Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 21

Orleans looks at the captive d’Eon.

Orleans: Hmm, I think I shall have Cane with him.

Teillagory: I was hoping you’d leave it to me…er, I mean, I didn’t think you’d go to the trouble of servicing him yourself.

Orleans: I want to see his face when I give him a taste of Cane.

Orleans administers harsh Cane to d’Eon.

Teillagory: Careful, sir, the rest of us want to have a go later.

Orleans: Hmm, I always hate having to share a lover.

Orleans’ party takes d’Eon outside just as Robin joins the crowd that has gathered round.

Teillagory: There should be one more around here somewhere- capture him and you can all have generic Pistol!

(Teillagory: Gwakaka, once they get Robin out of the way I will finally become the main character!)

(Robin: This could be my chance to become the main character! I’d better run.)

At the palace, Anna receives a letter from d’Eon.

(Anna: What’s this? He’s writing as if he doesn’t even know who I am!)

As he searches for d’Eon, Robin encounters a guard.

(Robin: As a main character, I should start refining my HARD GAY skills by having Pistol with this generic.)

Robin has rough Pistol with the guard, knocking him out when he cries out.

Robin: Ah, that feels good…sorry, but this is payback for all those times Durand and the others used me as their whipping boy.

Robin hides outside another window. Inside, d’Eon is seated in front of the Book of HARD GAY. Teillagory enters.

Teillagory: d’Eon, open the book of HARD GAY and teach me some of its techniques. If you do that, you may yet live.

D’Eon: Teillagory, why did you betray the side of good?

Teillagory: I have always serviced Orleans- both he and the previous king were favourite HARD GAY lovers of mine. I thought I would be content to just live with the memories of the time I spent with them, but when I looked up, the world had moved on. Versailles had forgotten the ways of true HARD GAY, and descended into hideous things like STRAIGHT and BI!

D’Eon: What are you saying? Louis XV himself is HARD GAY, and as knights we should be proud to service him!

Teillagory: I’m sorry, but the king is weak- he even takes generics to his bed these days.

Robespierre appears outside.

Robespierre: There is no need for HARD GAY and Swords any more. I have found newer and better methods of Pleasure.

Robin: How can you say that?

An intruder alarm is raised by the generic guards, and Robin runs away. The camera pans down to Robespierre’s crotch as Robin jumps over the balcony.

Robespierre: We will meet again- I know you want my body.

Robespierre climbs into the room where Teillagory and d’Eon are talking.

(Robespierre: The old man is not worthy of my attention, but maybe I can seduce d’Eon.)

Robespierre places Durand’s sword on the table.

Robespierre: So what’ll it be, d’Eon- Sword or BOOK?

D’Eon: How dare you come in here and try to seduce me? I am the main character, you know.

Robespierre: And a startlingly attractive one, at that. I finally understand why Durand gave his life for you- you are truly worthy of learning the HARD GAY techniques in the Book.

D’Eon: I will never sleep with you!

Robespierre: Ah, I wouldn’t be so sure of that. It is what Lia wants, and deep down, I suspect that you want it too.

Robespierre places his hand on top of d’Eon’s.

Robespierre: I will see you again, d’Eon…

Robespierre leaves, and Teillagory follows.

Teillagory: Have you no shame- trying to seduce a man as soon as you meet him?

Robespierre: Once I too was imprisoned by such foolish things as honour and propriety, but no longer- now I just take whatever men I want. In time, everyone will do the same, and the world will be a better place.

Lorenza approaches.

Lorenza: Maximilien, it’s time for my BI session.

Robespierre: Ah, of course- turn around.

Robespierre writes letters on the back of Lorenza’s neck. She passes out from the Pleasure and Giuseppe conveniently appears to catch her.

Robespierre: I’m heading out to advance the plot- you two stay here until the story needs some minor minions of evil.

Teillagory, Giuseppe and Lorenza report to Orleans.

Orleans: Are you saying Robespierre was here? How dare he leave without having HARD GAY with me?

