Liu Bei rails at the deaths of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.
Liu Bei: Damn those accursed Pleasure Rangers! Zhuge Liang, give me the HARD GAY power needed to defeat them!
Zhuge Liang: Certainly, my Lord.
Zhuge Liang uses the Lord’s Cube to infuse Liu Bei with HARD GAY energy; somehow in the process a boss monster is produced- a dragon with Liu Bei junctioned to its head.
Meanwhile, at Wu palace, Wei’s Zhang Liao comes charging in. He is taken to see Sun Quan.
Zhuge Jin: This must have something to do with Liu Bei- I bet he’s gone on a Pleasure rampage.
(Lu Xun: Master, what have you done? You’ve corrupted everyone with HARD GAY energy!)
Meanwhile, Zhang Liao makes his report.
Lu Meng: What are you doing here- aren’t we supposed to be enemies?
Zhang Liao: That was so last month- besides, there’s only time to resolve the Liu Bei storyline now. Anyway, I have bad news to report- when we went to attack Shu, a frigid wind stripped us of our desires for warming HARD GAY, and the whole army froze to death!
Sun Quan: We must fight this enemy of Pleasure!
As if on cue, Wu is assailed by a cold, frigid wind. Sun Quan talks with Zhang Zhao.
Sun Quan: Even though you are only a minor character, I want you to know that your off screen Pleasure teachings have always been of use to me.
Zhang Zhao: If only I had been a frontline soldier instead of a highly ranked civil advisor, I might have had more screen time!
The generics of Wu are evacuated from the capital.
Lu Xun: Master, why are you doing all this? None of it makes any sense!
Sun Quan: It may be that he is testing you- and if you prove worthy, you will finally see his mighty endowment.
Later, the Pleasure Rangers are waiting when the Liu Bei Dragon arrives. It looks like something out of Yu-Gi-Oh!.
Lu Xun: By the powers of love and friendship- Pleasure Rangers, move out!
Liu Bei: Frozen Breath!
Lu Xun: Blazing Shield!
Zhuge Jin: His power level is off the charts!
Lu Meng: There has to be a weakness! Bosses always have one weak point!
The Pleasure Rangers try a team attack, but the dragon deflects it.
Lu Meng: Lu Xun, you must retreat! The main character has to survive until the very end!
Whilst the other Pleasure Rangers attack, Lu Xun runs away.
Liu Bei: How dare you disrespect the final boss by running away? I’ll get you!
Zhuge Jin: Not so fast! We supporting characters need our time in the spotlight too, even if we are ultimately useless!
Meanwhile, Zhuge Liang is conducting a ritual to seal away the power of the Lord’s Cube, turning the Pleasure Rangers back to normal.
Liu Bei: Gwakaka, I cannot be defeated!
Liu Bei stabs Zhuge Jin.
(Zhuge Jin: NOOOOOOOOO!!! I never even got to sleep with Lu Xun!)
Liu Bei: Frozen Breath!
Ling Tong is hit by the blast. Gan Ning takes him out of harm’s way, but he dies of the cold.
Lu Meng: It’s just as Zhang Liao said- these frigid blasts are counteracting our Pleasure powers!
Using his searchlights, the Liu Bei dragon tracks down the remaining Pleasure Rangers.
Liu Bei: Take this! Frozen power of flashbacks!
Lu Meng is transfixed by a vision of Taishi Ci and gets frozen in a block of ice. Now only Gan Ning is left. He shoots an arrow to warn Lu Xun.
Gan Ning: It doesn’t matter if I die, because Zhou Yu is waiting for me in heaven!
The Liu Bei dragon heads for the capital and starts firing lasers and ice blasts at it. Lu Xun and Sun Quan take refuge in the basement whilst everyone else gets killed.
Lu Xun: What’s happening? I didn’t think this was going to be ‘everybody dies’ series!
After an hour or so they emerge to a world of frozen figures. Lu Xun spots his fellow Pleasure Rangers, now encased in ice.
Lu Xun: Angst Mode! The loss of my friends has left me in despair!
To be continued…
