Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 20

Lia-d’Eon sees Durand’s spirit leave for the afterlife.

(Durand: I’m off for some HARD GAY in Heaven, a place of Zhuge Liangs.)

Back in France, Louis writes down the name of the night’s lover.

Louis: And tonight, I choose Generic Advisor!

(Pompadour: Damn!)

Pompadour thinks back to a conference with Saint-Germain.

Saint-Germain: Even if we cannot turn Louis STRAIGHT, it is not the end of the world, for we still have the Dauphin.

Pompadour: I won’t sleep with one so long.

Saint-Germain: Consider it a request from me.

Later, Broglie talks to Marie.

Broglie: I must protect the Dauphin from the forces of STRAIGHT.

Marie: I doubt you understand women- leave it to me and my magical skull.

In England, Wood talks to Sandwich.

Wood: So anyway, it looks like they’re wrapping up the England arc this episode and heading back to France.

Sandwich: We must delay them! I haven’t had enough screen time yet!

Wood: Fine, then we’ll go to the embassy and search Guercy’s place for adult photos.

Sandwich: Damn you! I want character development!

Sandwich and Wood go to see Guercy.

Guercy: I don’t know what you’re looking for- I don’t keep any pornography here.

Wood: Nonetheless, we must look.

Sandwich’s soldiers search the place, and find some documents, which they hand to Sandwich.

Sandwich: My God! These Liangs are Zhuge!

Wood: I’ll take that.

Sandwich goes to the King.

Sandwich: Your Highness, you must help me! The England arc is ending and I need more screen time!

George: Do you really think I care about your plight? I am King George- I have had entire films made about me!

George leaves, and goes to see Charlotte.

George: Somehow I am defying history and abdicating- let’s go, and make a new history for England!

Charlotte: For some reason I was called Mary in this series anyway, so who cares about established events?

Meanwhile, the Musketeers pay their respects to Durand’s coffin.

Lia-d’Eon: Durand, you are with God now. Let his right hand grasp your Liang, that you may experience his wonders.

Teillagory: Well, all the loose ends have been conveniently wrapped up by the plot, so we should get back to France for the final arc.

Robin: We’re leaving Durand behind?

D’Eon: Robin, he’s dead- he can only give us CORPSE now.

Robin: But he’s one of us! It won’t feel right just having a threesome.

D’Eon: Look, the audience is waiting for us to get on with the plot. We’ll come back for him another time.

D’Eon and Robin leave.

Teillagory: I hope I can die as you did, Durand, in the throes of HARD GAY.

The remaining Musketeers prepare to board a boat back to France, when Charlotte appears.

Charlotte: Farewell, Lia-d’Eon- I hope we can have HARD YURI again some time.

D’Eon: By then, I truly will be Lia-d’Eon. Is becoming one with my sister the right thing to do, or will it make me unable to take any external partners?

Charlotte: Lia’s love for you will only enhance the experience you have in bed. She longs for you to have BI happiness with many partners.

Robin and Teillagory watch d’Eon.

Robin: d’Eon hasn’t cried once over Durand’s death.

Teillagory: He’s probably thinking that it’s one less threat to his screen time.

Robin: Is that really what this series is about- who can get the most screen time?

Meanwhile, Robespierre, Giuseppe and Lorenza go down to Durand’s coffin.

Robespierre: Lorenza, thinking of Durand gets me in the mood- could you service me with his Sword?

Lorenza gives Robespierre quick Sword.

On the boat, d’Eon writes to Anna.

(d’Eon: Dear Anna, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really know who you are or why you keep writing to me. When I return, perhaps we should meet so that I can learn your true identity, and warn you to stop stalking me.)

Once they reach France, Robin books them separate rooms at an inn.

Teillagory: Is he so upset over what I said about screen time that he doesn’t want HARD GAY with us tonight?

Alone in his room, Robin is restless.

(Robin: Damn, I’d forgotten what it’s like to have a night where I don’t sleep with another man.)

Robin goes downstairs and sees Teillagory.

Teillagory: Sorry, boy, but you had your chance to sleep with me tonight, and you blew it.

In his bed, d’Eon sleeps with the Book of HARD GAY.

(d’Eon: BOOK is all I need.)

He sees a vision of Lia being killed, and Broglie and Louis standing over her dying body.

(d’Eon: What’s this? Is it important plot information?)

The next day, d’Eon and Teillagory have tea together.

D’Eon: Where’s Robin?

Teillagory: Leave him alone. That boy needs a day or two without HARD GAY to set him straight.

Later, d’Eon argues with the innkeeper.

D’Eon: It’s been three days, and you still haven’t got us any horses! I said I wanted HORSE as soon as I got back to France!

As soldiers burst in, Teillagory draws his Sword and turns on d’Eon.

Teillagory: Forgive me, d’Eon, but I want to be the main character- and I’ll do anything to get my rivals out of the way.

D’Orleans enters.

D’Orleans: I’m back!

To be continued…

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