Harukanaru Toki no Naka De parody episode 13


Akram and Akane are in the field of flowers.

Akram: Priestess, from now on you shall live here in this garden of finest flowers- grown by Suonkasu himself.

Back at the glowing red portal, Tenma and Yorihisa are arguing.

Yorihisa: This portal seemingly disappeared last episode when you tried to go through it, but that seems to have been replaced with a scene of us arguing about going through it.

Tenma: You think too much! For some reason, the portal is conveniently open again, so let’s go after Akane.

Tenma and Yorihisa are sucked through the portal, without any need for a giant horse to appear.

Eisen and Tomomasa report to the emperor.

Emperor: I wish I could do something, but without even a name, I am powerless. Tomomasa, use your Bishie Power and rescue the Ryuujin no Miko.

Shimon prepares to go after Akane.

Fuji: Where are you going, Shimon? Can you possibly hope to be useful?

Shimon: Even though I cannot fight, my presence on the sidelines may be crucial.

At the bridge where the red portal appeared, Yasuaki awaits. Tomoma and his generics approach.

Yasuaki: Ah good, I was just standing here waiting to open a portal for anyone who needed it.

Takamichi arriving carrying a bow and a quiver full of arrows.

Takamichi: Although I have never showed any previous evidence of this, at convenient points in the plot, I have some battle ability. Please take me along.

(Tomomasa: Your ‘firing’ has always been most accurate in the bedroom, so you may as well come along.)

Yasuaki opens the way, and the three Hachiyou step into the newly reopened red portal. Unfortunately, the generics cannot pass through.

Generic: Without names or unique character designs, we are powerless!

In the darkness, Tenma runs around, searching for Akane.

Tenma: Damn, why isn’t randomly running around accomplishing anything? What else could I possibly do?

Tenma punches the ground a few times.

Back at the bridge, Eisen arrives.

Eisen: Convenient Plot Powers, since Yasuaki isn’t here, open a way to the Priestess for me.

The red portal opens yet again.

Akane sees a vision of a demon village burning and its generic blonde inhabitants running around in fear. Finally she awakens in the garden of flowers. From an unknown location, Akram’s voice is heard.

Akane: Okay, I’m here! Now give Ran back!

Akram: Are you honestly so stupid as to think it would be that simple? You will have to wander around and find her yourself.

Akane: Okay then, I’ll do that. I’m sure my main character powers will guide me.

Akane walks across a previously unnoticed bridge and enters a darkened house. Carvings of the Ryuujin and the Four Gods are on the wall. Outside, Akram can somehow see what she is doing.

Akram: My grand design may look flawed and nonsensical, but that is simply because no one else has the intellectual capacity to understand it.

Tenma is still depressed and unmoving when a vision of Akane appears before him. He moves towards it, but it fades, and he encounters only Yorihisa.

Tenma: Yorihisa! Where are we, and why were we separated in the first place?

Yorihisa: This world makes no sense, but let’s keep going and hope for the best.

Meanwhile, Shimon and Inori arrive at the bridge. Inori is carrying a sword.

Inori: Shimon, what are you doing here?

Shimon: Well, uh, you never know, I might be useful somehow…

Inori: Well, I guess you’d better come along for completeness. Now, if I randomly swing my sword like this, the red portal will conveniently open up for us too.

Shimon: Can we really lay claim to any kind of credible plot after this?

Inori: Who cares? Come on, let’s go.

Inori and Shimon pass through the red portal. Somehow, all the Hachiyou end up together in a darkened building, separated from Akane by a wall.

Tomomasa: Well, this is extremely convenient.

On Akane’s side, Ran appears, followed by Akram.

Akram: Since I am a villain, I suppose it is my duty to explain my plans at this point. You see, many years, I called Ran here to become the Ryuujin no Miko, but because she wasn’t the main character, she couldn’t call the dragon. I was so ashamed by my blatantly stupid miscalculation that I just left her in this dark and unpleasant room, until she got so depressed that she summoned the previously unmentioned black dragon of evil and destruction. Of course, when that happens, you become an unthinking tool of evil, without memories of humanity- you don’t even get gems and bishies.

