Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 6

In Flashback Mode, we see a young Masahiro at a time when Seimei tied him to a tree and abandoned him.

Masahiro: Grandpa, come back- I don’t like this type of special game…

Masahiro wakes up.

Masahiro: Mokkun, I just had a flashback dream about the time Grandpa abandoned me at Kifune Shrine. It all began on the night of…

Mokkun: Yeah, yeah, I’m not really interested. Let’s hurry up and go the Onmyou dorms so that we can advance the plot.

On the way to the dorms, Masahiro and Mokkun spot the Shikigami Seiryu watching them from a rooftop.

(Mokkun: Damn that Seiryu; I’ve hated him ever since he bought the last few items in that clothing sale we both wanted to go to.)

(Seiryu: Damn you, Mokkun, taking on that mascot form just so that you could get the most screentime. I’ll never forgive you!)


Later, as Mashiro completes his duties, he encounters an old onmyou with a bow and arrow (the new weapon of choice for HARD GAY).


Onmyou: Ah, Masahiro, I was just standing here so that you could approach me for exposition. You see, it has been very dry of late, and that means the Mikado may have to pray to the Dragon God at the Kifune shrine.

Masahiro: Kifune? I had a dream about that- do you want me to tell you about it?

Onmyou: Ah no, that’s quite all right.

Masahiro completes his deliveries, but is distracted when Mokkun runs off and ends up overhearing some generics complaining.

Generic 1: That Abe no Seimei is overrated. Generics like us should get more screen time.

Generic 2: Quiet- it’s just because we are random generics that we shouldn’t go against a named character.

(Masahiro: Too right!)

Masahiro scares the generics by blowing a leaf.

Generics: Aagh, a dangerous leaf! Call Seimei at once!

Later, Masahiro is in the archive room when he picks up “My Second Book of Demons”.

Masahiro: Look, here’s Kyuuki, that monster of the week we faced last time. Let’s see how much information we can discover by staring at this line drawing of him.

That night, Masahiro and Mokkun go outside to search for Kyuuki.

Mokkun: Do we really have to do this every night? I’m a fan of screentime and all, but there is a limit.

Masahiro: You don’t understand; if we can defeat Kyuuki, I’ll get enough EXP to make it all the way to Level Five!

A number of minor Pokemon drop down on Masahiro.

Masahiro: Hey, could you be a bit more careful? I am the main character, after all.

Pokemon: We bring plot related information! Kyuuki might be somewhere in the general region!

Masahiro: Yeah, thanks for that. Oh well, Mokkun, let’s go and wander aimlessly again.

Masahiro and Mokkun wander around.

Mokkun: Masahiro, I don’t think we’ll gain any EXP here- the encounter rate is too low.

Masahiro: Have faith, Mokkun; I’m sure the plot will come through for us.

As if on cue, a scream is heard. Masahiro and Mokkun run towards the source of the sound, and encounter Demon Carriage.

Masahiro: All right, time to level up!

The Demon Carriage uses Escape.

Masahiro: Not again…

Mokkun: Looks like the guy he attacked is okay- he’s just unconscious.

Masahiro: Who cares about some random generic- I want my EXP!

Masahiro and Mokkun chase after the Demon Carriage, but cannot seem to catch up with it- at least until it runs into a tree.

Masahiro: That was so convenient I could almost believe we were merely characters in a story.

Mokkun: Uh, we are…

Masahiro: Anyway, let’s kill this carriage and get some EXP! Spirit Bind!

Unable to escape, the carriage starts crying. Mokkun talks to it.


Mokkun: Apparently this carriage didn’t even attack that generic- he was just drunk.

Masahiro: Guess we might as well leave this one- looks like a friendly monster that wouldn’t give us any EXP even if we did exorcise it.

Masahiro lets the carriage go, just as the Pokemon fall on him again.

Pokemon: This time we really do know where Kyuuki is! He just killed another generic!

Masahiro and Mokkun follow the Pokemon, but Kyuuki is gone. Seiryu watches them before returning to Seimei.

Seiryu: Seimei, it should be you and me out there playing the part of main characters. Why are you leaving everything to that Level Two kid?

Seimei: He may be weak now, but he is the main character. Give him time.

Seiryu: I’m loyal only to you, Seimei- I won’t go and be HARD GAY with Touda and the boy.

Seimei: I understand that you may not want to two-time me, but after I’m dead it should be okay.


Seiryu: I would rather go back to my own world than take a new HARD GAY partner in this one.

Tenitsu, Spiky-Red Hair and Pigtails all appear.

Tenitsu: To be honest, Seimei, we can all understand why Seiryu is upset. There are twelve of us, but only Guren is getting any screen time.

Seimei: Well in that case, you can all stand around and listen to my long exposition scene…

(Tenitsu: Not this again.)

Seimei: …and in conclusion, Masahiro is the main character- nothing can change that short of moving to another series.

The shikigami vanish just as Masahiro and Mokkun arrive home.

Seimei: So, what’s the problem, Masahiro? Haven’t been able to get any EXP lately?

Masahiro: That’s right.

Seimei: Ah well, you’re the main character, aren’t you? I’m sure you can manage without the help of me and my Level 99 team. Oh, and by the way, no using leaves to scare generics.

Masahiro: Whatever.

Masahiro goes to his room.

Seimei: Guren, I hope you can forgive Seiryu for wanting a bit more screen time.

Mokkun: It’s okay- besides, I know that it’s my fault due to some a past incident included to give my character depth; an incident that I shall briefly revisit in Flashback Mode.

A short flashback shows that Guren once tried to kill Seimei, before Mokkun goes to Masahiro’s room.

Masahiro: Mokkun, are you all right? I don’t want you to get ill, because there’s no way I can defeat a monster of the week by myself.

Meanwhile, in the forest, Kyuuki is talking to underlings and using the Record & Playback function on his magic CCTV.


Kyuuki: I must restore myself through the sacrifice of others, but sacrificing my own underlings is not nearly evil enough for me; instead, I must target named female character Akiko! Gwakakakakaka!

To be continued…

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