Zhuge Liang talks to the Lord’s Cube.
Zhuge Liang: Lord’s Cube, please tell me the name of the one worthy to see my might weapon- is it Lu Xun or Liu Bei?
Meanwhile, the Liu Bei dragon attacks Lu Xun and Sun Quan.
Liu Bei: Die, and let me become the main character! All Iever wanted was love and peace- that’s why I’ve just wiped out half of China with my mighty dragon!
Lu Xun: Wait- I’m sure we can work things out!
Liu Bei: Never! Give me back my precious flowers! Frozen Breath!
Liu Bei starts freezing Lu Xun, which takes much longer than usual due to the latter’s main character status.
Lu Xun: Counter! Intense and Inexplicable HARD GAY Destined Powers!
Lu Xun draws his sword, flooding the area with a HARD GAY aura.
Lu Xun: By the power of HARD GAY, I will restore this world to the way it should be!
Liu Bei: Why bother? This world will only fall into corruption and chaos- better to destroy it than to carry on!
Lu Xun: Listen to yourself- that’s final boss talk!
Liu Bei: Well, what do you expect- I am the final boss! And unless I’m very much mistaken, you don’t even have any other party members with which to face me!
As Zhuge Liang watches from his magic CCTV, Lu Xun is knocked down by Liu Bei’s freezing breath.
Sun Quan: No! The main character can’t die in the penultimate episode!
Lu Xun is trapped in the featureless blackness again, assailed by flashbacks.
Lu Xun: ZETSUBOU SHITA! Someone help me, I’m in despair!
Liu Bei causes a rain of petals to fall.
Liu Bei: Everything’s just so depressing, isn’t it? I mean, look at this place- some idiot’s gone and turned the whole thing to ice. And then there’s you, Sun Quan- you don’t even have a Sword! I wish I had been brave enough to have the operation like you did.
(Sun Quan: Why does everyone keep thinking I’m really a woman?)
The Liu Bei dragon blows freezing wind at Sun Quan, causing Lu Xun to stir.
Liu Bei: What do you think of my petals, Lu Xun? I’ve always thought that when you want to kill someone, you should say it with flowers!
Sun Quan: Don’t listen to him! You are the main character! You must inevitably triumph!
Liu Bei: Shut up! I should be the main character!
Sun Quan starts glowing with HARD GAY energy. The Liu Bei dragon knocks him down with an especially powerful blast, although moments later he appears to be standing again with only minimal damage to his clothing.
Lu Xun: Damn you! Activate Pleasure Powers- Ranger Red!
Liu Bei: Frozen Blast!
Lu Xun: Flaming Passion! Melt the ice and magically restore the land!
Somehow the land is thawed and all greenery emerges unharmed.
Lu Xun: Cut scene power! Finishing blow!
Lu Xun sends off a wave of crimson energy that vaporises the Liu Bei dragon. Liu Bei’s naked body falls to the ground.
Liu Bei: Hmm, I appear to have the chest of a man- perhaps the question of my gender can finally be laid to rest.
(Lu Xun: Not until we take that blanket off your lower half, methinks.)
Lu Xun hands Liu Bei a pair of magical orbs containing the faces of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.
Liu Bei: These are- the limited edition Dynasty Warriors collectable paperweights! You must have bought them from eBay- and after everything I did to you.
Lu Xun: What, freezing my friends and destroying my country? Why, that’s hardly worth mentioning- and besides, how can anyone take that haircut of yours seriously?
After watching this scene from afar, Zhuge Liang makes the sky turn dark before appearing as a giant projection of himself.
Liu Bei: Well, it looks like I didn’t even qualify as the final boss, let alone make it all the way to main character.
Liu Bei dies.
Lu Xun: Not again! I’m in despair!
Lu Xun is enveloped in blue HARD GAY energy.
Lu Xun: Power up to Ranger Sapphire!
Zhuge Liang: I am the final boss! Summon Meteor!
Fiery meteors rain down upon the land. Meanwhile, the newly thawed Pleasure Rangers power up.
Lu Xun: Everyone’s alive! It’s time for the final battle!
To be continued…