Akane: You fiend!

Akram: Now really, the only problem I have is indecision. You see, some days I think that I should kill you and have Ran replace you – assuming that could even work- but other days, I just want to use you both. Especially you, Akane, for I had the power of the Ryuujin and the Four Gods before you can, and now I can gradually give it all away and enable you to defeat me!

From the other side of the wall, the Hachiyou can see everything, but are unable to interfere.

Akram: Just sit and watch, Hachiyou. See how incredibly powerful I am.

Akane: Powerful? You’re just evil and incompetent!

Akram: How dare you call me incompetent!? You are simply too stupid to understand what I am trying to achieve.

(Akram: Come to think of it, my motives and actions really don’t make any sense. Oh well, it’s too late to stop now.)

Tomomasa: Since we’ve all conveniently been grouped together here with full knowledge of what’s happening, let’s use our combined abilities to save the day.

Yasuaki opens a way through the wall, whilst Tenma equips Inori’s sword. It’s almost too convenient!

Akram: Akane, a few episodes ago I had mind control powers which I could have used on you, but since the writers have forgotten about those, I must just try to persuade you that giving me the power of the dragon is a good thing.

As Akram tries to persuade Akane by grabbing her arm, Yorihisa, Tomomasa and Takamichi appear. Somehow, they have all equipped bows, and they each fire an arrow at Akram.

(Akane: Oh no! How could they possibly want to hurt Akram?)

In fact, Akram has deftly caught the arrows.

Akram: Once again, cower in fear at my superior abilities! I could easily defeat you, but instead, I will stand back and let Ran do it.

Ran awakens.

Ran: I will be the mid-boss for this level….no, actually, I don’t want to do this!

Akane throws the fragment of Akram’s mask at him before grabbing Ran.

Akane: I am the main character, Akram, and I shall summon some convenient plot powers!

Yellow light and swirling winds surround Akane and Ran. A gem appears and embeds itself in Tomomasa’s chest.

(Tomomasa: At long last, I have my gem! It only took half the series!)

Akram: Amazing. You suppressed the power of the Black Dragon whilst I stood here and did nothing.

Akane: Why can’t you just stop being evil?

Akram: Stop? What an outlandish idea!

Takamichi suddenly fires an arrow at Akram. He easily stops it, but is unable to dodge a sword strike from Tenma. Blood runs down Akram’s arm.

Akram: How…how could you? You could have ruined my bishie good looks!

Tenma: Although no one ever thought to use this before, this is a special anti-demon sword! And I am going to use it to show you that Akane and Ran are mine!

Akram: Hmm, I have no comeback for that, so I will just laugh and change the subject! You may have gathered all the Hachiyou, but I still have the Four Gods! Your next task will be to steal their power from me- but first, I will randomly use them to spread evil!

The four gods appear and spread evil over Kyou.

Akram: I wonder why I didn’t do this sooner. Oh well.

Akane: You can’t do this! I must summon more of these convenient plot powers!

Everyone’s gems start glowing, and the white dragon of good descends.

Akram: Damn. I’d better teleport the four gods back here.

The four gods disappear.

Tomomasa: Well, we seem to have wrapped this arc up, so we’ll be going now. We could kill you, since you are weakened and we still have the demon-slaying sword, but that wouldn’t be sporting.

Akram: Gwakaka! You won’t be able to defeat me for thirteen more episodes! Now behold my stunning teleportation powers!

Akram teleports away. Everyone somehow returns to Kyou.

Eisen: So, you were one of the Hachiyou after all, Tomomasa? Who would have guessed it?

(Tomomasa: Only the entire audience.)

Ran: Onii-chan!

(Tenma: At last she remembers me! Harem building begins today.)

To be continued…

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