Antique Bakery parody episode 12 [end]

With the kidnapping case resolved, the police thank Tachibana.

Yoshioka: Thanks for everything you did, Tachibana- and don’t worry, we won’t reveal your name as a low-life collaborating snitch!

Udagawa: It’s just as well you got there when you did, because after the cake would have come death! That’s how meals usually go, isn’t it?

(Tachibana: Oh, shut up, you minor characters! When am I going to get closure? I’ve wasted eleven episodes of my life in a stupid cake shop just to catch these damned kidnappers!)

Tachibana returns to Antique, where the others are still waiting. Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 12 [end]”

Antique Bakery parody episode 11

Tachibana finds himself trapped in yet another Flashback Mode about his kidnapping.

Young Tachibana: Mother, it was awful! And the worst thing wasn’t being taken from my family and forced to live with a strange man- it was eating cakes with strawberries on top!

Back in the present, the two cops plan a stakeout at Antique.

Old Detective: I know it’s the penultimate episode, but I’d like to announce that we habe names! I am now Udagawa, and this young guy is Yoshioka. Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 11”

Antique Bakery parody episode 10

Tachibana has a Flashback Mode about how he escaped his captor by stabbing him in the leg.

Tachibana: I don’t want any more strawberries!

Kidnapper: Wait! Would raspberries have been better?

In the present, Ono presents a new cake.

Eiji: Delicious! A perfect combination of mousse and fruit!

Ono: Er, yes, ‘mousse’… Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 10”

Antique Bakery parody episode 9

It’s a new day at Antique Bakery, and against all odds, Eiji’s fig cake is selling well.

Tachibana: Who would have thought such plain cake would sell this well? All those cooking shows about fine dining have lied to me!

Ono: Well, it’s just like my body- once people get a taste of it, they keep coming back for more.

Whilst Eiji makes more cakes, Tachibana and Ono discuss his future.

Tachibana: So, what do you think? Is he going to become a worthy patissier? Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 9”

Antique Bakery parody episode 8

The episode begins in the home of a female writer as she types up a story; for comedy’s sake, we shall pretend she is a food critic.

(Woman: The meal was absolutely awful. The potatoes were undercooked; I’ve cracked my teeth on softer rocks! And as for the dessert, well, to even call such a lacklustre and watery mixture a dessert is an insult to chefs everywhere.)

Her daughter comes in.

Daughter: Mum, I’m hungry.

Woman: Then go and eat something! Don’t bother me with such trivialities! You know where the fridge, supermarket and ATM machine are, don’t you? Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 8”

Antique Bakery parody episode 6

Through the magic of television, we’ve jumped ahead to several months after Antique’s opening. Everything is perfect, and everyone is happy.


Or not, because a new HARD GAY man is in town, and he’s packing red roses! He enters Antique, and one can almost hear the strains of Bach’s Toccata.

Man: Bonjour, je suis HARD GAY. Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 6”

Antique Bakery parody episode 4

Outside the bakery, Chigake thinks about Ono and gets a RAGING HARD-ON.

(Chikage: Ono, take me in your arms and let me the rich chocolate sauce to your creamy profiterole!)

At closing time, Tachibana calls Chikage in.

Chikage: What is it, young master?

Tachibana: Well, you know, it’s getting pretty late and I’m closing up shop soon…

Chikage: Are you propositioning me? Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 4”

Antique Bakery parody episode 3

The day of the grand opening has finally arrived.

Tachibana: Antique- open for business!

Ono: Sweet cakes and HARD GAY for all!

Eiji: Why’s it called ‘Antique’ anyway?

Unfortunately, the rain ensures a lack of customers- at least until one woman shows up.

Ono: All right, STRAIGHT boy, show me how you deal with women. Continue reading “Antique Bakery parody episode 3”