Lia-d’Eon sees Durand’s spirit leave for the afterlife.
(Durand: I’m off for some HARD GAY in Heaven, a place of Zhuge Liangs.)
Back in France, Louis writes down the name of the night’s lover.
Louis: And tonight, I choose Generic Advisor!
Pompadour thinks back to a conference with Saint-Germain.
Saint-Germain: Even if we cannot turn Louis STRAIGHT, it is not the end of the world, for we still have the Dauphin.
Pompadour: I won’t sleep with one so long.
Saint-Germain: Consider it a request from me.
Later, Broglie talks to Marie.
Broglie: I must protect the Dauphin from the forces of STRAIGHT.
Marie: I doubt you understand women- leave it to me and my magical skull.
In England, Wood talks to Sandwich.
Wood: So anyway, it looks like they’re wrapping up the England arc this episode and heading back to France.
Sandwich: We must delay them! I haven’t had enough screen time yet!
Wood: Fine, then we’ll go to the embassy and search Guercy’s place for adult photos.
Sandwich: Damn you! I want character development!
Sandwich and Wood go to see Guercy.
Guercy: I don’t know what you’re looking for- I don’t keep any pornography here.
Wood: Nonetheless, we must look.
Sandwich’s soldiers search the place, and find some documents, which they hand to Sandwich.
Sandwich: My God! These Liangs are Zhuge!
Wood: I’ll take that.
Sandwich goes to the King.
Sandwich: Your Highness, you must help me! The England arc is ending and I need more screen time!
George: Do you really think I care about your plight? I am King George- I have had entire films made about me!
George leaves, and goes to see Charlotte.
George: Somehow I am defying history and abdicating- let’s go, and make a new history for England!
Charlotte: For some reason I was called Mary in this series anyway, so who cares about established events?
Meanwhile, the Musketeers pay their respects to Durand’s coffin.
Lia-d’Eon: Durand, you are with God now. Let his right hand grasp your Liang, that you may experience his wonders.
Teillagory: Well, all the loose ends have been conveniently wrapped up by the plot, so we should get back to France for the final arc.
Robin: We’re leaving Durand behind?
D’Eon: Robin, he’s dead- he can only give us CORPSE now.
Robin: But he’s one of us! It won’t feel right just having a threesome.
D’Eon: Look, the audience is waiting for us to get on with the plot. We’ll come back for him another time.
D’Eon and Robin leave.
Teillagory: I hope I can die as you did, Durand, in the throes of HARD GAY.
The remaining Musketeers prepare to board a boat back to France, when Charlotte appears.
Charlotte: Farewell, Lia-d’Eon- I hope we can have HARD YURI again some time.
D’Eon: By then, I truly will be Lia-d’Eon. Is becoming one with my sister the right thing to do, or will it make me unable to take any external partners?
Charlotte: Lia’s love for you will only enhance the experience you have in bed. She longs for you to have BI happiness with many partners.
Robin and Teillagory watch d’Eon.
Robin: d’Eon hasn’t cried once over Durand’s death.
Teillagory: He’s probably thinking that it’s one less threat to his screen time.
Robin: Is that really what this series is about- who can get the most screen time?
Meanwhile, Robespierre, Giuseppe and Lorenza go down to Durand’s coffin.
Robespierre: Lorenza, thinking of Durand gets me in the mood- could you service me with his Sword?
Lorenza gives Robespierre quick Sword.
On the boat, d’Eon writes to Anna.
(d’Eon: Dear Anna, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really know who you are or why you keep writing to me. When I return, perhaps we should meet so that I can learn your true identity, and warn you to stop stalking me.)
Once they reach France, Robin books them separate rooms at an inn.
Teillagory: Is he so upset over what I said about screen time that he doesn’t want HARD GAY with us tonight?
Alone in his room, Robin is restless.
(Robin: Damn, I’d forgotten what it’s like to have a night where I don’t sleep with another man.)
Robin goes downstairs and sees Teillagory.
Teillagory: Sorry, boy, but you had your chance to sleep with me tonight, and you blew it.
In his bed, d’Eon sleeps with the Book of HARD GAY.
(d’Eon: BOOK is all I need.)
He sees a vision of Lia being killed, and Broglie and Louis standing over her dying body.
(d’Eon: What’s this? Is it important plot information?)
The next day, d’Eon and Teillagory have tea together.
D’Eon: Where’s Robin?
Teillagory: Leave him alone. That boy needs a day or two without HARD GAY to set him straight.
Later, d’Eon argues with the innkeeper.
D’Eon: It’s been three days, and you still haven’t got us any horses! I said I wanted HORSE as soon as I got back to France!
As soldiers burst in, Teillagory draws his Sword and turns on d’Eon.
Teillagory: Forgive me, d’Eon, but I want to be the main character- and I’ll do anything to get my rivals out of the way.
D’Orleans: I’m back!
To be continued…