Chevalier Alternative 22 Part II

“So this book contains the secrets of BI? I always thought it was just a book of HARD GAY.”

“Yes, I can only teach you about BI if you have the skill to open it.”

“Okay, I’ll give it a shot.”

“Come on, open, damn it!”

“Uh, d’Eon, it’s not opening…could you give me some pointers?”

“I’m sorry, Robin, but it looks like you’re not BI enough to be my partner.”

“But I really think that BI is the right choice for me!”

“Hey…would you change your mind if I gave you a hand job?”

“Robin, you’re trying my patience- and besides, I can pleasure myself that way.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Forget I asked.”

“Well, I’ll be going, then.”

“Yes, I’m just going…out the door.”

“Feel free to call me back any time, I won’t mind.”

“I’ll just let myself out, then.”

“Giuseppe, I have to tell you something- I’ve just got a job as an assistant on Countdown.”

“Can you help me practise for the letters game? Just ask me for a consonant or vowel.”

“Okay, I’d like a consonant please, Lorenza.”

“It’s an M.”


“Mind if I escort you to the set? I might get to meet Carol Vorderman.”

“Are you sure this is the Channel 4 studio? I think we might have taken a wrong turn somewhere.”

“Oh look, it’s Saint-Germain- he may not be as good looking as Carol, but this should be entertaining.”

“You have to listen to me- whatever you do, don’t let Marie talk you into having cosmetic surgery!”

“What are you babbling on about? We have a game show to film!”

“Come on, let’s leave here and get to the real studio.”

“How dare you talk to me so disrespectfully!?”

“You are just a mid-boss.”

“What do you mean, mid-boss?”

“Could a mere mid-boss do this?”

Saint-Germain shows off his dance routines.

“I can sing too!”

“I need a hero! I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night!”

“Thank you very much.”

“Please man, you’ve got to help me! My cosmetic surgery has gone wrong, my bank balance is in the red and I can’t get a job!”

“Even if you can just lend me a fiver, that would be enough.”

“Get away from me, you unemployed failure! I don’t want to catch your bad luck!”

“Is this the end of Saint-Germain?”

“Time to go, I think.”

“Is he dead?”

“Who cares- we’ve got Carol Vorderman to meet.”

“Time to add this handkerchief to the book of HARD YURI.”

“Did I really pay 50,000 francs for this?”

“The loss of Teillagory leaves me short on HARD GAY partners yet again.”

“Well, you know sir, I’m always at your disposal…”

“Yes, it’s so difficult to find good partners these days.”

“Hey, Broglie, do you know anything about HARD GAY?”

(“Did he just say what I think he said?”)

“Your Majesty, I would be more than happy to service you.”

“Oh my god, I just had a nightmare where I was STRAIGHT!”

Robin contemplates his Pistol.

“Ah, Robin, have you considered my offer?”

“Uh, I…I’d like to request a Pistol enlargement.”

“I think a larger Pistol will help me to become BI.”

“Poor boy, have you been unlucky in love?”

“Don’t worry, we can take care of all your needs.”

Anna clears up after a rehearsal of The Versailles Factor.

“Anna, do you think our rehearsal went okay?”

“I’m sure it was fine.”

“I have to admit I’m worried that we won’t get good ratings.”

“We’ll just have to hope that there’s nothing good on the other channels.”

Marie and Louis share a quiet dinner.

“This soup really is quite delicious.”

“Anyway, enough of that- let’s get down to business.”

“Marie, I understand that you have not only beaten my Minesweeper record, but you have also been making quite a bit of money on the side from cosmetic surgery.”

“I guess there’s no use in denying it.”

“Here’s the ledger of my earnings.”

(“I must find a subtle and cunning way of getting that money for myself.”)

“Here, let’s make a toast to your earnings.”

“To Marie.”

“Dear d’Eon, we regret to inform you that we cannot accept your manuscript for ‘D’Eons Guide to BI’.

“Damn those publishers- they just don’t appreciate my talents.”

Anna rushes to the next rehearsal of The Versailles Factor.

Marie drinks a toast to her financial success.

“Gwakaka, that was one I poisoned earlier.”

“I’m sorry, Marie, I do care for you…”

“…but at the end of the day, I need the money to pay for new HARD GAY partners.”

“This isn’t the right studio!”

“Damn you, woman, I can’t have you getting between me and a future rich in HARD GAY!”

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