Tuesday Rumble: September 12th

The Weekly Round-Up is an example of an efficient weekly feature- I add to it during the week and then it’s ready to be posted on Friday morning (GMT). Tuesday Rumble, however, is quite the opposite, written on Tuesday afternoon for posting on Tuesday evening. Next week, however, I promise to be more efficient- I might even write it as early as Tuesday morning.

Anyway, on with the show…

Mini-Bites

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Flogging the ground where the corpse of the horse has long since rotted away
Scant months ago, it seemed that the milking of the Eva franchise had peaked with the tenth anniversary boxset and Angelic Days manga, but as it turned out, these were just prequels to the latest project, a series of no fewer than four new movies. Such news is surely made for Tuesday Rumble’s benefit, and so I present my very own guide to making money with Eva:

• Produce several new 26 episode TV series from the perspectives of the different characters, such “Rei’s side”, “Asuka’s side”, “Toji’s side” and “Maya Ibuki’s side”. Release these series on DVD at an episode count of one episode per disc.
• Re-release each DVD in Gold, Platinum, Titanium and Iridium versions. Include new covers, extras and t-shirts to make fans feel that they will miss out if they don’t purchase the latest version.
• Release a comprehensive series of 1/6 and 1/8 Rei Ayanami figures in various outfits, including such variants as “Rei in white dress”, “Rei in magnolia dress” and “Rei in cream dress”. Also release a lesser number of Asuka figures.
• Create 52 new remixes of Fly Me to the Moon and release each one on its own single.
• Use the footage from the new TV series to create a range of compilation movies. Add in two minutes of new footage so that all promotional material can read “now with new material not seen on TV!”.
• Create manga equivalents of each new TV series, and also branch out into light novels. Increase the retail price over that of the average volume to account for high quality paper, colour pages and fancy covers.
• Sit back and watch the money roll in. Place a down payment on that tropical island you always wanted to retire to.
• Addendum- only for use by qualified ADV personnel: Pour money into a black hole entitled “Evangelion live action movie” and use it as an excuse to license second-rate anime and completely make a mess of your manga division.

Loli & Clover- what happened to former “best thing ever”?
Last night, I watched the tenth episode of Honey and Clover II. Eight minutes in, I was disappointed, but decided to myself that such an excellent series didn’t really deserve a rant. By the end of the episode, however, my outlook had changed- a rant was definitely on the cards. In due time, I will create such a rant, but in the meantime, what better place than Tuesday Rumble to air its predecessor, the “Loli and Clover” game?

Aim of the game: Your goal is simple- to attain the object of your heart’s desire through means either fair or foul. You can indulge in text-based dialogues in the style of a regular dating sim, or simply dispense with the chatter and face your opponents in a one-on-one beat-‘em-up situation. In the basic game, there are two main story modes- the titular “Loli and Clover”, in which Morita, Takemoto and Shuu battle for Hagu’s love, and “Possession”, which covers the Rika-Mayama-Yamada-Nomiya tangle. Expansion packs include Miwako X Yamazaki and a pointless visual novel arc for Kaoru.

Mayama demonstrates some of the tactics available in the fighting section of the game.

Weekly Awards

Flawed yet Addictive- Obsession Phase of the Week: In the olden days that most people will know as ‘2005- early 2006’, I held an unashamed love for the .hack franchise. I listened to the OSTs several times a day, I avidly watched SIGN, and spent over 120 hours on the game racing grunties and finishing the item completion quest (admittedly, I was hoping the reward for my efforts would be nothing less than a real grunty, hand-delivered from Bandai’s offices). Unfortunately, .hack later shot itself in the foot by overloading the audience with an excess of content in its ‘r2’ generation, making it little better than parody fodder and earning it only the runner-up prize.

That leaves only one candidate for the winner’s spot, and anyone who has read this will know that the prize must go to Utawarerumono. Neither the anime, game or doujin game are perfect, but put all three together and suddenly an addictive franchise filled with endless possibilities is born. Of late, I’ve even been repeatedly listening to the game OST, and I don’t even like the game music all that much.

