me!

Romeo: Sorry, sir.

Montague: You have made a mockery of HARD GAY for long enough, son- now burn in the hell of STRAIGHT! Everyone, I hereby announce that Romeo and Hermione are to be engaged!

Romeo: Father…

(Romeo: If I must have STRAIGHT, at least let it be with Juliet!)

On the way home, Conrad chides Juliet.

Conrad: I just don’t understand why staying at home with an old man like me isn’t good enough for you! I’m sick of you hogging all the screen time with your adventures!

Meanwhile, Romeo is forced to dance with Hermione.

(Romeo: Being so close to a woman is making me uncomfortable- I need to get to my HORSE quick!)

Romeo: Sorry, Hermione, but I’m not feeling well- Benvolio, can you look after her?

(Romeo: If I have to suffer, I’ll drag Benvolio down with me!)

Benvolio: What? You must be joking!

The next day, generic evil men are once again harassing the common people.

Evil Fat Man: Gwakaka, since you never paid for HARD GAY, I’ll just take your daughter instead! It’s not like you’re interested in women anyway!

Evil Fat Man drives off in a carriage filled with women.

Evil Fat Man: Gwakaka, evil is the life for me!

Juliet: Red Whirlwind Mode! Dramatic Entrance!

A party consisting of Juliet and Antonio appears to challenge Evil Fat Man and his minions. Since the men are only Level One, Juliet is able to hold out for a whole turn before being disarmed.

Message: Level Eight Curio joins the party!

Curio attacks and defeats the generics.

Curio: Shouldn’t you level up a bit before trying something like this?

Juliet: Fine, then I’ll practise against an opponent of my level.

Juliet has Evil Fat Man take out the HARD GAY contract so that she can slice it to pieces.

Juliet: That’s 10 EXP gained.

Curio: Yes, but you only have 5 HP left!

Juliet is taken to the doctor for healing.

Doctor: These are truly evil and chaotic times- yes, the majority of people are going about their lives as normal, but nonetheless these are certainly hard times.

At home, Conrad berates Juliet yet again.

Conrad: Not only did you go out, but you somehow got Curio to go after you! He was supposed to give me HARD GAY!

Juliet finds an excuse to leave.

Conrad: It’s amazing that she’s survived this long.

Francisco: Didn’t you say yourself that she had main character protection- she won’t die this early in the series.

Whilst Romeo has to endure walking with Hermione, at home, Juliet decides to dress as a woman.

Cordelia: Juliet, what are you doing? You know we all get a kick of seeing you dress as a boy!

Juliet: I’m sorry, but I’m not up for your kinky games anymore- I want STRAIGHT with a man! First I have to seduce him with the scent of iris blossoms.

Cordelia: Hmm, this sounds like it might be important to the plot. Okay, I’ll give you the map coordinates of Iris Garden.

Meanwhile, Romeo is out erasing unpleasant memories of Hermione by having HORSE. He spots the Iris Garden.

(Romeo: This looks a good place for some quiet HORSE.)

Romeo lands and walks around, only to meet Juliet.

Romeo: Fancy meeting you here- it’s almost as if some greater force arranged this!

Juliet: Romeo, are you…HARD GAY?

Romeo: No! I mean, er, I’m more of a HORSE person myself.

Juliet: Really? I’ve always been interested in HORSE!

Romeo: Then let’s meet again tomorrow!

That evening, Juliet comes down to dinner dressed as a woman.

Antonio: Huh? Odin, why are you dressed as a girl?

Cordelia: Actually, she is a girl.

Antonio: Why did no one tell me? Come to think of it, why was she dressed as a boy for all those years?

Conrad: It’s just something grown-ups like to do sometimes- I’ll explain when you’re older.

After her birthday dinner, Conrad and the others take Juliet to a graveyard.

Juliet: Are we having a group session in here?

Conrad: Shut up and go inside.

They proceed into the graveyard.

Conrad: For some reason I couldn’t tell you this before today, but you are actually the last survivor of the Capulet family. All your relatives were murdered by Duke Montague.

Generics randomly appear.

Generics: Juliet Giulietto Arthur Capulet!

(Juliet: My middle name is Arthur?)

To be continued…

2 thoughts on “Romeo X Juliet parody episode 2

  1. *Juliet: That’s 10 EXP gained.
    *Curio: Yes, but you only have 5 HP left!
    *Juliet is taken to the doctor for healing.

    I died.

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