Romeo X Juliet parody episode 6

Dressed as the Red Whirlwind, the doctor launches himself into the waiting soldiers.

Cerimon: Excellent- you’ve arrived just in time for a spot of Mace and Flaming Arrow!

Generics: Red Whirlwind- Pleasure the soldiers so that they won’t expect bondage from us!

Doctor: Let these people go- I shall be your partner tonight!

Cerimon: How arrogant of you to assume that you can satisfy us all!

Archer: Dammit, I just can’t hold back anymore!

The generic archer has pre-emptive Flaming Arrow with the doctor.

Cerimon: Hmm, your Arrow isn’t all that bad. Very well, you shall be our selected partner for tonight- the others can go.

The generics are released.

Cerimon: And now for you- we’re going to Pleasure you until you’re good for nothing more than CORPSE!

Doctor: Oh, I don’t think so- die in the blaze of my Flaming Passion!

The doctor uses the Flaming Arrow that was shot at him to light a fire with himself at the centre. Under normal circumstances, such a fire would quickly go out, but the fuel of Plot and Justice makes it burn fiercely. Instead of running away, everyone stands around in budget saving still whilst the doctor is burned to death.

Juliet: This is all my fault! I must waste his sacrifice by trying to save him!

Francisco: Get a grip- even the main character couldn’t survive a fire like that!

Whilst Juliet runs away, Romeo has some late night HORSE over the city. After learning of what just happened, he conveniently spots Juliet and lands beside her.

Romeo: Thank goodness you’re safe- call me stupid, but I had this really stupid notion that you were the Red Whirlwind.

Juliet: Actually, I am the Red Whirlwind, and because of that I won’t be able to see you for a while- I’ll be too busy angsting. Now, Activate Impossible Hair Powers!

Juliet takes off her wig and thus somehow gains the power to somersault off a balcony and land on a walkway below without harm.

(Romeo: But Juliet, without you all I have is HORSE, and since experiencing your STRAIGHT, that isn’t enough anymore!)

Soon after, Montague sits in a chair of villainy and holds a council of nobles.

Speaker: Everyone, the council for watching Montague sit in his chair of evil is now in session! Our first orders of business are to make the lives of the oppressed and miserable commoners even more oppressed and miserable, and to crush all those upstart grapes!

Vittorio: I object! The grapes have done nothing wrong!

Montague: Oh, really- do I detect the tones of a grape sympathiser?

Vittorio: Grapes are useful for more than just being crushed and turned into wine! They are tasty and can be used in many recipes in dried form!

Montague: To a true member of the nobility, wine is the first and finest use of grapes. Your thinking is that of a commoner, and thus I move to have you stripped of your nobility!

Speaker: All in favour of supporting Montague’s grape crushing and thus reducing their chances of a bloody and painful death, please rise!

Everyone rises, including Titus.

Titus: Don’t hate me, Vittorio- it’s just that wine is so tasty.

As they leave the council, Romeo confronts his father.

Romeo: Father, what is it that you have against grapes?

Montague: Son, until you have experienced what I have, you will never comprehend the intense hatred every right-thinking man should have against grapes. They are truly evil.

Meanwhile, Juliet-Odin, Antonio, Francisco and Curio sail down the river. As they pass some girls, Francisco flirts with them.

Curio: Francisco, what are you doing? I thought you said I was the only partner you needed!

Francisco: Sorry, but that was back when I thought the writers were going to give you a personality.

As Benvolio and his family prepare to leave the city in their carriage, Romeo and Cielo arrive.

Romeo: Benvolio, Cielo and I just wanted to say thank you for joining in our HORSE.

(Benvolio: It’s not that I wanted to, but you were never interested in HARD GAY.)

Benvolio: If you ever fancy some HARD GAY, be sure to come and visit.

Romeo: Of course.

(Romeo: Like that’s ever going to happen.)

Later, Juliet’s party learns from a convenient NPC that Benvolio and his family are to be assassinated. They rush to save him.

Juliet: I may only be Level One, but I have Francisco and Curio to do the actual fighting! Everyone low level, run away with me!

Juliet takes Benvolio’s family to the far side of the battlefield, but their low movement ranges means they are still in range of a Knife Thrower class.

Knife Thrower: Knife Toss!

Juliet: Deflect!

(Juliet: Damn, that simple move used up all my skill points- what do I do now?)

Juliet’s sword becomes unequipped, and the Knife Thrower uses his next turn to move towards her.

Knife Thrower: Now to kill you and gain a little EXP.

Tybalt: Not so fast! Deus ex machina!

Tybalt and his HORSE appear on the battlefield.

4 thoughts on “Romeo X Juliet parody episode 6

  1. Aagh, a raisin sympathiser! Arrest that man before anarchy spreads!

    Trust me, you’d be taken in for questioning as soon as you set foot in Neo Verona.

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