Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 20

Whilst the Guan Yu horse monster thrashes around in a gorge, Zhang Fei is getting worried about his oath-brother.

Zhang Fei: Zhuge Liang, where did you send Guan Yu? It’s getting late and I need him to warm my bed.

Zhuge Liang: Sorry, but I’ve been too busy admiring myself to know where he is- he could have turned into a raging horse monster for all I know.

Zhang Fei: Horse monster? Damn you and your Lord’s Cube- I knew it was bad for the body!

Zhang Fei runs off to find Guan Yu.

Liu Bei: Where’s Zhang Fei off to?

Zhuge Liang: Oh, he’s just gone to help the horse monster, er, I mean Guan Yu. More importantly, this means that you and I are alone here- what say we retire to the bedroom?

Meanwhile, the remaining Pleasure Rangers are camped out in the woods. As usual, Gan Ning gives himself Flute whilst Lu Xun remains in Angst Mode.

Ling Tong: Stop giving yourself Flute, Gan Ning, and service someone else for once!

Zhuge Jin: Don’t force him- it takes a man a while to master Flute.

Gan Ning: To be honest, after Zhou Yu died, I’ve lost interest in other men.

Zhuge Jin: Well, at least we have Lu Meng- he’ll do it with anyone.

As if on cue, Lu Meng calls everyone over. After a night of HARD GAY, they continue their journey.

Ling Tong: Everything’s gone wrong! We’re supposed to be the Six MANLY Steeds, but now there are only five of us! Someone’s going to end up without a partner!

Somehow, Sun Quan randomly appears before them.

Sun Quan: Did I hear something about there being a shortage of men? Perhaps I can help.

Everyone sits down on a nice comfortable rock outcropping in the middle of nowhere.

Lu Meng: Well, this is a surprise.

Sun Quan: I’m fed up with just wandering around the palace gardens doing absolutely nothing of plot importance- I want to do something constructive!

Ling Tong: All right! Now let’s get back to the palace and have a wander round the gardens.

Everyone is delighted to have Sun Quan as a new regular HARD GAY partner.

Generic: My Lord, Guan Yu has turned into a monster and gone on a rampage!

Ling Tong: What? So Taishi Ci basically died for nothing?

Lu Meng: Yep, pretty much, but luckily I have a cunning plan that I borrowed from Utawarerumono. What we’ll do is lure Guan Yu onto some wet marshland, and then when he sinks in we can each attack him and share the EXP. Well, everyone except you, Lu Xun- you’ve lost your Ranger powers and can’t participate.

Lu Xun: What the hell? I’m the main character!

Lu Meng: Oh shut up, you angsty little brat.

Lu Xun: Angsty!? This cruel and insensitive world has left me in despair!

Lu Xun goes off to angst by himself, but Sun Quan follows him.

Lu Xun: I just can’t help it, I’m obsessed with Zhuge Liang. All I want is to see his mighty weapon!

Sun Quan: It’s an understandable desire, really, but you won’t ever be happy unless you act on it.

The Guan Yu horse monster slowly approaches the marshy area- it is time for the Pleasure Rangers to act.

Ling Tong: Ranger Blue! Boomerang Strike!

Guan Yu is lured into the marsh, where he sinks down.

Zhuge Jin: Ranger Green! Spider Web!

Zhuge Jin traps Guan Yu in an energy web.

Gan Ning: Ranger Orange! Flare Arrow!

Guan Yu: Gwakaka, such preliminary strikes cannot finish me off!

Lu Meng: It’s my turn! Ranger Turquoise! Revenge Strike! This is for Taishi Ci!

Lu Meng finishes off Guan Yu…or so it seems, until he rises up yet again.

Sun Quan: He’s being driven by the burning passion of HARD GAY! There may be no stopping him! Lu Xun, run away!

Lu Xun: I can’t run away- only a main character can finish off such a high profile enemy! Restore powers- Ranger Red! Ultimate Finishing Blow!

Lu Xun somehow regains his powers and uses them to finally defeat the horse monster, restoring Guan Yu to human form.

To be continued…

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