Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 17

Two of Hijikata’s compatriots arrive.

Hijikata: Ah, it seems my regular lovers are here. Sorry, Akidzuki, but I must bid you farewell for now.

(Akidzuki: No, don’t leave me- we still need to have many, many more HARD GAY sessions!)

On the deck of Enomoto’s ship, Brunet talks to Soutetsu.

Brunet: What’s up with all these men Enomoto keeps around?

Soutetsu: His appetite for BI has become truly prodigious- why, he hasn’t even left his room in the last few days.

Meanwhile, Akidzuki and Kakunojo have reached a temple belonging to an acquaintance of Shouten.

Man: For me, HARD GAY is the finest thing in this universe, even better than food. A virile young man like you is welcome to stay as long as he wants to.

(Akidzuki: Much as I need a regular HARD GAY partner, this man is far too ugly.)

The man shows Akidzuki and Kakunojo to another building.

Man: Here’s where you can rest- although I doubt you’ll be getting much sleep, if you know what I mean.

Akidzuki walks off in displeasure.

Elsewhere, Hijikata meets up with further compatriots, all willing to give him Sword. Unfortunately, he has to enter Sendai and have a HARD GAY meeting with several unattractive historical figures and attached generics.

(Hijikata: Men, men everywhere, and not a decent Liang between them.)

Hijikata notices Soutetsu.

(Hijikata: Hmm, he doesn’t look too bad.)

(Soutetsu: Ah, Hijikata, I must introduce you to the ways of BI.)

Soutetsu: Your Liang is most impressive, Hijikata.

Hijikata: Who are you?

Soutetsu: Soutetsu Ibaragi, a man of BI.

(Hijikata: Damn BI.)

Hijikata: I have no interest in BI.

Hijikata leaves. Meanwhile, back at the temple, Kakunojo is sweeping leaves.

Man: Well, it looks like Akidzuki isn’t interested in HARD GAY with me- I think he must be saving himself for BI with you.

Kakunojo: But he doesn’t seem interested in BI.

Man: All the more reason for you to go and persuade him to try it, then.

Unsurprisingly, Akidzuki is standing on the edge of a cliff, thinking about that fateful night of BI.

(Akidzuki: The spectre of BI continues to haunt me- when will I find a HARD GAY partner to wash it all away?)

Kakunojo approaches.

(Akidzuki: God, why do you mock me so? I don’t want this woman!)

Meanwhile, the chess piece team has just spotted one of Enomoto’s ships lurking in nearby waters.

Knight: Frenchmen are always good for BI- let’s go!

Kanna: Are you sure you’re up to satisfying them?

Bishop: On the contrary, all of them would barely be enough to assuage the appetite of one of us, let alone all four.

Rook: We know you’re not interested in BI, so you can just stay and watch if you like.

On board Enomoto’s ship, some generics are arguing.

Generic: Enomoto is in his room all the time, but when is it going to be my turn to have BI with him?

Generic #2: Just be patient, and trust in our leader.

Akidzuki talks to Kakunojo.

Akidzuki: Chief, I know what you want from me, but I don’t want to get involved with you. I’m just not interested in BI.

Kakunojo: Is that really true? Both you and I have Swords now- surely we are destined to be together.

Kakunojo tries to touch Akidzuki’s Sword, but he moves it away.

Akidzuki: That’s just your opinion.

Kakunojo: Have you even watched the OP? It shows us together!

Akidzuki: Just leave me alone! I’m dedicated to HARD GAY!

At a dojo, Hijikata has Shinai with his men.

Generic: HARD GAY with Hijikata really does wonders for morale.

Generic #2: He’s much better than those ugly old historical figures. And as for Enomoto, why, they say he has yet to show his Liang on land!

(Hijikata: Why can’t I get Soutetsu out of my head? I shouldn’t be attracted to him- he’s BI!)

Brunet visits Soutetsu, who is writing something.

Brunet: What’s that?

Soutetsu: It’s the script for next episode- I’m running a bit behind schedule again.

Whilst the chess piece team commences BI with generic French sailors, Kakunojo runs home to get her Sword.

Man: Kakunojo, wait! Women shouldn’t have Sword!

Kakunojo returns to Akidzuki.

Kakunojo: Akidzuki, please train me in the ways of Sword, so that I can Pleasure you in the manner you have become accustomed to!

Hijikata visits Soutetsu.

Hijikata: You- you were laughing at those historical figures and their pathetic HARD GAY earlier, weren’t you?

Soutetsu: Trust me, my BI is far superior to anything they could offer.

Hijikata: Are you sure you have no interest in HARD GAY?

Soutetsu: HARD GAY is finished- it is the age of BI now.

Meanwhile, Kakunojo unsuccessfully tries to give Akidzuki Sword, only to be distracted by the sound of Cannon from the chess piece team’s BI. Enomoto also comes out on deck, causing Akidzuki’s gaydar to go off.

(Akidzuki: I sense great Pleasure occurring over there, but is it HARD GAY- or BI?)

Back in his room, Soutetsu continues to talk to Hijikata.

Soutetsu: I’m sure you can feel the Pleasure aura emanating from over there- that is just my comrade Enomoto demonstrating the power of BI. I know you feel compelled to stick with the old ways, but BI truly is the future- and by signing this contract, you can even become my lover. And I assure you that I will be giving you plenty of bedroom time if you sign up.

(Hijikata: I don’t like the idea of BI, but he’s so damn attractive!)

To be continued…

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