Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 3


Mokkun is talking to Masahiro.

Mokkun: Anyway, I was given this huge chunk of dialogue to tie up what happened last episode, so I’ll just read it all out now…hey, are you listening to me?

Masahiro: Hmm? Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise the episode had already started.

At Michinaga’s house, Seimei sets another barrier to replace the one that was broken.

Seimei: Special powers, activate simplistic CG barrier! Princess Akiko, you must equip this special Magatama Necklace in order to raise your Defence stat.

Michinaga: Thank you, Seimei- even though your first barrier was breached, I know that I can always rely on you and your grandson.

Seimei: My grandson isn’t all that great; he’s only Level Two whilst I am Level Ninety-Nine.

Michinaga: He is the main character, however.

(Seimei: It’s not fair- I wanted to be the main character!)

That night, Masahiro is trying to read the stars.

Masahiro: Damn, I just don’t have enough AP to master this skill.

Mokkun: This is a basic low-level ability- I guess you really must be too useless to handle it. You should just give up and talk to Seimei.

Masahiro: I’m the main character; I can’t go crawling to my grandfather every five minutes.

Mokkun: If not for your grandfather, you wouldn’t even have the basic skill-set.

Masahiro: Come to think of it, he probably manipulated me to become an onmyouji just because this series is called “Shounen Onmyouji”! But in that case, why did he seal my Kenki ability?

Mokkun: If he hadn’t, spirits and demons would have come after you, and you might have been killed before the series even began.

Masahiro: I guess that makes sense…although there was that time where I nearly fell into the lake and someone who looked a lot like Guren saved me.

Mokkun: I remember that time like it was yesterday, er, I mean, I definitely wasn’t there.

Masahiro goes inside and gets his fortune telling board out.

Mokkun: You can’t even master the level one ability Star Reading- how are you going to manage fortune telling?

Masahiro: I have to do something, or this episode will just turn out to be completely dull and pointless.

Mokkun: Okay then, why not try to tell the fortune of that evil aura?

Masahiro: Sounds good to me.

(Mokkun: That is, if someone as useless as you can even manage that.)

The next day, Masahiro goes to visit Yukinari, who is supervising the rebuilding of the house that burned down.

Yukinari: Thank you for coming to visit me, Masahiro, so that my uneventful life could have some screen time.

Masahiro: Actually, it wasn’t really my idea- the writers couldn’t come up with many ideas for this episode so we’re just taking it slowly. So far, practically nothing whatsoever has happened.

Yukinari: Oh, well, we’re all waiting for you to advance the plot. Good luck, Masahiro.

That evening, Masahiro contemplates the results of his fortune-telling.

Masahiro: Using my special main character skills, I was able to determine that there is an evil force somewhere in the city. It may be a monster of the week.

Mokkun: Nice going, Masahiro, I’m sure even the viewers could have figured that one out.

Masahiro: Maybe it’s about time something actually happened this episode. Lets go out and talk the minor Pokemon demons- they might know something about all this.

Masahiro and Mokkun go out in search of Pokemon.

Mokkun: So, how exactly are you going these Pokemon to talk to you?

Masahiro: I’m the main character, so I’m sure they’ll open up to me.

Mokkun: Although we have to find them first. There don’t seem to be any around here.

Masahiro stops and turns around.

Masahiro: My plot development sense is tingling…something is about to happen!

A monstrous white ox appears.

Masahiro: It’s the monster of the week!

Mokkun: Masahiro, its level is too high for you! Let’s just use the Flee command!

Masahiro: Don’t interrupt me right now- I’m thinking.

Mokkun: There’s a giant ox monster running straight towards you and you’re taking time out to think? How stupid can you be?

Masahiro: I guess you have a point…let’s run.

Unfortunately, the ox jumps over them, blocking their escape route.

Mokkun: Be careful, Masahiro; this one is an evil monster of the week and thus completely unlike the evil monsters of the week we faced before.

Masahiro: Actually, I think you’ll find it’s exactly the same as the others. Paper Attack!

Unfortunately, Masahiro’s paper seals are burned up.

Mokkun: Guren Mode! Roast Ox!

Mokkun transforms into Guren and sets the ox alight.

Guren: Masahiro, stay back and let me whittle down his HP as per usual. Hyper Throw! Flame Dragons!

Guren continues to attack the ox, but it somehow manages to survive despite the intense flames.

Ox: Hand that main character over to me. My master needs his destined powers in order to further some unspecified evil plans.

Guren: You are too ugly for me to ever cooperate with!

Ox: In that case, Dispel!

The ox dispels the flames.

Ox: In that case, I must hand over my own body, a plan which makes perfect sense. Flee!

The ox vanishes.

Masahiro: Where did it go? I didn’t gain any EXP!

A mysterious white butterfly flies away and heads to Seimei’s house, where it turns into a sphere.

Seimei: Ah good, my new dressphere has arrived. What’s this- another Onmyou class? Why do I always get the same one?

To be continued.

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