Tuesday Rumble: January 15th

What to do whilst waiting for the next episode of Clannad

Over at Random Curiosity, many seem to be finding it hard to occupy themselves between episodes of Clannad, especially when the series takes a week off. Now, we at Azure Flame are an understanding lot (I say we, but I really mean me), and so we’ve decided to put together some suggestions as to what you can do to ease the pain of those long waits.

• Watch other anime: I’ve been reliably informed that anime series other than Clannad do, in fact, exist, and some of them are even superior to it. Watching them will surely help the time pass.
• Rewatch old episodes: If you really can’t accept the existence of those other series, then at least watch the first half of the series again…and again…and again.
• Take up a new hobby: Fill your life with, well, activity- perchance you already have work, school or both, but there are many other things you can do to fill your time. Get out of the house more, and the wait will seem less strenuous.
• Discover manga and gaming: If you absolutely cannot leave the house, then at least make the time spent indoors interesting. Manga and gaming aren’t too dissimilar from the anime scene, so you can ease yourself into them.
• Stare at a black screen: If all else fails, try this- you never know what images you might be able to discern if you look at the blackness long enough.

Kaiji- the Room of Naked Men

“It’s not fair! I’m telling Mum!”

“It’s time for you to learn the meaning of HARD GAY, boy!”

“We don’t have time to waste!”

“Hmm, I suppose your size is acceptable.”

“Men can’t have sex with other men- can they?”

Yes, Kaiji, they can.

“Come here boy- I like the look of your tackle.”

“I like a man who’s willing to experiment.”

“Now, since it’s your first time, I won’t force you to go all the way.”

“This place is about one thing and one thing early- casual sex!”

“He’s taking me from behind!”

“All right, you had me- but now it’s my turn!”

“Take it like a man!”

Kaiji develops a foot fetish.

“I don’t want it anymore!”

Really? I hadn’t noticed.

“What cologne do you use?”

“Oh god, how did I end up in an escape pod ejected into outer space?”

Dragons’ Den: Magic CCTV and Villain Chair

Welcome to a new feature based on the TV program of the same name, in which anime characters try to market their great idea to five fat cats of anime! President Aria made his fortune in the gondola industry of Neo Venezia, and is now CEO of a well-known company. Mikoto started her business in the capital of Wind Bloom, and is now a trusted advisor to the queen, with business partners scattered across the world. The Admiral‘s first business venture was to invest in a Chinese restaurant, but a meteor threat to Earth saw her buy shares in ground and space based defence technology, which she currently administers with her protégé “The General” (aka Shogun). Mr Tibbs started his career as a tea cat for the bank, but his sound grasp of finance saw him rise up the ranks until he became one of their most prominent managers. Finally, The Cardinal is the world’s most powerful fat cat, with a wide range of business interests that ensure that he has a paw in every pie (often literally, depending on his appetite). These five cats represent some heavyweight investment clout in every sense of the word, but is any deal attractive enough to get them to roll off their backsides and shake paws with a budding entrepreneur?

Next into the Den is one Fei Wong Reed, who is looking for investment in his Equipment of Evil company. Can he offer a deal tempting enough to get the Dragons interested?

Fei Wong: Greetings, fat cats! I’m here today to pitch for investment in Equipment of Evil, a company specialising in high-end equipment for archvillains. I’ve brought some samples of our products here with me today- a custom-built chair for conducting villainous activities in, and a magic CCTV with which to automatically watch the heroes’ activities. The market for this type of product is growing all the time, and if you invest, you can be part of it. Any questions?

Aria: Punyu? [How did you get to this concept?]

Fei Wong: Well, as a sufferer of frequent back pain, I knew that standing all the time wasn’t going to do me any good, but once I was in the chair, I couldn’t really do much without having a good way to watch the heroes.

Mr Tibbs: I notice your CCTV seems to be on Syaoran TV at the moment- is there any way to change that?

Fei Wong: Well, each CCTV will be tuned to a custom hero channel using our patented technology.

Mr Tibbs: I see- and is there any way to change the channel if I get bored? Say I want to take time off and just relax in front of Sky Movies- would that be possible?

Fei Wong: Unfortunately, we haven’t yet discovered any way of changing the channel.

Fei Wong’s pitch was going way, but by admitting a major flaw in his product, he has lost the interest of at least one of the Dragons.

Mr Tibbs: I’m sorry to say it, but that makes your product infinitely less attractive to me- I mean, who would spend 177 chapters of their life watching the same channel? And for that reason, I’m out.

Mr Tibbs has declared himself out- what will the other Dragons think?

The Admiral: Fei Wong, how many of these have you sold so far?

Fei Wong: Well, about, er, ten in the last year.

