Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 12

After some intense HARD GAY to celebrate their victory, all the named characters gather together in Sun Quan’s audience hall.

Sun Quan: Zhuge Liang, that was excellent HARD GAY.

Zhuge Liang: Thank you for recognising my superior abilities. Nonetheless, we cannot achieve the true heights of Pleasure without the Lord’s Cube, which is still in Cao Cao’s possession.

Lu Meng: It’s good to know we haven’t run out of plot so soon.

Sun Quan: You must help Wu recover the Cube so that we can experience legendary HARD GAY!

Zhuge Liang: I cannot promise anything, for I must do what the plot requires.

Zhou Yu: My Lord, I must insist that Zhuge Liang shows us his Sword before we proceed.

(Zhuge Liang: Zhou Yu, you will never be worthy of seeing my Sword!)

(Zhou Yu: Once you expose your most vulnerable area, I shall remove it, and so become the largest man in the land!)

(Lu Xun: If only I could see it…)

Later, Zhou Yu talks to Sun Quan.

Sun Quan: Zhuge Liang is such a skilled lover that he has already found a place in all our hearts.

Zhou Yu: When a man is too big, it becomes impossible to admire him.

Sun Quan: Are you jealous of Zhuge Liang, by any chance?

Zhou Yu: I am merely worried that his HARD GAY is too dangerous for you. Please leave matters of your Pleasure in my hands, so to speak.

Sun Quan: I appreciate that you were my brother’s closest lover, but I wish to experiment with as many men as possible.

Meanwhile, Lu Su shows Zhuge Liang to his room.

Lu Su: Here’s your room- perfect for HARD GAY, I think you’ll find.

Zhuge Liang: Ah yes, I understand Sun Quan is interested in taking new partners.

Lu Su: Sun Quan is nothing compared to you!

Zhuge Liang: Very well, then I shall give you something special.

Zhuge Liang gets out his Sword.

Lu Su: Is that for me?

Zhuge Liang: Enjoy the pinnacle of HARD GAY!

Meanwhile, Lu Meng cooks dinner for the other Pleasure Rangers.

Taishi Ci: You really like cooking, don’t you?

Lu Meng: I’m hoping to launch my own spin-off show, Lu Meng’s Cookery Tips. By the way, where’s Lu Xun?

Ling Tong: He’s off seeing to his “master” again- honestly, he spends so much time with Zhuge Liang that he keeps forgetting to service me!

(Zhuge Jin: So, Liang’s got the boy calling him Master now; not that I can blame him when I would have done the same.)

As expected, Lu Xun is with Zhuge Liang.

Zhuge Liang: Lu Xun, I must admit that you are my favourite lover.

(Lu Xun: Then why haven’t I seen your Sword yet?)

Zhuge Liang: Nonetheless, there are many men who wish to partake of my skills, and so I must depart soon.

Lu Xun: Master, I have always know that I must share you, but just for tonight- be mine alone!

Somehow, Zhuge Liang teleports away.

Lu Xun: Master, where are you? I wanted to see your Sword!

Zhao Yun approaches.

Zhao Yun: Are you sure you want to know the sordid details of your master’s love life?

Lu Xun: Yes, I must know!

Zhao Yun: Very well- he has gone to sleep with Zhou Yu.

Lu Xun: Zhou Yu!

Zhou Yu waits in his bedroom for Zhuge Liang.

Zhou Yu: Ah, there you are- it’s about time.

Zhuge Liang: Indeed, it is a Pleasure to have HARD GAY with you.

Zhou Yu: Basic HARD GAY is not enough for me- why don’t you ask me for something more advanced?

Zhuge Liang: Very well, then- I would like Needle.

Meanwhile, the other Rangers have gone to bed.

Ling Tong: Where’s Aniki? I’m ready for HARD GAY!

Gan Ning: Are you feeling jealous? Maybe I should take over for him!

Ling Tong: I only want Aniki!

Back in Zhou Yu’s room, Zhou Yu hesitates over Needle.

Zhuge Liang: What’s wrong? Surely you cannot find me unattractive?

Zhou Yu: What about you? Am I not too small for you?

Zhuge Liang: When two consenting adults both want it, such things do not matter. I merely accept your inferior size as the inevitable consequence of my being the biggest man in the world.

Zhou Yu: Very well, but I must know one thing- if you are so well endowed, why do you need the Lord’s Cube?

Zhuge Liang: I merely wish to see the sort of HARD GAY it may create.

Zhou Yu: Do you wish to become a god of HARD GAY?

Zhuge Liang: Much as I hate to say it, as the main character, Lu Xun is the most likely to become a god of HARD GAY- and on that day, I shall show him my Sword. And now I must ask you something- if you consider yourself inferior to me, why do you not seek the Lord’s Cube? Are you afraid that your Sword would shatter if you used it?

Zhou Yu: I have sworn to only use my own strength in the bedroom.

Zhuge Liang: Fair enough- now let us begin the HARD GAY.

Zhou Yu gasps as Zhuge Liang shows him his mighty Sword. Lu Xun rushes over to the room, but by the time he gets there, the deed has been done.

Zhou Yu: I’m sorry, but you’re too late for any HARD GAY. And tomorrow morning I shall kill Zhuge Liang!

Lu Xun: How can you kill my master?

Zhou Yu: This is for your sake too! Do you always want to be jealous of how big he is, even as you endure burning pain?

Lu Xun: I don’t care! I just want to see his Sword!

Zhou Yu walks away as Ling Tong arrives.

Ling Tong: Aniki, when are you going to service me?

Lu Xun: Bad news, Ling Tong! Zhou Yu is going to kill Zhuge Liang!

Ling Tong: At last- er, I mean, how terrible!

Lu Xun: I must rescue him, but you will be surplus to requirements, and so can stay behind.

Ling Tong: I’m not going to be a stay at home wife all my life! I’m coming too!

Lu Xun and Ling Tong visit Zhuge Liang.

Lu Xun: Master, please escape the country via this convenient boat!

Zhuge Liang: What about you? Won’t you get in trouble for this?

Lu Xun: Don’t worry, I’m the main character.

Zhuge Liang and Zhao Yun sail away just as Zhou Yu arrives.

Lu Xun: Sir, I have defied your orders, but in return, I shall get you the Lord’s Cube.

(Zhou Yu: Damn his untouchable main character status!)

To be continued.