Pumpkin Scissors parody 1

Lieutenant Alice Malvin, a woman with a penchant for using a ‘sword’, and Randel Oland, a man with mysterious powers of HARD GAY- two main characters who were destined to meet by virtue of being in the same series. Could this be the start of a great adventure?

The first rule of military school- always grasp your opponent’s ‘weapon’ by hand.

Sometimes it can be difficult to attain HARDNESS.

Even if your weapon is small, you shouldn’t neglect it.

Take pride in your ‘sword’, no matter what size it is.

But remember, for anything other than Hyper Self Pleasure, it takes two.

Meet Alice, a woman with a ‘sword’.

Remember boys- eat your greens and women will literally fall into your arms.

Grauwolf loves showing off his arsenal.

His generic underlings are eager for some HARD GAY.

“A tank is no match for my sword!”

“Damn you! We’ll be back!”

“How can they call themselves a HARD GAY tank troop when they’re only firing blanks?”

“Normal people shouldn’t get involved in complex HARD GAY affairs.”

“Sorry, sir, we just can’t get in the mood.”

When in doubt, you can always depend on a nice cup of tea.

A HARD GAY investigation team are ordered to ‘pull out’ of their target.

“I don’t care who else you sleep with, but Grauwolf is mine!”

“Your HARD GAY isn’t bad for supporting characters.”

Generics start dying from a delayed reaction to HARD GAY, but luckily, the main characters seem to be immune.

Alice realises that Grauwolf’s HARD GAY was responsible.

Meanwhile, behind closed doors, one couple gets experimental in the bedroom.

How convenient- we wouldn’t want those nameless generics dying.

Randal reveals that no one can excite him in the bedroom any more.

Only a tank can satisfy his needs.

Randal gets himself in the mood with some Hyper Self Pleasure.

“I really should have worn a striped shirt and brought along a brown bag with a dollar sign on it.”

Grauwolf decides that an acid trip will be the best way to escape his current worries.

Randal initiates his HARD GAY.

“There’s no doubt about it- he’s HARD GAY too.”

At long last, Randal has found something to excite him.

Grauwolf realises how desperate Randal is to satisfy his needs.

“Here, try some of this drug, it will enhance the experience.”

Grauwolf invites Randal to take his best ‘shot’.

Unfortunately, Randal’s HARD GAY is just too much for him to take.

“That was just episode one! We’ll be back for more!”