The Admiral: Ten?

Fei Wong: They’re custom builds with a five-hundred percent mark-up. We are making money.

The Admiral: Well yes, but I don’t believe your claim that this is a scalable business- I think you’ll shift a few, but never enough for me to make a return, and that’s the reason why I’m out.

Mikoto: Just to let you know where I am, I’m out too.

Aria: Punyu. [I’ve heard bad things about you in the press, and I think your negative image will reflect badly on me, so I’m out.]

Cardinal: I’m sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else’s objections; this isn’t a company I can make money on so I won’t be investing, but I would like to place an order for my own chair and CCTV.

Fei Wong: Hah, I knew you wouldn’t invest, but this is all going to plan! Farewell, suckers!

Fei Wong has left the Den without investment.

Mr Tibbs: When will he learn that that “everything’s going to plan” line doesn’t fool anyone anymore?

This Week in Anime

Apples- as endorsed by Master Keaton.

“Dad, I support apples now- get these oranges out of here.”

“It’s a fruit overload!”

For the ultimate flavourless experience, try new Bland!

“I know I swore loyalty to apples, but these peaches are mighty fine!”

Note the Mikoto-cross on the forehead of the dog.

Why do I feel like there might be the teensiest flaw in this argument?

Two MANLY men meet for some HARD GAY on the so-called “Meat Day”.

Anime World Tour- Last Exile

Welcome to the world of Prestale, where vanships roam the skies and the nobles enjoy a life of luxury and plenty even as the commoners struggle to find clean water. Fear not, however, for during your stay on our planet, the Maestro Delphine will kindly allow you to sample all of the delicacies the Guild has to offer- for a price. Be it crucifixion in roses or gladiatorial combat to the death, you can be sure that your time at the Guild will never lack for excitement!

For those on a more modest budget, however, we recommend the planetary surface package- it may not be as glamorous, but you will be able to watch vanships in flight, bet on chocobo races and much, much more!

Mini-editorial: Blogging the British way

Now apparently, the mere act of being British is enough to level up one’s blogging, and truly our allies in other countries must be wondering- how can we ever compete with those tea-sipping villains? Well, kind as I am, I have decided to put together the secrets of blogging success, and you won’t even have to emigrate to achieve them.

• Drink plenty of tea: tea is the fuel of Britain; without it, we cannot function. By sipping tea regularly, you can increase brain function and write yards of flawless, fascinating prose.
• Force everyone to speak the language: English may not be your first language, but we demand that you blog in it to demonstrate our apparent superiority and hide our inability to write in any other language. Unfortunately for all concerned, the English language has about a million words, of which the average native speaker knows 10,000- if we only know 1% of our own language, how can anyone else ever be expected to master it?
• Rename your country: Naming it “Great Britain” must truly have had an effect- try renaming your nation to something like “Fabulous Germany” or “Awesome Malaysia” to see if it helps.
• Master our culture and history by watching Blackadder– this will teach you relevant historical facts and demonstrate the use of humour, sarcasm and irony at its best.

In Your Reflection

This week sees a head-to-head between Aria’s Alice and Minami-ke’s Chiaki; both are the youngest of their respective main character groups, with a cool know-it-all attitude and a tendency to be blunt in their assessment of other people. Nonetheless, both of them can act childish at times, be it trying to get home by only walking in shadows, or naming a rock and kicking it all the way home

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourite: you toube sex

anime girls with ears: they mostly do have ears, unless they’ve been in some kind of accident.

animeblogger girl wrestling: Hmm, I wonder what my fellow female bloggers would think of taking part in such a thing.

“mechanic”+”ardavan”: Were you searching for Makai Kingdom or physics information?

anime girl free herself to Christmas: Hmm…

removing bikini: Quite simple, really.

“damned souls” naked: Naked prinnies! Shocking!

use me for sex: Don’t you think we should get to know each other first?

“rpg maker”breast: Breasts in RMXP are mere pixels.

Amusing Spam

“Zimbabwe: $10bn Cash Deal -…

Mutekede tendered her mobile phone to the court which showed five text messages she sent Kadzura after her arrest and…”

…and what happens next? It’s like my very own soap opera!

“Fundraiser focuses on ”Beginnings” -…

Silent and live auction items include VIP seats to Broadway shows; a New York City package featuring a taping of…”

Hmm…

“cuppoodles in wilkes county”

nAre these dogs that double as teacups?

“blood clot color diagram”

Red?

“Alan…

Please, you have to elaborate on this one. I remember this movie celebrity I meet that would chuckle at this….”

Alan isn’t a man to elaborate on such things.

“asked question tattoos of gypsy girl”

I don’t know what tattoos she had, to be honest. Sorry.