Where other series have fallen by the wayside, I can’t help but keep watching Ginga Densetsu Weed; not because it’s particularly good, nor even for the novelty of featuring dogs as the main characters, but because it is perfect material to parody. And so, starting today, I’ll be posting my episode-by-episode parody guide as to the events of this little-known series.
In the beginning, there were dogs, and they spoke without much mouth movement because that’s easier to animate. The 1337 leader dog fought bears and such with his physically improbable spinning attack, yet still had time to get his girlfriend pregnant. Anyway, most of this is unimportant because now we’re going to flash forward six months, to a point where supporting character GB is trying to catch birds. Unfortunately his ‘perfect hunt’ is messed up by our main character, as yet nameless, and he only gets one bird, which our lead tries to steal.
GB: Get off, that’s my bird!
Lead: You don’t understand, my mother is sick and this one paltry bird could make all the difference in curing her.
GB: You idiot, mothers always die in anime- you may as well give up now.
Lead: Please, I need that bird.
GB: Oh, okay, I might as well build up audience sympathy by giving it to you.
Unfortunately, GB’s ‘boss’ Nero isn’t too happy about missing out on bird for dinner, and sends GB to steal some ducks from the humans.
Cut to the duck pond. GB is reluctant to take on the nearby guard dog, at least until his friend Sasuke arrives.
Sasuke: Hey, why haven’t you got the ducks yet? Nero is waiting.
GB: I was just waiting for you to show up so I could use you as bait to distract the guard dog- I mean, come on my good friend, let’s go!
As suggested by the above line, GB lets his friend get attacked by the guard dog whilst he heads off with a duck, at least until the main character shows up.
Lead: You can’t just leave a friend! The audience will hate you!
GB: You’re right, let’s go back.
The three dogs take on the guard dog, but to little avail, at least until the lead unleashes a spinning attack not unlike (i.e. identical to) that of the leader. Even that only serves to get the guard dog more enraged.
Guard dog: I’ll kill you all and end this series on episode one, TV schedules be damned!
Conveniently, the leader’s former lieutenant, Smith, arrives at this point.
Guard: …on second thought, maybe not.
Smith: That kid looks very similar to our old leader and even uses the same attack as him…I wonder if they’re related.
Lead: Would it help if I mentioned my mother’s name was Sakura?
Smith: Amazing, you really must be his son! It’s funny though, dogs usually have more than one puppy at a time; don’t you have any siblings?
Lead: That would just confuse the storyline, so no.
Everyone heads back to the lead’s home, where his mother dies.
Smith: Right, now that that’s over with, let’s go find your father in Paradise.
Lead: Yay, father!
GB: Paradise- what is this, Wolf’s Rain? Anyway, I’ve decided to suddenly stop being a coward so I’ll go with you.
Sasuke: I’m going to come along and find my owner, if the writers don’t forget about me.
Smith: That’s settled, then- now to give this kid a name, since his mother never bothered. Kid, from now on your name is Weed.
Smith: Because they already decided to call the series Ginga Densetsu Weed! Do you think Ginga Densetsu Narumi sounds better?
Weed: Well, actually…
Smith: Come on, let’s go.