Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 3

Lu Xun’s Destined power runs out, and he crashes to the platform below, having violent WOOD in the process. He is taken away to rest with the other injured men in the aftermath of the battle.

Generic: We must find out just who could make arrows magically appear in the air like this!

Ling Tong sits by Lu Xun.

Ling Tong: Aniki, you can’t die yet! We haven’t properly consummated our relationship yet.

Taishi Ci comes over and starts having rough HARD GAY with Lu Xun.

Ling Tong: What the hell are you doing? He’s my boyfriend!

Taishi Ci: Boy, where did you get your Destined HARD GAY powers from? Did you steal them from my lover Sun Ce?

Lu Xun: I didn’t steal anything!

Taishi Ci: Tell me the truth, or this HARD GAY will be your last!

Sun Quan enters.

Sun Quan: That’s enough, Taishi Ci. If you paid any attention to the OP, you would know that this man is the main character. It is acceptable for him to have Destined powers.

Taishi Ci terminates the HARD GAY as Sun Quan goes over to Lu Xun.

(Lu Xun: Is this a man or a woman? Either way, I feel strangely attracted to them.)

Sun Quan: Your HARD GAY is most impressive, Lu Xun.

Lu Xun: I only wish my Sword was enough to save the world by servicing everyone’s desires.

In his room, Zhou Yu considers recent events as he stares at Sun Ce’s sword.

Zhou Yu: Sun Ce, your Sword was mighty, but could Lu Xun’s HARD GAY be even better than yours? Will it be betraying your memory if I try to find out first hand?

Zhou Yu enters Flashback Mode, remember how Sun Ce first gained the powers of Hyper Self Pleasure.

Zhou Yu: Sun Ce, could this glowing aura possibly mean you have obtained powers of Pleasure beyond those of any other man?

Sun Ce: Yes, I have, and my Sword feels great!

Zhou Yu: Let me feel it too!

Sun Ce: You must not! I do not need you for HARD GAY anymore, for from now on, Hyper Self Pleasure will be enough to satisfy me. The moment I touched my enhanced Sword, I knew that I had become too lusty and well endowed for any man to be able to endure my passions.

Zhou Yu: But…but I thought we were lovers!

Sun Ce: And that is precisely why I cannot let you have HARD GAY with me now, for I might kill you in the process.

Later, Zhou Yu talks to Lu Xun.

Zhou Yu: Lu Xun, if you wish to join the HARD GAY kingdom of Wu, you must first pass a trial to test your skills.

Lu Xun: Understood. As a main character, it shouldn’t pose too much of a problem to me.

Zhou Yu: Whilst we’re here, I’d like to know what sort of HARD GAY service you want to provide to Wu.

Lu Xun: Well actually, I want to reclaim the Lord’s Cube. It’s what my master told me to do.

Zhou Yu: And who is this master of yours?

Lu Xun: Zhuge Liang.

Zhou Yu: The most HARD GAY man of the age! I have high expectations of you in the bedroom, then.

Lu Xun: I shall endeavour to fulfil them.

Zhou Yu leaves the room, only to be accosted by Taishi Ci.

Taishi Ci: Is it true that you’re letting that kid enter the army? We don’t even know if he’s HARD GAY enough yet!

Zhou Yu: That is why I’m testing him beforehand. You can have a go with him too, and if you don’t find him worthy of your bed, he certainly won’t be worthy of mine.

That evening, Lu Xun meets Sun Quan in the garden.

Sun Quan: Please take these healing items, Medicinal Herbs. Each one heals 200HP.

Lu Xun: Thank you.

Sun Quan: I hope you pass the HARD GAY trial and enter the army, for then I can take you into the royal bedchamber.

Lu Xun: Sun Quan, I have a confession to make- I have already been in the bedchamber with your brother on the night he died. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.

Sun Quan: Oh, don’t worry about it- you are the main character, after all. Did he tell you how well you serviced him?

Lu Xun: He must have been pleased with it, for he said I was the ‘Chosen One’.

Sun Quan: Just as I suspected- I had you pegged as a gentle and understanding lover, quite unlike the rough man that my brother became.

Later, Lu Xun is telling Ling Tong that he is to take the HARD GAY trial when Ling Cao arrives.

Ling Cao: Son, our army is in sore need of more HARD GAY men, and so the trial is to be opened to all named characters.

Ling Tong: Great! I may look like a woman, but I’ll show them I have a Sword worthy of the army!

