Shounen Onmyouji parody episode 14

A generic is patrolling at night when the onryou appears before him.

Onryou: Take me to your leader!

Generic: Please don’t hurt me, I’m just a generic guard! If you want to talk to a named character, try Fujiwara-no-Yukinari!

The onryou goes to see Yukinari, who is in bed.

Yukinari: What’s this- I didn’t order a man for tonight!

Onryou: Inflict status- Life Drain!

The next day, Masahiro is at the Onmyou dorm with Mokkun.

Masahiro: I wonder what happened to that onryou; I need to find him so that I can level up.

Toshitsugu appears.

Toshitsugu: Ah, if isn’t Masahiro- excuse me whilst I steal your screen time.

A generic comes up and whispers in Toshitsugu’s ears.

Toshitsugu: What, I’m upstaging the main character? Sorry, kid, but it seems the director is asking me to leave.

Toshitsugu leaves.

Elsewhere, a hooded Akiko and Tsuyuki are about to go shopping.

Tsuyuki: This loose-fitting hood should prevent anyone from recognising you, Akiko.

Akiko: I’ve never really been out before anyway, so the generic townspeople probably haven’t even seen me.

They go out.

Seimei: I hope they’re not going out for HARD YURI. Rikugou, you keep an eye on them.

At the market, Tsuyuki and Akiko buy some salt.

Tsuyuki: Okay, even though it’s just asking for trouble, I’m going to leave you alone for a while.

Akiko wanders through the marketplace.

Akiko: I can sense you’re following me, Rikugou.

Rikugou: Your abilities are even greater than Masahiro’s. What a shame that you are a female and thus condemned to remain at useless Level Zero forever.

Akiko: You’re right- the only skills I can hope to master are in the Cooking and Cleaning category. Speaking of which, perhaps I should cook something for Masahiro to help restore his stamina bar.

That evening, Masahiro goes to Yukinari’s home. He talks to a young man, Kouta.

Masahiro: Kouta, how’s Yukinari doing?

Kouta: He fell ill a few days- we think he may be under some sort of HP Drain status.

Masahiro: This sounds like a job for the main character!

Masahiro is taken to see Yukinari, but Toshitsugu is already attempting to perform an exorcism. When he is done, Yukinari awakens.

Yukinari: Thank you, Toshitsugu. Ah, Masahiro, you’re here too? Come to have a threesome with Toshi and I?

(Toshitsugu: That’s it, I’ve had enough of everyone looking up to this Level Five weakling just because he’s the main character! From now on, I’m going to try to take over his role!)

Toshitsugu: Yes, what are you doing here? Couldn’t bear to have a scene go by without the main character in it?

Masahiro: I, er…I thought destined main character powers might be needed.

Toshitsugu: Well, as you can see, we’re not all so completely incapable as to leave everything in the hands of a Level Five weakling. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I can hear the director calling my name.

Toshitsugu leaves.

Yukinari: I’m sorry about that- it seems Toshi has a hard time accepting the fact that you’re the main character. If we take time out for a quick Flashback Mode, I can tell you it was because he was doing your duties one night when he happened to see you wandering around- he probably thought you were skipping work for some STRAIGHT.

Masahiro: But I was saving the world from evil foreign demons!

Yukinari: Yes, I know that, but for plot reasons we can’t tell Toshi.

Masahiro: I guess it’s okay…my pure-hearted and hard-working nature will naturally make all antagonists become my friends in time. It’s the way of the main character.

Meanwhile, Toshitsugu is walking home when the onryou appears before him.

Onryou: Stop interfering with me! You are only a minor character!

Toshitsugu: I am not a minor character! In fact, I’m going to take over the role of main character by defeating you here and now! Unlike Masahiro, I am Level Ten! Take this- Green Arrow!

The next day, Masahiro is working at the dorms when Toshitsugu walks past in a dazed fashion. When Mokkun follows, he turns back and smiles evilly.

Masahiro: I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something feels different about Toshitsugu. I’d better follow him.

Masahiro catches up with Toshitsugu, who is opening a locked room.

Masahiro: Toshitsugu, what are you doing here?

Toshitsugu: Hatred and evil!

Mokkun: Masahiro, it’s a battle! Get in the back row or you’ll take critical damage!

Mokkun attacks.

Toshitsugu: Barrier Wave!

Mokkun is flung back.

Masahiro: Pale Blue Attack of Purity and Good!

Toshitsugu: Dark Green Attack of Evil!

The two energy waves collide and both boys are thrown back. Toshitsugu starts gurgling and choking.

Masahiro: Toshitsugu, what’s wrong? Are you choking on a bean?

Toshitsugu: Run away…I was a minor character after all, and I have been possessed by evil! AARGH!!

The onryou regains control of Toshitsugu.

Onryou: Hatred and evil! I must kill Yukinari, the man who denied me HARD GAY! Dark Green Attack of Evil!

Mokkun and Masahiro are thrown back yet again.

Mokkun: Guren Mode!

Onryou: Come on then, come and attack me, monster. Just by looking at you, I can tell you’re a man who has indulged in much Hyper Self Pleasure.

(Guren: How did he know?)

Onryou: Dark Green Follow Up!

Guren: Defend!

As Guren defends against the attack, the onryou magically disappears and generics come running.

Generics: Oh no, someone opened the Forbidden Depository and stole Key Item Onji no Gyoku!

Later, Masahiro talks to Yoshimasa.

Yoshimasa: Hmm, are you saying a Level Ten onmyou like Toshitsugu got possessed, whilst a Level Five weakling like yourself got away with a few scratches?

Masahiro: Father, I know my skill levels are low- you don’t need to keep rubbing it in.

Yoshimasa: What’s all this about? You’re the main character; that means you have many skills that the rest of us can only dream of- like DESTINY and CHEATING.

Masahiro: You’re right! Skill and experience are nothing compared to my abilities! Just leave it to me to rescue Toshi.

Meanwhile, Seimei reads about the loss of the Onji no Gyoku. Seiryu appears.

Seimei: You know, we really need to stop putting Key Items in places where enemies can easily steal them.

Kouta arrives.

Kouta: Seimei, you have to help us! Yukinari has fallen under Curse status!

Seimei: Hmm, this sounds like a job for Masahiro.

Masahiro and Kouta go to Yukinari’s home. A woman, Sagami, confronts them.

Sagami: Why have we got this Level Five weakling instead of Seimei?

Kouta: Don’t be rude, Sagami- this is the main character!

Masahiro goes to see Yukinari, who is surrounded by fog.

Masahiro: Basic Spell 01!

The fog dissipates and Yukinari awakens.

Yukinari: Masahiro? I prefer to have Toshitsugu with me in the bedroom.

Masahiro: Sorry, he’s been possessed by evil- er, I mean, he’s busy.

Yukinari: He always was a hard worker.

Masahiro and Mokkun go home.

Mokkun: Well, that’s a pretty bad status effect he’s got- it won’t stop until he’s KO’ed.

Masahiro: We can always return the curse.

Mokkun: In that case, Toshitsugu will die- I know he’s been getting on your case a bit, but isn’t that going too far?

Masahiro: Do you think I want him to die?

Mokkun: Well in that case, I’m sure the plot will provide a way for them both to survive.