Tuesday Rumble: May 13th

Anime Blog Awards, go vote for Azure Flame, let me know if my posting sexy pictures of myself will increase readership, yadda, yadda, yadda…

Spice and Wolf the game

Missing Spice and Wolf? Then why not imagine what it might be like if the series had its own video game? You’ll take on the role of either Horo or Lawrence as the pair of you travel across the country trading various goods. Collect data on the best places to buy and sell different commodities and slowly build up your fortune. Spend the money on buying shops, recruiting subordinates or just unlocking extras like costumes for the world’s shapeliest wolf girl. The possibilities are endless!

Also available are several mini-games, including the chance to play as Nora and guide sheep and travellers through the wilderness, and a ‘wolf-Horo’ mode where you can fight real time battles against other wolves.

*NEW* Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei: the lost chapters

We were in so much despair over the ending of Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei that we did the only thing we could- we brought everyone’s favourite despairing teacher over to Azure Flame to continue his bleak outlook on the world. So, over to you, Itoshiki-sensei!

Sensei: Doesn’t it ever get to you how people are always getting ahead of themselves?

• Deciding on a wedding ring while you’re still single.
• Buying textbooks for a course before you apply.
• Picking a name for your website before you sort out hosting.
• Spending your inheritance while your rich aunt is still alive.
• Killing husband before taking out a life insurance policy on him.
• Planning the décor before you buy a house.
• Drafting a letter of resignation before you even get the job.

Kafka: Yes, but isn’t it good to have everything prepared just in case?

Sensei: Zetsubou shita! The society that doesn’t plan properly has left me in despair!

Amatsuki 2-3

“…through the traditional method of HARD GAY!”

“Hands off my Ezo!”

“Does he prefer S…or M?”

“Will you go out with me?”

*NEW* The Jintarou Kyle Show

Welcome to a brand new feature, in which our chat show host, Jintarou Kyle, gets to the bottom of the problems that are tearing anime families apart!

Kyle: Hello and welcome to the Jintarou Kyle show; I’m your host, Jinatarou Kyle. This week, we investigate an increasingly common phenomenon in anime- children who left to live at home without their parents. First on the show we have Tenma and Yakumo from School Rumble. So, Yakumo, am I to understand that you have to look after yourself and your sister?

Yakumo: Yes, that’s right. I do all the cooking and cleaning.

Tenma: Wait a minute- I help!

Yakumo: Nee-san, it’s best if you don’t help.

Kyle: And when was the last time you saw your parents?

Tenma: When we were in elementary school- since then we’ve been living on our own.

Kyle: And is it true that you have to sell your bodies just to afford to pay the bills and keep living in the family home?

Yakumo bursts into tears.

Yakumo: I didn’t want to tell anyone about it, but there was no other way!

Kyle: Well, we have a surprise for you today- your parents are here at the show. Come on out Mr and Mrs Tsukamoto!

The parents emerge to boos from the audience.

Kyle: As we all know, there are two sides to every story, but I think you’ve got a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Why did you leave your two daughters to fend for themselves?

Father: Oh I don’t know- everyone does it.

Kyle: “Everyone does it”. Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it- the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard. With all due respect, sir- and if you don’t mind my saying, that’s very little- what you need to do is get off your backside and take responsibility for your kids!

The audience cheers.

Kyle: Next up on the show, I’ll be talking to the Minami sisters. Ever since their parents vanished, older sister Haruka has had to single-handedly look after her two younger siblings Kana and Chiaki. We’ll be hearing more of her incredible story right after this.

To be continued…

This Week in Anime

Melons!

Aagh, everyone’s turned black and faceless!

“This magic CCTV is sufficient.”

I know this is live action, but who could resist screencapping a car driving through a pile of lemons?

The watermelon overlord plots revenge for all those of his kind who have been smashed open.

“These lemons look as if they’ve been run over by a car.”

Careful, now- apples are the Devil’s Fruit (and not in a One Piece sense).

Here we see strawberries in captivity.

“Yay, giant Purples!”

Okay, I definitely don’t want to eat this…

“Now we take a close up of strawberries in order to observe their social habits.”

Eggplants make a stand for more screentime.

Even Neo Venezia isn’t safe from the fruit.

“Care to try some mushrooms? A man from Sunrise Studio sold them to me.”

“This is just getting ridiculous now.”

“How can you say that? Fruit and anime go hand in hand!”

Okay, so maybe there are reasons why you wouldn’t want to go dancing…

HARD GAY corner: Star Ocean 3

After being stranded alone on an alien planet, Fayt Leingod was more than pleased to be rescued by the muscular arms of Cliff Fittir, who taught him the ways of being a real man. Even so, over time, Cliff was no longer enough, and so on the planet Elicoor II, Fayt began plotting how to recruit more lovers. Despite the interference of women, Fayt was able to catch the eyes of the manly Adray and the bishie Albel- even going so far as to permanently recruit Albel into his party by means of a late night encounter in Peterny Inn. Indeed, with his ‘Blade of Fury’ and his ‘Blazing Sword’, there were few who could match Fayt in the bedroom, but it was his raging libido that gave him the strength to save the universe.

Mini-rant: 50Hz is so damn slow!

It’s time for a bit of a gaming rant this week, as I go into one about the disadvantages of being in the gaming backwater that is the UK. Being the cheapskate that I am, I usually forego importing games in favour of picking up a cheap PAL copy, and all too often, the conversion from NTSC leaves much to be desired. I should be happy, then, that more and more games are offering a 60Hz mode, but it makes going back to 50Hz all that much more difficult.

The biggest offender is- and always has been- Square Enix (or just plain Square back in the old days), who seem to delight in creating poor conversions that make the 50Hz player feel like they’re gaming in some kind of treacle-filled universe. Even the real-time battle system of Star Ocean 3 feels a bit slow under these conditions (especially as I played SO2 at about 100 frames per second in parts), whilst turn-based RPGs like FFIX sometimes seem slow enough that you could do a bit of light reading between turns. Isn’t bad enough that we have to wait so long for games without having to put up with this?

Harem of the week: Okazaki Tomoya (Clannad)

He may not have got any ero-scenes, but Tomoya was still granted plenty of opportunities to add to his harem, as befits a Key lead.

Harem

Nagisa: The main girl and ultimate winner in the after story, her determination belies her weak constitution.

Kyou: The tsundere, and manga’s favourite.

Ryou: Kyou’s sister, the quieter and more amiable one.

Tomoyo: Aspiring school president, she tries to hide her immense strength.

Fuuko: Obligatory loli ghost/projection of a girl in a coma.

Kotomi: Genius girl with a tragic past.

Rivals

Akio: Nagisa’s father, very protective of his daughter.

Sunohara: A friend and almost harem member despite being male, but nonetheless has his designs on the girls in the non-HARD GAY scenario.