Romeo X Juliet parody episode 7

Guest character Tybalt joins the party.

Tybalt: Fear me, for not only am I bishie and high level, but I have a long cloak and two swords.

Tybalt easily defeats the generic enemies in one hit.

Curio: Damn you- that was my EXP!

Tybalt: I must leave now, for I am so good looking that women would swoon if I remained on screen any longer. Farewell, Juliet.

Tybalt calls his HORSE and flies away.

(Juliet: Such an impressive HORSE!)

The next day, Romeo decides to go out for some HORSE.

(Romeo: HORSE just doesn’t feel the same anymore.)

(Cielo: Romeo seems less enthusiastic than usual- I must win back his heart.)

Cielo performs some impressive manoeuvres before taking Romeo to the graveyard.

Romeo: Cielo, did you bring me here for some quiet HORSE?

Meanwhile, Juliet’s party shows Benvolio and his family to their new home.

Francisco: I’m sorry this dilapidated stone house isn’t quite what you’re accustomed to, but trust me- in a few episodes’ time, you’ll be saying how much you love the commoner lifestyle.

Vittorio: Can I just ask you something? Why did you save us in the first place?

Francisco: You’re benevolent named characters- what more reason do we need?

Vittorio: So, you guys are on the side of the Capulets, right? Then shouldn’t that “Juliet” over there be a girl?

Francisco: Oh, don’t mind her- she’s just a cross dresser.

Juliet: Activate Impossible Hair!

Juliet takes off her wig.

Benvolio: Capulets? Aren’t they evil?

Francisco: Wake up and smell the irises, Benvolio- the real villain is that grape hater Montague!

Benvolio: He is?

Vittorio: Sorry I kept it from you son, but it’s the truth.

Elsewhere, Romeo goes to visit his mother.

Portia: Oh hello, Romeo. A an NPC, I have important plot information for you- today is the Flower Festival, when one must give flowers to the one they love. Are you here to pick flowers for Cielo as usual?

Romeo: Mother, a terrible thing has happened- I’m starting to have STRAIGHT feelings for the surviving daughter of the Capulets!

Portia: STRAIGHT!? I never thought such a thing would happen to you. This could be dangerous, Romeo- you must go back to HARD GAY and HORSE at once!

Romeo: I can’t!

At the Keep, an underling reports to Montague.

Underling: Benvolio and his family are dead, but more importantly, a fresh vineyard of grapes was crushed this morning.

Montague: Good work.

Conrad visits Benvolio’s new home.

Vittorio: Conrad, you’re alive! Let’s have HARD GAY immediately!

Conrad: What about your wife?

Vittorio: Don’t mind her- she’s unimportant.

Francisco: Speaking of which, it’s the Flower Festival today. I’d better go out and see if I can rustle up a few new partners.

(Curio: Francisco, why am I never good enough for you?)

As the Flower Festival opens, the commoners begin enjoying a pleasant and flower-strewn day, quite unlike the downtrodden misery they are supposed to be experiencing.

Conrad: It’s been a while since I had a reliable HARD GAY partner- stay as long as you want, Vittorio. I’ll even send your son to live somewhere else so that we can have more private time.

Benvolio is sent to help Cordelia and Juliet clean their living area.

Benvolio: Wow, a broom! This is so new and exciting!

Cordelia: If that’s how you feel, I’ll leave you to clean the outhouse.

Later, Cordelia and Juliet-Odin run into Emilia and Shakespeare.

Emilia: Odin, you need a plot contrivance in order to go to the Flower Festival, don’t you? Come on, you can take me there.

Meanwhile, Romeo is in Angst Mode when Hermione approaches.

Hermione: Romeo, as your fiancée, I really need more screen time. Couldn’t you at least invite me out tonight?

Romeo: Er…um…

Hermione: Good, I’ll take that as a yes, then. See you later!

As evening falls, Emilia hooks up with a man and leaves Juliet alone at the festival. Naturally, she runs into Romeo.

(Juliet: I love Romeo and want to be with him, so the only thing I can do here is- run away!)

Romeo chases after Juliet, eventually catching up. They have quick STRAIGHT before Romeo gives Juliet a flower.

Romeo: Here you go Juliet- it’s actually the flower you dropped earlier, but that’s the kind of cheapskate I am.

Meanwhile, poor Hermione waits for screen time…

To be continued…

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