Most Unashamed use of Flashbacks: Shounen Jump series are infamous for their use of flashbacks to remind us what happened last episode, or how hero X previously beat villain Y, but none of them can hold a candle to the ultimate in flashback technology, better known as Gundam SEED and its sequels. Whilst clip shows were far from rare in the series, SEED showed us its true genius by integrating reused footage whenever it thought it could get away with it. Introspection, moments of angst, reunions- all of these could be clarified through flashback, and better yet, they could be used multiple times to account for the perspective of every single character.

Miguel, you died at the beginning of SEED, but through the magic of flashback, you shall never be forgotten.

Cheesy J-Pop Theme of the Week: Utawarerumono returns to the top with its addictive OP and ED (Musou Uta and Madoromi no Rinne), but Haruka, Kimi no Moto e (Haruka 8 ) and Show Time! (Burn Up Excess) earn brief mentions as well.

OST gem of the week: Completing the Utaware triple crown is none other than the game’s opening theme, A Song Given Voice, with Kodoku na Kokoro (Rozen Maiden) taking second place.

Most ridiculously out-of-place TV version censor: It’s difficult to pick a winner here, so for this week we have a three-way tie between Air Gear’s crows, Gun X Sword’s donkeys, and the ever present police tape of Chokotto Sister.

New Feature: Amusing Search Engine terms
There are often times when you wonder how a particular search term led to your blog, or even why someone out there was searching for it in the first place. Now, courtesy of Tuesday Rumble and the WordPress Blog Stats page, some of the most hilarious, bizarre and downright terrifying search terms of the last 7 days can be brought to light.

The hilariously misdirected: “becoming a backing singer in the music industry”, “gay hacker blog”, “Cat on acid+movie”, “20 % pain 20 %pleasure”, “the root of ignominious”

The confusing: “hack audition”, “you toube”, “you Episode move”

The terrifying: “swiss grandpa pr0n”

Extra: Utawarriors Story Mode suggestions
As promised last week, here are the aims of each individual character’s Story Mode.

Orikakan: Fight to restore your place among the elves of Rivendell.

Niwe: Search for the one man able to stand up to you in bed.

Sasante: Undergo an extensive workout to become slim and trim.

Nuwangi: Save up for that operation you’ve always been promising yourself.

Touka: Choose between supporting Orikakan or Hakuoro’s harems.

Hakuoro: Build the ultimate harem and defeat the forces of HARD GAY.

Aruruu: Breed an unstoppable army of Mukkurus.

Eruruu: Kill off rival harem members whilst searching for the perfect blend of tea.

Dorii: Convince dissenters that you are, in fact, male.

Oboro: Battle Kurou for Benawi’s affections.

Teoro: Attempt to avoid the second worst death scene ever.

Guraa: See Dorii.

Derihourai: Defeat Suonkasu and Hakuoro and secure Karura for your own harem.

Genjimaru: Set up an Avu Kamuu tactical training centre.

Kuuya: No fixed objective- it changes every stage.

Benawi: Build a HARD GAY harem.

Karura: Choose between Suonkasu, Derihourai and Hakuoro’s harems.

Kamyu: Evade Munto and befriend as many harem members as possible.

Urotorii: Set up a HARD YURI harem.

Kurou: Earn Benawi’s love by participating in the regional thumb wars.

Suonkasu: Become a flower baron and win Karura’s heart.

Mutsumi: Create a HARD YURI world.

Dii: Create a HARD GAY world.

Kanhorudari: Rejoin the Brotherhood of Mutants as Sabretooth.

Yuzuha: Become first wife in Hakuoro’s harem.

Hien: Rejoin the cast of Sakura Taisen as Ohgami.

Hau: Arrange for a sex change and enrol in a convent.

Even more playable characters

Tamua: Deri’s treacherous underling wields a whip-sword. For his normal attacks, he uses it in sword mode, but it changes to a whip for his special.

Inofushi,Elron+Nicol: When playing as Niwe’s three generals, you start off by controlling only one of them (all are swordsmen), but can summon the other two using special attacks.