Tuesday Rumble: September 4th

chibi-dii-blog.pngXtreme Claymore Blackjack

“Priscella seem ten time clare level how will she deal.?” From this immortal comment would evolve the idea for Claymore: Blackjack version, in which Clare must face off against Priscilla in a no holds barred game of cards! Claymore Blackjack isn’t like the ordinary game, however, because when you lose, you have to give up a limb! Join Clare as she defeats Yoma with the power of twenty-one, and discover the real reaon why episode twenty-two is called “bust”!

Tips for using Beyblade to take over the world

A few months ago, I got some amusing Beyblade-related search terms, including one about the possibility of Beyblade taking over the world. Since this idea amused me, I decided it was best to put together some tips to help aspiring Beybladers overcome trivialities like political and military might in their bid to dominate the planet.

  • You might think that it was best to at least buy as many Beyblades as possible, but doing so is not the right way to approach this- instead, you must buy a single Beyblade and work day and night on upgrading and improving it.
  • Next, you must enter various Beyblade tournaments. By vanquishing under-tens in a children’s game, you will gain power and influence vital to your appearance on the world stage.
  • Once you have made a name for yourself, you must open an academy to train prospective young Beybladers to become your loyal warriors. Don’t worry about giving them a balanced curriculum- no one will complain if they just Beyblade all day. Even their parents will not lift a finger, no matter how badly you treat their children.
  • Once your warriors have won yet more Beyblading tournaments, you will be ready to claim your dominance over the planet. If anyone questions you, respond to their insolence with the force of a few tens of spinning tops.
  • Sit back and relax as you enjoy your time in power- or alternately in the mental institution where you have just been taken for rehabilitation.

Camera Perv Redefined

“Hey, camera, I can always confide in you.”

“Humans are nothing- only my beloved camera is worthy.”

“People said it was unhealthy to love a camera this much, but what do they know?”

“Here’s how it goes- you place your Cannons in, and then remove them promptly.”

“Aagh, my Liang is gone!”

Short parody: Wellber so far

Rita goes on the run with Tina.

Tina: We can’t get anywhere with you looking like that.

Rita: Fine- I’ll cut my hair so that no one can recognise me!

Galahad: Wait up! I’m a named character, so you have to let me capture you!

Tina: Galahad, you cannot stand against the combined forces of HORSE and TANK!

Galahad: Aagh, I am defeated- but I will be back next week!

Rita ends up in a red light district, where she accidentally takes a job as a prostitute.

Rita: So we dress up nicely and sit and hold hands with the boys? Doesn’t seem too bad to me.

Mistress: You idiot- you’re supposed to have STRAIGHT with them!

Rita: I hate STRAIGHT- that’s why I stabbed my fiancé and ran off for HARD YURI! I must make a stand for women forced into STRAIGHT!

Prostitute: I wouldn’t bother, since you’re going to be leaving by the end of the episode, and we don’t even have names.

Rita: Good point- farewell.

Galahad pursues the leads to the border but is unable to stop them passing through.

Galahad: Damn it, foiled again! I’ll get you next time!

After everyone is separated in a blizzard, Rita and Galahad end up in a mountain lodge together.

Galahad: I hate you for killing my HARD GAY partner!

Rita: I can explain everything with Flashback Mode! He tried to force me to have STRAIGHT with him!

Galahad: I counter with cheerful flashbacks of our HARD GAY early days together, before he wore glasses!

Rita: Can’t you see- it was the glasses that made him evil!

To be continued…possibly.

This Week in Anime

Why have Cannon when you can have Guncannon?

The newest member of the Apple Affiliates reports in.

“Apple, what should I do?”

A shocking display of DOG is seen in public.

A sturdy HORSE is needed for advanced users.

“You were having HORSE!?”

A wall of generics is used to generate shielding.

“I may be a mere bookstore owner now, but if I sit in a chair and stroke a cat, I too can be a villain someday!”

Cabbages make a defensive formation.

