Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 18


(Readers of the Alt-Chev parodies will remember the Durand pregnancy arc- well, here we have further proof.)

Teillagory gives Sword to the attacking generics, but something seems wrong with Durand.

(Durand: What’s happening? This feels more painful than Pleasurable!)

Lia: Input Spell Command! Everyone stand still while I chant!

Sandwich fidgets as Lia chants.

(Sandwich: Come on, get on with it, or there won’t be time for my speaking role!)

Writing appears on the bodies of Sandwich’s generics, and then Sandwich himself.

Sandwich: What are you doing? I told you not to class me as a generic!

Sandwich collapses as he becomes covered in words. The other musketeers start being affected.

Robin: Please stop! The force of this BI is too much for us!

Teillagory runs over to Lia.

(Teillagory: I do not want to touch a woman, but this is the only way!)

Teillagory grabs Lia.

Teillagory: Come back, d’Eon! Come and have HARD GAY with us!

Lia collapses, and d’Eon regains control.

d’Eon: I just heard from the director- Maximilien is dead!

(Durand: He was the best lover I ever had.)

At the abbey, Dashwood closes Robespierre’s eyes.

Dashwood: Foolish boy- if you had just waited a little, I could have arranged dates with many HARD GAY lovers for you.

Back in France, Louis organises an audition to become his next HARDGAY lover.

(Louis: All of these applicants are too generic- none of them excite me the way Durand does.)

Pompadour hears about the King’s indecision.

Pompadour: He hasn’t chosen a new lover yet? Surely they’ve all presented their Liangs to him by now. Could it be that he is still STRAIGHT enough for me to get back into his bed?

Back in his room, Louis talks to Broglie.

Louis: At this rate, I’m going to have to give up HARD GAY and start sleeping with Pompadour again. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was Lia, but the idea of touching a woman again is just so hard to come to terms with.

Broglie: I agree, sir.

(Broglie: You can sleep with women?)

The Four Musketeers take a carriage to the abbey.

d’Eon: I always thought Robespierre was HARD GAY, but he seems to have a bond with Lia- could he be BI? If that is so, the path I may take in the future could mean I won’t have time to have HARD GAY with my comrades.

Durand: These things happen- for example, if the King orders you to have HARD GAY, you must break every other engagement. That being said, there’s no reason why we can’t have a little HARD GAY now.

d’Eon nods in agreement. Meanwhile, Teillagory and Robin are up front.

Robin: Why are we going to the abbey? Shouldn’t we go home first and recuperate with some HARD GAY?

Teillagory: There is no time for that- don’t forget that the plot keeps us on a tight schedule. We must keep moving forward, conquering new lands and new partners- no matter what the damage to our Liangs.

At the abbey, Dashwood tries to use the Book of HARD GAY.

Dashwood: Book, reveal to me the name of my perfect partner!

Book: Louis XV.

Dashwood: Hmm, maybe I should have bought a magic 8-ball instead.

The Four Musketeers stop some way outside the abbey and prepare to make the final leg of their journey.

Durand: Here is where Maximilien gave up the Sword for more exotic forms of HARD GAY, such as the BOOK. We must be careful of what lurks within.

Teillagory: Don’t worry- I’ll show them all that basic Sword is still the best!

Durand: Right, let’s decide the order of HARD GAY for this mission. Robin, you go with Teillagory and take it from behind, whilst d’Eon will be with me and have it in front. Once you’re satisfied, just go straight home without worrying about what the other couple are doing.

Robin: Don’t say that- all four of us are one HARD GAY unit. We must not become divided now.

Teillagory: All for one, and one for all!

At the abbey, Dashwood tries again with the book.

Dashwood: Book, reveal to me the name of my perfect partner!

Book: Louis XV.

Dashwood: Damn it!

The Four Musketeers infiltrate the abbey, and begin having intense HARD GAY with Dashwood’s generics. The remaining generics start chanting.

Durand: Aagh, it’s a HARD GAY canceller!

Lia-d’Eon: It has no effect on me, for I am BI.

Lia walks into Dashwood’s boss battle chamber.

Dashwood: Equip Book and Cane! Cast Spell- Space Palace Versailles!

Lia and Dashwood are transported to Versailles in space.

Dashwood: I have created this simulation so that we can have BI in a pleasant setting. Now, will you come over to me?

Lia: Spell Cancel!

Lia burns Space Palace Versailles.

Dashwood: Why don’t you want BI with me? Is it because I am old and wrinkled?

They return to reality, where Lia seems paralysed. Dashwood picks up a knife.

Dashwood: You tried to resist, but now I will have my way with you with this Knife!

Dashwood goes to give Lia Knife, but the spirit of Robespierre stops him and transports him back to Space Palace Versailles. A guillotine is waiting there.

Robespierre: Fancy some guillotine, Dashwood?

The location changes to Hellscape.

Dashwood: This is the hideous destruction that will occur if our HARD GAY becomes too intense for the world itself to bear! Why are you showing me this?

The light of France appears, and Robespierre and Lia’s voices can be heard.

Robespierre: Only the righteous light of France can save the world now.

Dashwood begins walking towards the light of France.

Dashwood: There must be pure HARD GAY within that light- yet of a type that does not harm the planet.

Lia: There is Pleasure beyond your imaginings to be found.

Dashwood: Show me! Show me the Liangs!

Dashwood envisions the Zhuge Liang of Robespierre, whilst back in the real world, he falls on Lia’s Sword. The other Musketeers arrive just in time to miss all the action. Meanwhile, outside, Giuseppe and Lorenza watch as Robespierre’s soul returns to his body to greet a new day.

Robespierre: I am too bishie to die just yet.

Back in France, Pompadour and her entourage go to the King’s room. Broglie is there.

Pompadour: Where is His Majesty?

Broglie: Resting after HARD GAY.

Pompadour: He has chosen a lover, then?

Broglie hands her the paper with the choice of lover on it- it is clearly not to her taste.

To be continued…