Teillagory: I’m sorry, sir, but we are running out of episodes in which to wrap the story up. Besides, you’ll soon have the chance to cross Swords with Louis himself soon enough.

Orleans: Good point…and in the mean time, I always have you, Teillagory. Here, throw out that broken old antique and use this new Sword to show me the ways of Pleasure.

Teillagory: Yes sir.

Meanwhile, Robin visits Marie for some quick STRAIGHT.

Marie: You have done well, my little knight. I am glad I chose you.

Robin: Not so much of the little, if you don’t mind. Anyway, now that d’Eon has been captured, I am the main character.

Marie: I am sorry, but that just won’t do. This series is called Le Chevalier d’Eon, and so you must rescue him. Don’t bother asking the king for help, though, as he is evil.

Elsewhere, Saint-Germain and Pompadour plot and scheme.

Saint-Germain: According to the Book of HARD GAY, Dauphin Auguste is my optimum HARD GAY partner. I have already branded him with the H.O.M.O. mark.

Pompadour: Oh, right.

(Pompadour: Weren’t we fighting to establish an era of STRAIGHT?)

That night, d’Eon decides to open the Book of HARD GAY.

(d’Eon: It can’t hurt just to take a look at the different techniques.)

d’Eon soon becomes absorbed in the book, whilst outside, revolutionaries wander the streets demanding HARD GAY for all. Teillagory talks to Orleans.

Teillagory: These are dangerous times- sir, you must move to safety lest you have to give Cane to many generics.

Orleans: What, and let you have Sword with them all? No thanks; I will stay here and get my share of HARD GAY.

Teillagory: Sir, it is too dangerous for you to have HARD GAY with generics on such a large scale- you could exhaust yourself.

Orleans: I just can’t depend on you not to leave me alone and doom me to a life of Hyper Self Pleasure!

Teillagory: Trust your men, sir- we will always be ready to service you.

D’Eon continues to read and make notes from the Book of HARD GAY when Robin bursts in.

(D’Eon: Damn, I was just getting to a good part.)

(Robin: I don’t want to rescue him, but it’s the only way to get Marie to have STRAIGHT with me again.)

Robin: Come on, we have to go!

Robin and d’Eon run down a long corridor into a room where Lorenza and Giuseppe await.

Lorenza: It’s mid-boss time! Now marvel as I force Robin to give d’Eon fatal Pistol!

Robin swings his Pistol towards d’Eon. Meanwhile, Marie visits Pompadour and hands her some documents.

Marie: These documents prove that you tried to steal additional screen time for yourself.

Pompadour: But the director said it was okay!

D’Eon prepares to have BI with Robin.

D’Eon: I’ll show you how a main character has BI! Lia Mode!

Lorenza grabs Lia-d’Eon from behind.

Lorenza: If you’re going to turn into Lia, I want in on the action!

Lia-d’Eon: I don’t need you- only BOOK!

Lia-d’Eon has BOOK.

Lia: Such intense BOOK- I can’t bear to watch!

Lorenza faints as Teillagory enters.

Teillagory: Throw down your Sword, d’Eon.

D’Eon: Do you mean to have your way with me?

Robin: Don’t do this! If you take him by force, it will stain the reputation of HARD GAY forever!

Teillagory: Be quiet, Robin- you are just jealous that you only have a Pistol.

Teillagory and d’Eon start giving each other violent Sword. Teillagory soon dominates.

(Robin: What is this? I feel strangely aroused.)

Orleans enters.

Orleans: Teillagory! Honestly, I go away for five minutes and you start having your way with another man.

Orleans picks up d’Eon’s sword.

Orlean: There’s still time for me to join in.

Robin gets his pistol out.

Robin: If he’s joining in, then so am I!

Orlean: Stay out of this; d’Eon is the one I want Sword with!

Robin: Damn you! I want to be the main character!

Robin tries to have Pistol with Orleans, but Teillagory intercepts.

To be continued…

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