OST spotlight: El Cazador de la Bruja OST 1

Yuki Kajiura’s latest work retains her usual style of lilting melodies, Celtic themes and a few faster paced action pieces, but this time round it just doesn’t have the same impact. It’s not so much that we’ve heard a lot of it before, but that the more original parts aren’t up to the level of Kajiura’s comfort zone tracks. The harmonica led Central American style themes may suit the setting of the series, but it sadly evokes the dry, dusty cactus-filled deserts that dominate this monotonously dull series. Kajiura fans will want it nonetheless, but I just can’t put it in the .hack/Tsubasa/Madlax/Noir bracket.

Notable tracks: Nadie, Hit it and Run!, El Cazador, Forest

Mini-editorial: Eye candy- embarrassing?

In our attempts to make anime seem a more respectable pastime, we may well wax lyrical about the depth and complexity of storytelling and character development, but is it “wrong” to be drawn to it by virtue of its visual appeal? Anime is, after all, a primarily visual medium, and so surely there can be nothing wrong with a healthy admiration for a well designed character, especially if your interests lie towards the artistic.

Naturally, there is a degree of folly in picking anime to watch due to their character designs alone (as well I know), but there seems to be a stigma attached to wholeheartedly appreciating the beautiful artwork and character designs that anime has to offer. To do so is shallow, say its detractors, but when sight is such an important sense to humans, there should be no embarrassment in drinking in a bit of eye candy. Artwork is not the be all and end all, but nor should it be discounted as meaningless.

In Your Reflection

This week, we examine a classical female partnership that has endured over many series- the feisty, loud and hotheaded redhead and her calmer purple haired sidekick, who is either quietly competent, a stuck-up alien princess, or both.

First up we have Excel and Hyatt from Excel Saga- Excel is the impulsive and incompetent leader of the partnership, whilst Hyatt is the quiet, self-effacing alien princess who gets things done in between periodically dying of a terminal illness.

Next up are Kei and Yuri from Dirty Pair Flash- once again, Kei is the impulsive one, whilst Yuri is calmer, a bit stuck up and more interested in dating than work.

The third pair is Éclair and Lumiere from Kiddy Grade in their default bodies- once again, Éclair is the action-orientated one of the pair, whilst Lumiere is the quieter backup.

Fourth up are Lina and Naga from the Slayers OVAs- this time round Lina is the more competent one, but Naga retains the selfish and stuck up attitude.

Finally, we have Najica and Lila from Najica Blitz Tactics- Najica is the confident and in charge one, but as an android Lila is quietly skilled.

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: you toube sex

happy and anime: if you’re happy and…er, anime…clap your hands!

rpg maker XP side: Do not underestimate the power of the RPG Maker XP side.

animated manga: Also known as anime.

berserk manga trolls: I wasn’t sure if they were looking for trolls in the Berserk manga, or people who had gone berserk whilst trolling manga sites.

rpg maker xp how to make pets: I want to Summon Bird, a la Star Ocean 2.

teen anime: Anime in that awkward phase.

rpg maker “doctor who”: Again with the Doctor Who RPGs.

pumpkin scissors nhk parodies hentai: I have PS parodies, but no NHK hentai.

Amusing Spam

Grand-Pianos.org…

Hello 😉 Thanks heaps for this!… if anyone else has anything, it would be much appreciated. Great website Super Piano Links”

This week saw the advent of a new and inexplicable type of spam- piano ads.

“Eric…

Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….”

Nice work, Eric, keep bringing them in…wait, who the hell is Eric?

“erectile…

Need Viagra? Not anymore after you check this website!…”

This just made me laugh.

“bad breath in cats…

I don”t understand it….”

Poor cats, they need our understanding.

“naruto movie…

I saw this domain for sale, according to the appraisals, its worth over $5000.00 usd. It has just the perfect amount of keywords….”

Good for you.

“œtijned…

As the web continues to mass gay pride websites, we”ll strive to organize them to you….”

and

“try omega 3 fish oil…

As the WWW continues to expand natures bounty omega 3 fish oil capsules guidance, we will strive to organize them to you….”

Gay pride or omega 3 fish oils- take your pick.

One thought on “Tuesday Rumble: September 4th

  1. Wow. The amount of sense that last SPAM doesn’t make is amazing.

    And now I think about it I can recall some redhead/blonde and purple haired partnerships fitting that pattern.

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