This scan is apparently from SaiMono but to me it looks like some kind of Death Note bondage session.
I always have mixed feelings when I google something and my blog scores highly in the results; one the one hand, it’s gratifying to see it appear, but on the other hand, if I’m trying to search for something I don’t currently have a clue about, my own blog is hardly going to help me.
How to be evil: What not to Wear
When trying to present yourself as an evil villain, bumming around in a t-shirt and shorts just isn’t going to cut it- no matter how many hours you spend sitting in your castle of evil, you need to do it in style. Before you head down to the nearest clothes store, however, be sure to read through this guide in order to discover which outfits to choose.
- Older men: for the mature gentleman, villainous dress is as simple as it comes- a dark suit and tie is sufficient to indicate your worldly experience and corporate, capitalistic evil. Avoid going clean shaven as this will make you too honest and open, however, be aware that too much facial hair is also a bad move; at best, you will appear friendly and avuncular, at worst you will resemble Santa Claus. Try to cultivate a short yet functional beard and moustache, or opt for a goatee if you wish to appear especially evil. Fashionable glasses or a monocle are also recommended, but avoid wearing shades or any kind of hat.
- Young men: If you wish to be a youthful villain, you must be a bishounen- if your looks are below average, there is no point even continuing. Long hair is recommended, and can be either very dark or extremely pale; preferred clothing is either a high school uniform or suit with loose tie, whilst a long dark overcoat that can billow our behind you is nigh essential.
Occasionally, you may need to infiltrate the hero party by posing as a normal person; in this case black trousers, white shirt and glasses are required.
- Women: sultry and seductive is the watchword, so keep both hair and dresses long. Either choose a simple black number or an incredibly elaborate piece of engineered fabric, complete with jewellery and headpiece. Nails should be long and painted.
- If you wish to be an ‘extreme’ type villain, the above must be ignored in favour of highly impractical and near-indecent clothing such as a thong.
Using anime to spice up your CV/resumé
So, crunch time has come- for whatever reason, you realise that it’s time to get a job, but thanks to your near-hikki ways, the old CV is a bit sparse. Admitting that you spent an unhealthy amount of time sitting on your backside and watching anime probably isn’t the best way to get prospective employers to notice you, but fear not- this handy guide will explain how to market your anime viewing skills to their full potential. You aren’t just watching anime, you are becoming experienced in the following skills:
- Refining foreign language skills via a total immersion technique (watching raw/subbed anime).
- Creating accurate graphical records (taking screencaps).
- Organising extensive volumes of data across different media formats (transferring files to external hard drives or burning them to disc).
- Time management (fitting in all those episodes that were released over the weekend).
- Gathering resources from a variety of online sources (downloading via bittorrent, IRC or ddl).
- Troubleshooting operating system issues (why the hell has my computer crashed again?)
- Recognising traits and patterns in data (not another harem series)
- Researching and reading background information about relevant material (looking up spoilers on blogs, wiki and the AnimeSuki forums).
- Gaining stamina to work on the same task for six months to a year (watching 26-52 episode series as they air).
Code Geass: sponsored by Pizza Hut
Some people have been claiming that Pizza Hut appears often in Code Geass, and that it is all part of some evil marketing plan. I have to say that those people are clearly paranoid- if you look at these selected scenes from the series, you’ll barely see a mention of Pizza Hut.
For each episode of Code Geass that you watch, you get one coupon towards a free meal at Pizza Hut.
- C.C. transfers her power to Lelouch, who uses it on some generics.
Lelouch: Generics, bring me some Pizza Hut.
Generics: Right away.
- Lelouch gets in the contact with the terrorists.
Lelouch: Since I don’t like any extra toppings on my pizza, you may call me Zero. Since I am the main character, you must follow my orders and help to liberate delicious Pizza Hut from the evil Brittanians.
Karen: We’ll do it- we’re sick of the Brittanians having all the pizza for themselves.
- At school, Lelouch has to stay behind for a student council meeting.
Millay: Now, the first order of business is to deal with student requests. We’ve had an overwhelming number of letters asking for the school cafeteria to start serving Pizza Hut. What do you think, Lelouch?
Lelouch: Excuse me, I’m just finishing off my Pizza Hut
- Meanwhile, at the Brittanian research facility…
Lloyd: Excellent! By feeding our Knightmare pilots Pizza Hut, their performance is increased by 50%!
Bakumatsu 5 screencap parody
“The Lord’s Head” is a source of incredibly powerful HARD GAY.
Villains in search of HARD GAY power are interested in the Lord’s Head.
Our villain has been reading Tuesday Rumble’s “How to be Evil”.
Damn those foreign scum!
It is best not to swing your ‘sword’ around in a brothel until you know the proper etiquette.
Kanna shows off his ‘pistol’.
Weekly Awards
Gratuitous Violence of the Week: Although neither are particularly recent titles, both Gantz and Elfen Lied deserve a prize for the amount of blood and corpses each of them manages to pack into their relative runtimes.
Novels that should be translated: As I slowly work my way through the Haruhi and Zero no Tsukaima novel translations, I can’t help feeling that there are worthier projects just waiting to be made accessible to those of us without an extensive grasp of Japanese. Naturally, the winner in this category is the ever worthy Saiunkoku Monogatari (the novel covers alone have me drooling in anticipation), but other suggestions include Iriya no Sora UFO no Natsu, Maria-sama ga Miteru and even the original NHK novels.
“What’s that in his underwear?” of the week: Just as I was recovering from Busou Renkin’s Papillon pulling a butterfly mask out of his thong, Luffy of One Piece decided to reach around inside his underwear to remove an octopus.
Traumatising moment of the week: In keeping with the above, Papillon scores a second award for reaching around in his underwear (in fact, just the sight of Papillon in a thong is bad enough).
OST Spotlight: Final Fantasy X-2
FFX-2 opens with a melodic piano piece, but if that gets your hopes up for the rest of the OST, then unfortunately they are going to be sorely dashed. Whilst there are a handful of worthy tracks mixed in amongst the dross, most of what is on offer are either simplistic electronic mixes that sound like the background arrangement for a superior signature theme that doesn’t actually exist, or a marginally worthy piece denied all worth by endless looping.
Notable tracks: Eternity ~Memory of Lightwave~, I’ll Give You Something Hot, Sphere Hunter, Under Bevelle, Eternity ~Band Member Performance~
Worthiness: The opening theme aside, there is little reason to taint your ears with this.
In Your Reflection
This week is another head to head between hot-headed ginger males- namely Haruka 8’s Tenma and Furuba’s Kyo. Both are antisocial with short tempers and a tendency to resort to violence, but where Kyo softens and becomes more likable, Tenma remains a possessive wife beater throughout.
Amusing Search Terms
you toube: back for its tenth consecutive week.
your toube: another guest spot to support its cousin
You toube pr0n: a rarer member of the family.
t: to everyone searching for t, remember, the fourth dimension isn’t t (time), it’s ict (square root of -1 * speed of light * time). See the useful things you learn in physics lectures.
tutor el ova: presumably this is some OVA I’ve never heard of and not someone looking for an OVA tutor.
hack pre audition: long time readers of this blog may remember that I used to get “hack audition” as a search term for reasons I could never fathom; now it has finally returned in an evolved form.
blonde shounen: that’s specific.
abandon yu-gi-oh cards: yes, you must abandon them when you realise they are expensive and largely pointless (anyone want to buy mine?).
hacked first auditions gay: another entry worthy of just a “hmmm…”.
I’d also like to thank the person who searched for Bubblegum Crisis 2040 episode 10, since this means that my episode guides are occasionally of use.
