1. The Koshi Rikdo Assassination Plot

It’s graduation day for the seniors at Inunabe High School, and a joyous Excel Excel is happy to finish with school and move onto her new job as an agent of the secret ideological organisation of Across. Skipping and singing, the delighted Excel makes her way across the playground, and right into the middle of the road- only to be hit by a truck.

Things look bad for poor Excel, and when her life starts flashing before her eyes, it seems for sure she’s a goner. Fortunately, when you’re the main character you get a little leeway with life and death, and the mystical and powerful Great Will of the Macrocosm shows up just in time to reset the story and keep Excel firmly in the land of the living.

The reset sends an alive and energetic Excel to Across Headquarters, home of the arch villain and aspiring world conqueror Lord Ilpallazzo. Whilst Excel frantically professes her admiration and love for Ilpallazzo and Across, Ilpallazzo tries to outline her next mission. In between shooting the over exuberant Excel (and having the Great Will revive her), Ilpallazzo explains that the corrupt world needs to be set to rights by a co-ordinated take-over- starting with the specific area of F City, F Prefecture, Japan. To that end, there are certain evil influences that must be eradicated- and worst of them all are the producers of subversive and distasteful pseudo-literature, better known as manga artists. Excel’s first mission will be to destroy these purveyors of evil, starting with the creator of a certain “Excel Saga” manga series- Koshi Rikdo.

That evening, Excel easily makes her way into Rikdo’s home, where the manga artist is hard at work finishing his latest comic- and only three days over deadline. Sword in hand, Excel moves to complete her mission, only to be hit with a crisis of conscience. Excel’s good and bad sides materialise to put forth their arguments for and against Rikdo’s murder, at least until Good Excel puts an end to events by shooting Bad Excel.

By this time, Rikdo has cottoned onto the fact that an intruder is present in his room, and as he cowers in fear, Excel’s doubts vanish. Whilst the cameras conveniently cut away, Excel finishes her task, only to be wracked with doubt when she looks at Rikdo’s desk and realises he was working on a volume of Excel Saga. After showing up to reprimand Excel for killing the original comic book creator, the Great Will offers to undo her crime by resetting the story once again.

Working for world (or even city) domination is no easy task, and with finance an ever-present problem, Excel has no choice but to take on a part-time job as a traffic controller at a construction site. Unfortunately, Excel’s enthusiasm (and ability to survive fatal encounters with trucks) far outweighs her competence, and within minutes she manages to cause a pile-up. Completely nonplussed, Excel turns away from the destruction to pay a visit to a friend and colleague- the immigrant construction worker Pedro.

Poor Pedro is feeling quite miserable- ever since he came to Japan to earn money, he had been away from his beloved son Sandora and his beautiful sexy wife. Excel tells him to stop moping- hard work and sacrifice should be nothing if he truly loves them. Inspire by her words, a re-energised Pedro throws himself into his work, and as she watches him, Excel decides that she should put some effort in too. Unfortunately, however, lack of funds means that Excel has not eaten in four days, and soon collapses. Only thoughts of her beloved Ilpallazzo can keep her strong, but as she dances and waves her traffic baton around in homage to him, she manages to guide a number of lorries and cars into crashing into each other.

With the crashed lorries having exploded and set fire to the construction site, everyone is forced to flee for safety. As he runs, however, Pedro drops his photo of Sandora, and he quickly turns back into the flames to get it. Looking on, Excel wonders whether she should rush in and save him, but even though her good side shows up and tries to exhort her to be a heroine (at least until she gets arrested for the murder of Bad Excel), Excel decides that her work for Across is too important to be risking her life- besides, she is too hungry.

Distracted by hunger, Excel sets her sights on the one thing that looks like it might provide sustenance- a passing dog. Whilst Excel chases after the poor creature, the Great Will arrives to revive Pedro, but before she can bring him back to life, she realises it is time to go- leaving poor Pedro to wander hopelessly between life and death.

Back at Across HQ, Ilpallazzo’s luck isn’t going well either- he just can’t seem to manage even the most basic of electric guitars. Meanwhile, a ravenous Excel returns to her apartment, wishing only that she could share some of the delicious stew that her neighbours are enjoying- although maybe the dog she caught will help to assuage her hunger. However, it is still Pedro who is getting the worst of it- for now that he is a ghost, he can only watch as his son and sexy wife start to forget about him.

The next day, a re-energised Excel is ready to receive her next mission; although in point of fact, the mission Ilpallazzo has lined up is the one she ultimately failed to complete before- Rikdo’ assassination. With doubt replaced by determination, Excel heads back to Rikdo’s room to finish the job- and this time, there is to be no stay of execution…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *