Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 15

The country of Shu is magically created by gathering Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Zhao Yun, Zhuge Liang and numerous cloned generics together in a castle.

Guan Yu: This is our land! Long-live Shu!

Zhang Fei: Take that, historical accuracy!

Liu Bei: This is boring! When are we going to get around to deciding my gender?

Zhuge Liang: Actually, what we need for that is the Lord’s Cube, which happens to be in Wu right now. I spent half the series helping Wu get it, but now the time has come for me to support Shu. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 15”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 14

Lu Xun awakens from a dream to find himself naked in bed.

(Lu Xun: What is this? Did someone violate me whilst I was sleeping?)

Meanwhile, other named characters gather around Zhou Yu’s corpse.

(Gan Ning: My lord, why did you have to deprive me of everything but CORPSE with you?)

Lu Meng places Zhou Yu’s Flute on his body.

Lu Meng: This was Zhou Yu’s weapon, which he used to bring Pleasure to many. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 14”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 13

Ling Tong pays a visit to Sun Quan.

Ling Tong: I’m sorry to ask for HARD GAY at such short notice, Sun Quan.

Sun Quan: Ling Tong, you should know that I am always ready for HARD GAY with you.

Ling Tong: Sir, I’m afraid this will be the last HARD GAY we can have together for a while, for I feel my chances of screen time are better served by going after Aniki.

Sun Quan: I understand- you’re worried that he’ll dump you for Zhuge Liang if you don’t go with him, right? Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 13”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 12

After some intense HARD GAY to celebrate their victory, all the named characters gather together in Sun Quan’s audience hall.

Sun Quan: Zhuge Liang, that was excellent HARD GAY.

Zhuge Liang: Thank you for recognising my superior abilities. Nonetheless, we cannot achieve the true heights of Pleasure without the Lord’s Cube, which is still in Cao Cao’s possession. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 12”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 11

Zhou Yu confronts Zhuge Liang.

Zhou Yu: Zhuge Liang, it is time to throw any pretence at historical accuracy aside and claim that you are a legendary wizard who can call forth thunderstorms with Key Item Big Dipper Mandala!

Lu Xun: Oh come on- that’s stretching credulity a bit too far!

Zhuge Liang: I agree; besides, I’m too modest to admit to my amazing magical powers just yet.

Back on the Red Cliff, Cao Cao talks to Zhuge Jin. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 11”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 10

A Wu guard outpost is attacked by an implausible and historically inaccurate laser cannon. More importantly, however, the named Wu characters eat a meal together the next day.

Lu Meng: Lord Taishi Ci-

Taishi Ci: I told you not to address me so informally now that you’ve levelled up from the HARD GAY training camp!

Taishi Ci tucks into Lu Meng’s herbal rice cakes.

Lu Meng: Our group just doesn’t feel right without Zhuge Jin’s casual superiority, but he hasn’t been back since that time he said he was leaving for good.

Lu Xun: Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll return- he’s not the sort to miss out on screen time.

Lu Meng: Who cares about that? Let’s go outside and pointlessly train some more! Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 10”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 9

Gan Ning wanders the land of Wei, dressed in a hooded cloak. He is stopped by some guards.

Guard: You there- that cloak and hood make you look rather suspicious.

Gan Ning: Oh, I’m just a generic labourer, and most certainly not a named character from an enemy country.

Guard: Oh, well that’s okay then. Carry on. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 9”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 8

Zhuge Liang talks to Sun Quan, Zhou Yu and Lu Xun.

Zhou Yu: Are you saying that your command of HARD GAY is beyond that of anyone here?

(Zhuge Liang: Of course it is.)

Sun Quan: I do want to try it, but I don’t want my men to get jealous of you.

Lu Xun: There’s only one thing to do- arrange a mass HARD GAY session so that no one feels left out.

Sun Quan: Won’t that be dangerous? Someone might get hurt in the throes of passion. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 8”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 7

Zhuge Liang talks to Lu Su.

Lu Su: Did you take me to your special place to give me HARD GAY?

Zhuge Liang: Hmm, perhaps.

Lu Su: If you ask me, you still seem distracted by your pupil. If I find out you’ve let him see your Sword already, I might start getting jealous.

At home, Lu Xun tries playing housewife to Ling Tong.

Ling Tong: This meal tastes horrible! Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 7”

Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 6

Whilst everyone else is sensible enough to sleep, Lu Xun indulges in Flashback Mode.

(Lu Xun: Master, was it really you who gave the Lord’s Cube to Huang Zu? Was it for the sake of the plot, or did you seek to create a HARD GAY partner worthy of your Liang?)

Zhuge Jin gets up.

Lu Xun: I’m sorry, did my flashbacks wake you up?

Zhuge Jin: Oh, it’s not your fault, it’s just that the floor was little too hard for me. I’m used to being on top of a nubile young man who’s only hard in one place. Continue reading “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 6”