Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 2


Through the power of recap, d’Eon is once again seen finding Bernice and transforming into Lia.

Bernice: Now that you’ve had ample time to transform into a woman and say your piece, I will stop standing around and start attacking!

Bernice attacks, but is no match for Lia.

Lia: A one shot character like you cannot possibly harm the lead.

Lia finishes Bernice before transforming back into d’Eon.

(D’Eon: So I cannot remain a woman for long. Perhaps it is for the best; this way I can enjoy the best of both worlds.)

D’Eon notices Bernice’s corpse.

D’Eon: Oh no, I must have killed him in the excitement of finally becoming a woman- now my last HARD GAY comrade is gone!

D’Eon is returned to Versailles. Anna visits him as he rests in bed.

Anna: D’Eon, did you tire yourself out with HARD GAY again? If only you would just settle down with me.

After indulging in some budget-conserving flashbacks, d’Eon awakens. Anna has long since fallen asleep. D’Eon leaves, and Anna wakes up and follows him.

D’Eon: I’m sorry, Anna, but I can’t risk the possibility of the plot moving on without me. I must go back to Paris.

Anna: But D’Eon, if you keep leaving me behind, I won’t get any screen time!

D’Eon: Anna, I’ve lost everything- siscon, HARD GAY…well, I suppose I still have you as backup.

D’Eon rides out to Paris. Robin follows him.

D’Eon: Why are you following me?

Robin: I’m an important OP character too- you can’t just leave me behind.

D’Eon: I hope you’re not one of those useless sidekicks who always needs rescuing.

Robin: Don’t worry about me- I have my own ‘pistol’.

(D’Eon: He’s a bit young, but I guess he does have a ‘weapon’.)

D’Eon and Robin stop in a café.

Robin: What will you do next?

D’Eon: That’s none of your concern.

Robin: Since you’re the main character, your actions are everyone’s concern.

Some generic police enter the café and approach d’Eon.

Generic: Are you d’Eon du Beaumont?

D’Eon: Of course I am; that’s why my character design is more detailed than the other people here.

Generic: You stand accused of thrusting your ‘sword’ into a HARD GAY colleague. Please come with us.

The generics start to drag d’Eon away, but he notices that they are branded with the “HO” marks that were on Bernice.

D’Eon: They are clearly marked as evil fakes! I can attack them without compromising my morals!

D’Eon equips his ‘sword’ and starts attacking the fake police. Unfortunately, reinforcements arrive.

Robin: We can’t possible fight this many with just two party members!

Fortunately, a man at the bar, Durand, draws his ‘sword’.

Durand: I am Durand, your third party member! Since this is a cutscene event, I can defeat many men!

Durand fights off the generics before all three men run away and escape out of a second floor window.

Generic: They escaped over the rooftops! Everyone, randomly run around until we find them!

Durand: Come on, I know a safe place where we can hide and enjoy some HARD GAY.

Durand starts to lead the way.

D’Eon: Robin, let’s whisper loudly about whether or not we trust Durand, whilst he stands and waits for us.

Robin: I think we should trust him, or we won’t be able to move beyond this point in the story.

Meanwhile, the Duke of Orleans confers with Count Saint-Germain.

Orleans: For some reason, my magic CCTV has yet to be delivered, so I will need you to report to me.

Saint-Germain: The main character is causing us some problems.

Orleans: In that case, we must ineffectually attempt to kill him.

Saint-Germain: I’ll send an underling at once.

Saint-Germain dispatches underling Callon.

Elsewhere, d’Eon angsts over Bernice’s death.

Robin: If we’re going to be fighting more of those undead, we need to give them a name. How about Gargoyles?

D’Eon: I…I thought turning into a woman would let me experience new things, but it’s all backfired on me since I can’t even remember what happens when ‘Lia’ takes over.

Durand enters.

Durand: In preparation for this series, Lia recruited me before she died. I will now permanently become your third party member. Now, let’s go outside and make ourselves conspicuous so that we can trigger an action scene.

D’Eon, Robin and Durand go outside and hold a loud funeral procession for Bernice. Robin notices some prostitutes and wrinkles his face in distaste.

Durand: Robin, you are still young, but in a few more years you will understand that not all men are satisfied with just HARD GAY.

D’Eon: This isn’t working fast enough. Let’s call out the name of the evil Russian and see what happens.

After calling out the name a few times, a man appears. The party draws their ‘swords’ as the man- Teillagory- steps forward.

Teillagory: I am not your enemy, but rather your fourth party member, the older man. Now the hero party is complete.

Durand: An old man like you surely cannot have the stamina for HARD GAY.

Teillagory: My old antique is still in perfect working order.

Durand: In that case, I’d like to cross swords with you.

Teiilagory and Durand draw their ‘swords’ and duel.

Durand: I take it back, old man. You are certainly experienced.

Teillagory: You have HARD GAY potential too. Okay then, I will officially join your party so that we can be the Four Musketeers.

Durand: It’s laughably cheesy, but let’s go with that title.

Generic groaning is heard, and some zombie women emerge, holding axes.

D’Eon: Oh no, either we’ve started playing House of the Dead, or the forces of HARD YURI are after us!

To be continued.

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