Ginga Densetsu Weed parody: episode eighteen

Genba is taken back to Gajou, but he is still in Berserk status. He kills a black dog and attacks Hougen. In return, Hougen kills him.

Subordinate dog: Hougen, what are you doing?

Hougen: I know it seemed like I just ripped my brother’s throat open, but what really happened was much deeper than that. Enter Flashback mode!

Cut to the probably not too distant past. An anonymous narrator starts speaking.

Narrator: Now, I know you’ve all been thinking that Hougen is your average run-of-the-mill, two dimensional villain…and, let’s face it, he is, right down to the point in the series when you discover that he was driven to EVILZ by a greater EVILZ. You see, what happened was that Hougen and Genba were locked up this EVILZ human and forced to eat their fellow captives (unimportant brown/black dogs, might I add) to survive. When the EVILZ human returned, they ate him and became the cruel (if not unusual) villains we know and hate today.

Back to the present; Hougen captures Toube and his forces.

Hougen: Everyone knows that thuggish types like myself value their brothers above all else! Subordinates, kill Toube and Genba’s underlings for letting them die!

Toube: Hougen, don’t you think that executing a sizeable chunk of your forces is a really bad idea?

Hougen: You fool, it establishes me as even more evil than before, and makes it easier for the forces of good to defeat me at the end of the series.

Hougen kills Toube. Three generals and Kamakiri left.

Meanwhile, Weed and his party are proceeding to an unspecified safe hideout when they meet up with Akame’s team.

Akame: Weed, we’re officially joining your party now.

Play Suikoden wav; the group proceeds until they spot Kamakiri’s forces.

Hiro: Looks like another mid-boss we’ll have to fight before we can get to the final stage.

Weed: It’s okay; I have a plan.

Weed and Rocket run out in front of the enemy.

Weed: Oh no, we’ve accidentally run into the enemy. Let’s run away and hope they’re stupid enough not to realise it’s a trap.

Weed and Rocket run off.

Kamakiri: After them!

Kamakiri’s group follow Weed and Rocket. They reach a cliff; Kamakiri checks himself but unimportant brown dogs fall down and have to climb back up.

Weed: It looks like the plan didn’t work as I predicted, who would have thought that a cliff we could easily traverse offscreen wouldn’t prove fatal to our enemies?

Rocket: What should we do now?

Weed: It’s okay, the studio has found enough money to animate more dogs than just the two of us- we can proceed with a new plan.

Rocket continues to lure Kamakiri’s squad onwards whilst Weed sets up plan B!

Kamakiri: After him! They tried to trick us once, so it’s inconceivable that they’d do it again!

Kamakiri’s squad continues on until they find themselves surrounded by a circle of Weed forces!

Kamakiri: Oh no, we clearly outnumber them but they have good on their side! We’ll surely be defeated, but let’s go forth and die like dogs!

Weed: Oh no, they’re going to call our bluff! I didn’t see that coming either!

A squad of brown dogs appears, led by ‘heavy’ brown dogs Moss and Mushashi.

Moss: Don’t you just love it when backup for the side of good appears!

GB: Quick, we can capitalise on this! Everyone run round and round and shout out, and the enemy will believe invisible reinforcements are arriving!

The named characters follow GB’s lead.

Hiro: Don’t you think this a touch too ridiculous?

Kyoushiro: Don’t be stupid!

Kamakiri: This trick has been used at least a hundred times before, but as a mid-boss I’m still stupid enough to fall for it. Retreat!

Kamakiri’s troop retreats; their eventual defeat must be stretched out a bit more. Weed goes to meet Moss and Mushashi.

Moss: We’re Gin characters (probably) who’d like to inscribe our names on the new stone tablet. Jerome recruited us, through a sequence that, like much else in the series, conveniently took place offscreen.

Weed: Is Jerome here?

Moss: He was here just a minute ago, but seems to have disappeared.

Cut to Jerome, who watches events from a short distance away, together with four nameless bodyguards (one actually appears to be female!).

Female bodyguard: Assuming I’m not an effeminate male, I represent a sidelined gender in this series, and so must have at least one line. Jerome, why can’t you rejoin Weed? Your name is currently greyed out on the stone tablet.

Jerome: Nameless characters like you just can’t understand that Weed and I need to endure episodes of angst and misunderstanding before we can become best buddies again (in a proper, manly sense) and defeat the final boss. We still have eight episodes to fill!

Jerome leaves. Weed calls out after him.

Narrator: Who am I? You shall never know. And yet, I can tell you that an ominous evil is stirring- and as you well know, I’m only saying this so that you’ll feel watching the next episode is a must.

To be continued in the next exciting episode of Ginga Densetsu Weed!