Le Chevalier d’Eon parody episode 24 [end]


Lia confronts Louis.

Louis: Yes, I was the one who killed Lia, Marie and, er, what’s-her-name through intense STRAIGHT. That is why HARD GAY has abandoned me and left me to rot.

Meanwhile, Robin has a cross melted down and turned into bullets.

(Robin: These holy bullets will surely produce a heavenly BI experience.)

Robespierre: Killing the king will not put an end to HARD GAY- if we do not show the people that BI is a viable replacement, they will only long for more of the same.

Robin: Don’t worry- I will show them the strength of BI.

Robespierre: Good boy; now let’s go and have the BI to end all other BI.

Meanwhile, in Louis’ room…

D’Eon: Why did you have to kill Lia? Was she too popular a character to be left alive.

Broglie: Lia and Robespierre’s STRAIGHT was too dangerous- it threatened the HARD GAY fabric of France.

Louis: Although it was a distasteful thing to do, I had fatal STRAIGHT with Lia. When Robespierre learned of it, however, he realised the value of women and chose to forsake pure HARD GAY in favour of accursed BI.

D’Eon: Lia sacrificed so much in preparation for this series!

Louis: Indeed, and yet there is more exposition to reveal. For example, I am not truly of the royal bloodline, for it was prophesied that the true heir would be too HARD GAY for even France to handle. Thus, Maximilien and I were exchanged, but now it seems that I am not HARD GAY enough, for my dalliances in STRAIGHT have caused me to rot.

D’Eon: But Lia can open the Book of HARD GAY, and she is a woman!

Louis: Lia is one of the previous king’s illegitimate children; when I sought to separate from Maximilien, it was not so much from fear of STRAIGHT as a desire to avoid incest. Although that being said, I cannot help but be resentful towards STRAIGHT, for when I learned the truth of my lineage I always knew I would never truly escape it no matter how HARD GAY I tried to be. Look- I can’t even give myself Hyper Self Pleasure now.

Louis tries to give himself Sword, but he cannot.

D’Eon: Could you stop talking about yourself? This exposition is getting boring.

Robespierre, Robin, Giuseppe and Lorenza enter.

Robespierre: Stop prattling on about HARD GAY, old man- this is the era of BI!

Lorenza: Everyone is sick of this lengthy exposition! Let’s have a Psalm Battle!

Lorenza and Lia have a Psalm battle, but Lia is clearly stronger.

Robespierre: Lia and d’Eon in one body- I can no longer hold back the urge to have Sword!

Robespierre gives Lia-d’Eon intense Sword.

Robespierre: Let me give you Sword good enough to send you to the next world!

Just as it seems that Robespierre is about to kill Lia-d’Eon, the Book of HARD GAY opens and dispels his attack.

Robespierre: Could it be that HARD GAY is rejecting the concept of BI?

Suddenly, Gargoyle Saint-Germain bursts in through the window.

Robin: Saint-Germain! His corpse must be animated by his intense cravings for HARD GAY!

Lorenza: I will stop him with HARD YURI!

Saint-Germain resists Lorenza’s HARD YURI magic.

Giuseppe: In that case, let me satisfy his cravings with Sword!

Even Giuseppe’s Sword is not enough to stop Saint-Germain. Lia-d’Eon attacks next, but even s/he cannot stop Saint-Germain, who leaps onto Louis’ bed. Louis gives him Sword.

Louis: Yes, this is as it should be…how ironic that a corpse would be my last HARD GAY experience…

Saint-Germain is weakened.

Robin: Let’s all join in and have some CORPSE!

Robin gives Saint-Germain Pistol, which Lia-d’Eon follows up with Sword. The Sword shatters, but Saint-Germain is dispatched in a purple aura of HARD GAY.

Robin: Now to put an end to foul HARD GAY!

Robin tries to give Louis fatal Pistol, but his gun will not fire.

(Robin: Is my weapon rejecting the idea of HARD GAY now that I have had CORPSE and BI?)

Robespierre picks up the Book of HARD GAY and hands it to Robin.

Robespierre: Lia, the time is near to transform this Book of HARD GAY into a Book of BI. What do you say to that?

Broglie: HARD GAY forever!

Broglie gives Robespierre Sword.

Robespierre: Why didn’t you do this when I was a child? If only you had, I might have lived a life of HARD GAY, never wishing to seek out STRAIGHT or BI.

Robespierre causes Broglie to collapse.

Robespierre: Okay, the series is drawing to a close; let’s go outside to tie up the plot.

Robespierre, Robin, Lia-d’Eon, Giuseppe and Lorenza go outside, leaving Louis indoors.

Louis: Oh cruel plot, leaving me to rot in here alone!

Outside, Robespierre says farewell to his companions.

Robespierre: According to the director, my time here is up. Robin, you must continue spreading BI across Europe in my name.

Next, Robespierre talks to Lia-d’Eon.

Robespierre: I must go to the next world, for this plane of existence can no longer satisfy my intense BI cravings.

Robespierre dies; elsewhere, the Book of HARD GAY becomes the Book of BI, and Robin opens it. He sees a vision of BI before Lia-d’Eon interrupts him.

Lia: Robin, you can still go back to being a supporting character- just give me the Book of BI.

Robin: Haha, I have the Book, and you’re never getting your hands on it!

Lorenza and Giuseppe’s carriage conveniently comes by, and Robin jumps into it.

(Lia-d’Eon: Damn, I really wanted that Book.)

Older d’Eon begins to narrate as we see d’Eon burning his sister’s corpse.

Older d’Eon: On that day, I knew there were no more threats to my role as main character, but I also knew that the series had ended. All I could do was indulge in my fetish for women’s clothing and watch as Robin’s BI conflicted with Broglie’s HARD GAY. From then on, events proceeded as history dictated, whilst I went to England for BI with Queen Charlotte. And now, all I can do is make money by turning my story into an anime…

The end.

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