Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 1

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A giant skull-spine monster chases lead Masahiro and his mascot Mokkun.

Masahiro: Wait, you can’t hurt me; the series has barely begun!

Mokkun: That’s right! He may be useless right now, but he is the main character.

Masahiro: Did you have to include the bit about me being useless?

Mokkun: Shut up and start running, useless boy.

Mokkun and Masahiro run away, but are confronted by the monster again.

Mokkun: We’ve just wasted a few minutes running away, so it’s about time you switched on main character destined powers and defeated this thing.

Masahiro: Main Character Powers On! Enemy, stand there whilst I wave my beads and chant!

Masahiro banishes the monster.

Mokkun: Well, I guess you aren’t completely useless after all- and all thanks to my tutelage.

Masahiro: Tutelage? I’m thirteen years old and thus know everything; what could I possibly learn from a talking mascot?

Mokkun: Just you wait; I’m going to prove far more useful than you.

Masahiro: Anyway, let’s use Flashback Mode to explain how met.

One month previously, Masahiro was walking down the road whilst generics talked about him.

Generic: Oh look, isn’t that the main character, Abe no Seimei’s grandson? Let’s talk about him in case any viewers are listening.

Generic 2: We should mention key facts, such as how he doesn’t have the Kenki ability to see spirits and demons, and thus is trying to become a calligrapher.

Generic: I hope that phase doesn’t last, or this will be a boring series.

As Masahiro sits under a tree, Mokkun falls out of it.

Masahiro: A mononoke! Perhaps my destined powers have returned!

Mokkun: Not yet; you can only see me because I am a named character. You’re Abe no Seimei’s grandson, aren’t you?

Masahiro: I hate being called his grandson! He might be a famous mystic who has appeared in many anime series, but I’m the main character here! Tell him to go back to Otogi Zoshi if he wants to be more important.

Mokkun: You seem pretty insecure. I bet you’re one of those useless main characters who aren’t any good at anything, am I right?

Masahiro: Shut up! I’m a late developer, that’s all.

Masahiro goes home, but Mokkun follows him.

Masahiro: What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be able to get past Grandpa’s barrier.

Mokkun: I told you, I’m a named character- the normal rules don’t apply to me.

From that time onwards, Mokkun follows Masahiro everywhere, as a good mascot should. One day, they are walking home when an invisible monster rises up out of the ground.

Masahiro: It’s the monster of the week! I have to fight it!

Mokkun: It’s not yet time for you to fight, Masahiro- you are still at Level Zero.

Masahiro: But I want to fight- I’m the main character!

Mokkun: Oh no, you don’t! Activate Flee command!

Masahiro and Mokkun return home, where Masahiro’s father hands him a letter from Abe no Seimei.

Abe no Seimei: Masahiro, I have heard that you do not want to become an onmyouji. This is of some concern to me, since you are the main character of a series called Shounen Onmyouji, after all. Please try to accept your destiny before the end of the first episode so that we can all get on with the plot. To help you on your way, I have prepared a monster of the week for you to tackle.

Later, Masahiro begins studying in preparation for the exorcism.

Mokkun: Do you really think someone as useless as you can be the main character?

Masahiro: Just you wait and see- I may be useless now, but by the end of the series, I’ll be stronger than anyone!

Mokkun: Even though you’re Level Zero?

Masahiro: I’ll just do what I can, and let the plot take care of the rest. Anyway, you seem pretty confident- how would you like to join the active party?

That night, Masahiro and Mokkun go out to face the monster.

Mokkun: Some main character you are, making a mascot like me join your party.

Masahiro: It’s not that I don’t have the abilities; I just haven’t earned enough AP to use them yet.

The monster starts swimming through the earth in front of Masahiro and Mokkun.

Masahiro: All right! It’s time to…run away!

Masahiro and Mokkun run away, but eventually the monster catches up with them and gets its tongue around Masahiro’s leg.

Mokkun: Masahiro, it’s got your leg! Try to resist!

Masahiro: I hope we can dispense with the budget saving and make it visible soon!

Whilst Masahiro is dragged around by the tongue, Mokkun tries to block the monster.

Mokkun: Masahiro, you need to level up first! Just run away.

Masahiro: I can’t go now- even if I just stay in the party and do nothing I should get some EXP.

Mokkun: Just go! You are too weak!

Masahiro: I won’t! I’m the main character, and I want to surpass everyone else, whilst protecting them with the powers of Friendship, Love and Justice!

As he talks, Masahiro’s destined powers unlock, and the monster becomes visible- it is a Giant Wang.

Mokkun: I had my doubts before, but those are the words of a true main character, one worthy of relying on my superior powers. Call out my true name- Guren, and unlock my true form!

The monster rises up, devouring Mokkun even as Masahiro falls.

Masahiro: I summon Guren to the field!

There is a red flash and the monster catches fire. Masahiro is brought safely to the ground by a red-haired semi-bishie in a dubious costume.

Masahiro: Thank you, mysterious stranger who has nothing to do with Mokkun/Guren. Now I must go and save Mokkun.

Guren: You idiot- I’m Guren. I auditioned for a part in Saiyuki, but I took this role after I was turned down. Now, stand back and let me finish this monster.

Monster: So, you are the named warrior, Touda. Don’t think you can defeat me, an ugly and generic monster of the week!

Guren: Masahiro, I’ll destroy 95% of his HP with my flame attack, then you can get the most EXP by hitting it with your weak finishing blow!

Masahiro: Sounds good to me!

Guren: Inferno Blast!

Masahiro: Finishing Chant!

The monster explodes.

Masahiro: Wow, I did so much just then that I really exhausted myself.

Guren: At leas you earned enough EXP to reach Level One.

Masahiro: That monster just now called you Touda- that’s the name of one of my grandfather’s shikigami.

Guren: He sent me to watch over you- the last thing he wanted was for the main character to die in the first episode.

Masahiro: Suddenly I can remember everything! Grandfather was the one who sealed away my Kenki ability years ago; he said it was only to be used when the TV series began!

As Guren reverts to Mokkun form, a letter from Seimei appears.

Seimei: Well done on clearing the first level, grandson. Good luck with the rest of the game- if you clear it, then I get to retire.

End Extended Flashback Mode. Back in the present, the skull is defeated.

Masahiro: At last I’m beginning to prove myself a worthy main character.

Mokkun: Don’t get cocky, boy. You still haven’t reached Level Two.

To be continued…

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One Response to Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 1

  1. kuchiha says:

    OMG!! This is amazing (@>w

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