Chevalier Alternative 24 part I

Stuck in a bedroom with Louis and Broglie, it seems as if poor d’Eon may well be forced into bed with one of them, but luckily for him, everyone wants a part of the finale. Sword, BOOK and even WORD are ready to heat up the bedroom, but in the end, will anyone attain HARD GAY bliss?

This is the longest parody ever and so it will be the first ever three part piece.


Last time on Chevalier…Louis caught an unpleasant disease after taking Broglie to his bed, and Lia-d’Eon resolved to put him out of his misery.


“Are you suggesting I gave this to him? Ridiculous!”


“Oh come on, look at the poor guy, he can barely hold his Sword.”


“Only the purifying power of my Sword can help him now.”


Meanwhile, Robin orders that extreme measures be taken against the troublesome cross that refused to be crushed.


Whilst waiting, he limbers up with some quick Self Pleasure.


In preparation for his next encounter, he loads his Pistol up with fresh Bullets.


“Ready for HARD GAY yet, Robin?”


“I’m expecting great things from that Pistol of yours.”


“I won’t let you down.”


“Yep, my ‘weapon’ is in full working order.”


“This will be the best Pistol I’ve ever given!”


“I look forward to getting my hands on it.”


“According to Vodafone text alerts, the best place for HARD GAY today is Versailles.”


“Let’s go- I can’t wait!”


“Me neither- this will be the best HARD GAY of my life.”


(“Calm down, Liang, it won’t be much longer now.”)


“Okay, Louis, this is for your own good.”


(“It couldn’t have been HARD GAY with me that gave Louis this unfortunate condition…could it?”)


Broglie thinks back to that fateful HARD GAY session.


“Okay, Broglie, first I take out my Sword and you take out your Cane.”


“Then we both insert them like so.”


“And that’s all there is to it, really.”


“Well, I can’t say that was the greatest session ever, but at least it was better than nothing.”


“And you say right after that he fell ill? Pretty incriminating, don’t you think?”


“So what? He was the one who asked to sleep with me!”


“Heh, I bet you’re just jealous because I got to sleep with the king.”


“Or maybe you wanted a taste of my Cane, eh?”


“I’m an experienced man, you know! I’ve spent years polishing my skills by practising with CORPSE!”


“You had CORPSE? You’ve probably picked up all sorts of unsightly conditions, then.”


“You disgust me.”


“Heh, in my day everyone did it.”


“A young man like you probably wouldn’t understand, but sometimes you have to resort to it if you want a partner.”


“But now that I’ve had a taste of HARD GAY with a living man, I won’t give it up!”


“It doesn’t matter what you want- you can’t be allowed to infect others and give HARD GAY a bad name!”


“You know, Lia-d’Eon, you act so high and mighty, but I bet there are all kinds of skeletons in your own closet. In fact, let’s engage a Flashback Mode to discover them.”


“Ah yes, Lia, who can forget how she would bend over and give it to anyone? Sword, Cane, she couldn’t get enough of it.”


“Why, I myself once had some very good Sword with her.”


“I won’t listen to your slanderous words!”


“Ah, but I haven’t finished yet. Did I mention how fond she was of CORPSE?”


“Ah yes, she loved CORPSE more than anyone else, even Broglie here.”


“Even Robespierre was shocked by her wanton ways!”


“I’m sick of your lies! You’re just jealous that you weren’t allowed to be the main character!”


“Excuse me a moment, sir, but all this talk of CORPSE has got me a little excited.”


“I hope you don’t mind, but I have to give the old Cane a bit of attention.”


“When you get to my age, it’s not as easy to get satisfaction.”


“Ugh…that’s it…oh yes…”


“Mark my words, it’s not as easy to get the motor running at my age.”


“You really are a pathetic old specimen, aren’t you?”


“Now, who should I put out of his misery first?”


“d’Eon, I changed my mind! I think I want some HARD GAY after all!”


“You are joking, right?”


“Oh come on, do it as one last favour for your king.”


“Have you taken a look at yourself in the mirror lately?”


“Besides, you just insulted Lia! I’d rather turn celibate than touch you!”


“Oh, I’m sure I don’t look that bad.”


Lia-d’Eon is momentarily caught in a nightmare vision of waking up next to that face.


(“Broglie on one side, Louis on the other- what do I do?”)


Meanwhile, the Dauphin waits patiently at the television studio, unaware that all of his shows have been cancelled due to poor ratings.


“Everyone will be along soon.”


“You know what they say, d’Eon, desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m afraid you’re going to have to co-operate with me one way or another.”


“What?”


“That’s the spirit, sir- I’ll get him from behind and then you give him a bit of Sword whilst he’s paralysed with shock!”


“Good thinking, Broglie, just let me get my sword out.”


“Oh yes, I’m going to enjoy this.”


“Cane at the ready, sir!”


“Sorry, Sword, it looks like I’m going to have to subject you to some unpleasantness.”


“That’s it, d’Eon, stop resisting and get into the spirit of things. This is no worse than Lia’s CORPSE, after all.”


(“God, please forgive me for what I am about to do.”)


“Ah, d’Eon, fancy meeting you here.”


“Hmm, you seem to have made a rather uninspiring choice of partner, if you don’t mind me saying.”