Pumpkin Scissors parody 12 part I

With the revelation that many army officials have Ezos set to be released to the public, the characters must decide whether or not this is a good thing. Should the public know the depressing truth, or should they live on in blissful ignorance, believing they will get Zhuge Liang instead of the Ezo they will inevitably be Pleasured with?

A popular new HARD GAY outlet has just opened.

Provided you show them the details of what you want and where you want it, they will endeavour to provide your desired HARD GAY experience.

“Ah, so sir is interested having it in the back of a carriage, is he?”

“Unfortunately, someone has already booked that carriage.”

“If I recall correctly, the man who hired it was planning to entertain a client with his Zhuge Liang.”

“He was, was he? I’d like to see this Zhuge Liang, er, man.”

“Pleasure me fifty times, and I’ll introduce you to him.”

“Is this the only way you can get HARD GAY, old man?”

“Oh well, I guess have no choice- just guide my hand down there, will you?”

“That was good!”

“Look, Dalton, you’ve had enough screen time already- go home and let us major characters get some development.”

“Before I go, I think you should know that Colt has given his last TANK.”

“Your point being?”

“Oh, nothing really, I just happened to hear that you’ve enjoyed TANK with him in the past.”

“You speak as if you have as well.”

“Of course I have- the professor and I were on and off lovers.”

“Yet now I wonder if the Pleasure I gave him was intense enough to be fatal.”

“In any case, if Randel is around, I wouldn’t mind having a quick session with him.”

“I’m afraid we’ve detected signs of BI inclinations in Randel- he may not want pure HARD GAY with you.”

“That’s a shame.”

“You see, I went to see Colt to talk about his ‘Gun’.”

“I have to admit, the size of his ‘weapon’ has that effect on everyone.”

“The desire to discover everything about how he came to have such a Zhuge Liang overwhelmed me.”

“Well, what did you find out? Was he born with it, or did he go to New Wang?”

“Well, at the end of the day, I realised that the fact that I had regular access to his Zhuge Liang was far more important than figuring out where it came from.”

“…is the sort of HARD GAY you only hear about in legends.”

“I have to let everyone know about the types of HARD GAY available.”

“If you delve into such exotic and dangerous types of HARD GAY, you may lose your Liang, or worse!”

“No one will ever believe that a single man could have successful TANK!”

“I know you- you were the one who sought out men with invisible Ezos.”

“Now, now- who’s going to believe that a woman would want a man with a minuscule Ezo?”

“And if the public finds out, their sex drives will be totally ruined by the thought of those Ezos!”

“As the main character, it’s about time I showed up for some screen time!”

“When the main character shows up, it’s time for minor personalities such as myself to stop hogging all the screen time- and besides, with a woman around I can’t count on getting pure HARD GAY.”

“Anyway, enough talk- let’s get back to the plot.”

“I have learned of the terrible Ezo situation in the army.”

“Randel, I’d like to book HARD GAY for whenever it’s convenient for you.”

“What sort of HARD GAY will you be wanting from me?”

“I’ll tell you once I’ve decided.”

“So, where is the Ezo manuscript?”

“Well, in order to stretch this story out to the end of the episode, it’s still in their possession.”

“Hmm, we’d better tread carefully, or we’re going to end up only able to have CORPSE this episode.”

Meanwhile, Dalton tries his luck in another HARD GAY bar.

(“Is that a single guy coming in? I might have a chance with him.”)

“Good luck- I’m rooting for you.”

Dalton begins by chatting up his target.

Offering to pay for HARD GAY is a sure-fire way to get into the sack.

“Wow, that was good HARD GAY- and now you’re inviting me to group BI!”

“Even so, plot matters call, and so we must talk about those invisible Ezos.”

“You know, he would be a better partner than Alice.”

“He must know all sorts of techniques.”

“I know you wanted to experiment with HARD YURI, but wasn’t BI your original preference?”

“And this guy is ready to pay us for BI!”

“With the money, we can afford to try any technique.”

“How do we know he’ll even put his Liang where he’s supposed to?”

“Why would he pay us just to wave it around without doing the deed?”

“I will never sell my body to the likes of you.”

“In that case, take this Gun and let us males have HARD GAY!”

“Now let’s get on with the Pleasure.”

“You can have any technique you like.”

“I’ve worked hard, and now I have proof of the existence of Ezos!”

“Sorry, but Ezos don’t make for good stories- the article needs more ‘meat’, if you get my drift.”

“Yes, sir- there will be meat in this article even if I have to provide it myself!”

“The plot has left me behind, and I need to catch up!”

“I’m afraid I’ve been a bit busy servicing people today- everyone’s been asking for HARD GAY.”

“Alice- how’s your love life going?”

“Guy? I have my own BI unit- what would I need another man for?”

“I know you slept with that reporter, you slut!”