The next day, the prospective candidates gather for the trial, which involves taking Axe from Taishi Ci. Lu Meng approaches Lu Xun and Ling Tong.

Lu Meng: Hello, I’m a named character too, and for some reason I have to fight even though I only want to become a civil official. You must be Ling Tong. I expect your father has trained you in HARD GAY for this day.

Ling Tong: Hey, I’m not just a daddy’s boy! I have lovers of my own too, like Lu Xun here, and, er, too many others to mention!

Zhuge Jin approaches.

Zhuge: Hi, sexy boys! I don’t like the look of that crude Axe wielder up there, but perhaps one of you wouldn’t mind warming my bed tonight, eh?

Meanwhile, Taishi Ci defeats his first generic.

Taishi Ci: You are too generic to win against a named character! Go home and wait for the next crowd scene to appear in!

Zhou Yu: Okay, it’s time to get on to the main characters! Lu Meng, you’re up first!

A nervous Lu Meng equips Polearm and steps up to face Taishi Ci.

Taishi Ci: What’s this- another weakling? My Axe is getting bored!

Lu Meng: I may look timid, but don’t underestimate me in the bedroom!

Lu Meng gives Taishi Ci Polearm, followed by Twin Blade. Although he loses one blade, he is deemed HARD GAY enough to join.

Lu Meng: Please forgive my poor skills.

Taishi: Nonsense- you’re a strong one in the bedroom. Have more confidence in yourself.

Zhou Yu: Next up is Ling Tong!

Ling Tong: High speed HARD GAY! Boomerang!

Ling Tong scores a hit on Taishi Ci.

Ling Tong; How was that? I’m a master at SPEED GAY.

Zhou Yu: Okay, then speedily get off screen so we can get on with this. Zhuge Jin, you’re next!

Zhuge Jin: Hey, Lu Xun, you have a nice face. What say you and I go out for dinner some time.

(Lu Xun: He reminds me of Master Zhuge Liang- I wonder if his Sword is comparable.)

Taishi Ci: Hmm, you look capable.

Zhuge Jin: Please go easy on me- I’m not a big fan of Axe.

Taishi Ci: Whatever- just get on with it.

Zhuge Jin: Newtype HARD GAY- Claw and Web!

Zhuge Jin shoots long threads from his claws for long distance bondage. Taishi Ci tries to struggle, but Zhou Yu declares the battle ended.

Zhuge Jin: I’m not really a fan of the sort of rough HARD GAY you get on the front lines, so I hope you’ll give me a job servicing the Court.

Zhou Yu: And now, in true plot fashion, we have saved the main character for last. Step up, Lu Xun!

Taishi Ci: You should know right now that I hate you for being better looking than me! My Axe won’t go easy on you.

Lu Xun: Prepare to have a taste of my Sword!

Lu Xun tries to give Taishi Ci Sword, but Taishi Ci starts to have violent Axe with him.

Taishi Ci: Come on, give me some Destined HARD GAY the way Sun Ce used to!

(Lu Xun: He’s just too ugly- I can’t get a RAGING HARD-ON!)

Taishi Ci: You killed Sun Ce in order to be the main character, didn’t you? Sun Ce made me everything I am today- stupid, ugly and rough in the bedroom!

Lu Xun: It’s not like that! I was meant to be the main character right from the start!

Taishi Ci: Damn you! Hyper Axe!

Lu Xun: Blade Breaker!

Lu Xun’s destined Sword breaks Taishi Ci’s Axe. A piece of Axe flies towards Sun Quan.

Lu Xun: Inconsistent Plot Powers! Flame Shield! Teleport!

Lu Xun teleports in front of Sun Quan and blocks the Axe fragment.

Sun Quan: Taishi Ci, I think it is obvious that he has the destined powers of the main character. Even you must accept him into our inner circle now.

Elsewhere, Zhuge Liang is selling a new HARD GAY artefact, the Lord’s Sphere, to prospective buyers.

Zhuge Liang: Once you master its use, your HARD GAY will improve a hundredfold.

Back at the Ling house, Ling Tong talks to Lu Xun.

Ling Tong: What a surprise- as named OP characters, we both passed the trial. Oh, and your relationship score with Taishi Ci has increased enough for him to give you these healing items, Giant Rice Balls.

To be continued…

One thought on “Koutetsu Sangokushi parody episode 3

  1. AniDB needs a new category just for this show: ‘Manlove purporting to be historical drama’ or maybe ‘deception Yaoi’.

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