As the Pleasure Rangers continue on their way home, Lu Xun is still in Angst Mode.
(Lu Xun: Why did this have to happen? Now I’m never going to get a glimpse of Master’s mighty weapon!)
Lu Meng: I think there’s a farmhouse nearby- we should rest and have some refreshing HARD GAY there.
Taishi Ci: But we need to get back quickly so that we can service Sun Quan!
Lu Meng: If we’re out of practice, we’ll be in no fit state to service him.
At Liu Bei’s palace, the named Shu characters gather together.
Zhuge Liang: Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, it’s good that you were able to defeat minor Wei characters, but that was just an interlude.
Liu Bei: That’s right- it’s about time you tried to capture the heroes again.
Zhuge Liang: Actually, if we want to observe the proper clichés, we should move on to the next underling for this week. Zhao Yun, it’s your turn to try and fail to capture the heroes, okay?
Liu Bei: Great idea! And afterwards, you can visit my bedroom, okay?
(Zhang Fei: Damn it, aren’t we good enough anymore?)
Meanwhile, the Pleasure Rangers have changed into generic clothes so that they can remain incognito in a farming village.
(Generics: Are those main characters? They’re dressed like us, but they have names!)
Lu Meng: Taishi Ci, what say we take a bath?
Lu Meng takes Taishi Ci into the bathroom to ‘scrub his back’.
Taishi Ci: You’re so small, no one would ever guess you were a soldier! I can see I’m going to have train you in the ways of rough Pleasure.
Lu Meng: I can’t help my size.
Taishi Ci: Oh, don’t worry about it- everyone has to start somewhere. Why, I remember when Sun Ce himself first trained me in the ways of HARD GAY. Ah, good times, good times.
Taishi Ci stands up in the bath.
Lu Meng: Hey, you aren’t that big yourself!
Taishi Ci: Shut up! None of my lovers have ever complained.
They begin having a bit of rough and tumble in the bathroom. Meanwhile, Zhuge Jin, Lu Xun and Ling Tong talk outside.
Zhuge Jin: You know, Lu Xun, you may be the main character, but I have seen Zhuge Liang naked.
Lu Xun: You have!? Tell me all about it!
Lu Xun roughly shoves Ling Tong aside to go to Zhuge Jin.
Zhuge Jin: He was so big and strong and hard- I need a nubile young lover to help me forget about him.
(Zhuge Jin: He has to get the hint this time.)
(Ling Tong: Lu Xun, when will you return to my loving arms?)
Whilst Gan Ning gives himself Flute, Taishi Ci sits down for a drink.
(Taishi Ci: Sun Ce, I have many strong young lovers to service me now, just as you had that marble dildo you were always so fond of.)
Later that night, everyone’s sleep is disturbed by the news that Liu Bei’s men are burning another generic village.
Taishi Ci: There’s no point wasting our energy out there- it’s just another load of generics.
Lu Xun: But we’re meant to be heroes! Pure of heart and short on pragmatism!
Predictably, by the next day Lu Xun is in Angst Mode again, and wants nothing more than to run to Zhuge Liang’s arms. The others stop him.
Taishi Ci: You can’t keep running off in the hopes that you’ll catch a glimpse of Zhuge Liang without any clothes on. You have all of us to service you now- what more could you want?
Lu Xun: Stop ordering me around- I’m the main character!
Taishi Ci: Main character this!
Taishi Ci knocks Lu Xun down.
Lu Meng: Come on, Lu Xun, it’s not all that bad- here, I brought you a silkworm.
Energised by this gift, Lu Xun continues onwards with the others. Meanwhile, Zhao Yun is unhappy.
Zhao Yun: Where are those fit young men? They were supposed to come and service me hours ago!
Zhao Yun thinks back to his last meeting with Zhuge Liang, who gave him an aphrodisiac.
Zhuge Liang: I’ll leave this with you- use it when the time is right.
Back in the present, Zhao Yun can wait no longer. He leaps on Guan Yu and forces the aphrodisiac on him.
Guan Yu: No! I can’t take any more! My backside is on fire!
Lu Xun’s group is just about to cross back into Wu when Zhao Yun appears, ‘riding’ a transformed Guan Yu.
Gan Ning: We must go! This is just getting ridiculous now!
Whilst the others run, Taishi Ci remains behind to face the enemy. Guan Yu appears to have turned into some kind of giant mechanical horse, the stuff of nightmares.
Taishi Ci: It’s time for me to sacrifice myself in the pursuit of the roughest HARD GAY known to man! Go on without me.
Lu Xun: I can’t leave without you!
Lu Meng: Yes we can- there are still several more episodes to fill.
Taishi Ci: Pleasure powers on! Ranger Yellow!
Taishi Ci and the Guan Yu horse monster do battle, both ultimately falling to their apparent deaths.
To be continued…
