Tuesday Rumble: June 19th

Spoiler warning: I’m going to be giving away some twists from the DNAngel anime, but does anyone really care? Also look out for Kaleido Star spoilers.

The lesson we must learn from this week is not to write Tuesday Rumble at the very last minute- but would you have noticed if I hadn”t mentioned it?

A guide to WOOD

Whilst the better characters take down the enemy soldiers, Hakuoro prepares himself for battle with that deadliest of foes- inanimate WOOD.

Ever since it made its debut appearance in Utawarerumono, WOOD (as opposed to plain old wood) has proven itself of a silent yet undeniable importance in the worlds of anime and gaming. Here’s a brief guide to its uses and appearances.

• In SRPGs, obstacles made of WOOD often appear, and have a variety of uses, from blocking the progress of your units to acting as equippable items. As much as it can be a deadly foe, WOOD can also be a powerful ally- for example, in Phantom Brave one can do damage in the hundreds with merely a wooden crate equipped.
• WOOD’s presence in anime tends to be more silent and unobtrusive, but even so it seems to provoke the ire of certain characters. SaiMono’s Soujun detested WOOD after he realised it was more erudite and attractive than he was, and often smashed tables and chairs for no reason. Other characters will often smash wooden objects in the heat of the moment.
• WOOD takes on especial importance in the world of Harvest Moon, where Anton must learn to chop it with his axe- out of need rather than any personal grudge. Similarly, RTS games such as Warcraft rely on units chopping WOOD for lumber.
• In fantasy worlds such as that of FFIX, advanced technology is not permitted- unless of course it is made of WOOD. Even airships can be made of it.

Parodying SaiMono Fanfiction

• Ryuuki stared out at the practice field with undisguised lust. Seien ani-ue had been the first one to enter his lonely life to show him that Pleasure could be gentle, and now that they had found each other again, he longed to pick up where they had left off. Drinking in his brother’s rippling muscles, the Emperor found his gaze drawn inevitably downwards, and felt a thrill of pleasure when he imagined being impaled on Seiran’s mighty Sword.
• “Ouch!”exclaimed Seiran as Ensei got out his weapon. “Your Staff is far too long to be waving it around like that!”

“I’m sorry,” replied Ensei, “but it’s been so long since we were last alone like this- you can’t blame me for not being able to control myself.”

• Staring down at his naked body, Eigetsu tried to console himself. “The situation isn’t so bad that I’ve had to resort to Hyper Self Pleasure, it really isn’t. I’m just satisfying Yougetsu’s desires, that’s all.”
• Reishin had waited so long for this day- in fact, it was the only reason he had taken the boy in in the first place. He had carefully supervised Kouyuu’s growth and development, ensuring that the young man never grew too interested in women; in fact, he was utterly delighted that Kouyuu seemed to actively dislike them. And now the time had come for all his hard work to pay off. “Draw your Sword, boy,” he commanded his adoptive son, “and we’ll see how much of a man you are.”

Shining Tears X Wind 4

If only the weather was so easily controlled in this world.

Wait a minute- wasn’t this a fantasy world?

“You may know it as technology, but demonic alchemy sounds more evil.”

From out of nowhere, a laser cannon appears.

Quite. Now can the series end, please?

There’s always a Lord of Chaos causing trouble somewhere.

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Commence Souma’s Question Time!

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Next episode: some Elf on Elf action.

Random Thoughts: Anna

This week, we catch up with Anna from Chevalier!

Anna, was it ever hard being the fiancée of a man who was so obviously HARD GAY?

Sorry, could you repeat the question? I thought I heard you say that d’Eon was HARD GAY, which can’t possibly be true.

Oh, sorry, my mistake. Well then, how did you feel when d’Eon and the others left you in France with barely any screen time?

Well, I had to come up with reasons for screen time, like writing letters to him and making sure to be in the background of any plot-related scenes back in France. It wasn’t ideal, but I did the best I could; I just don’t understand why d’Eon never wrote back to me.

I hope you don’t mind my bringing up painful memories, but why didn’t you run from Louis when he was slowly walking towards you with his sword in hand?

I was going to run away, but the director called me to say my contract with the show was up, and I was just so shocked that I couldn’t move.

And finally, what happened to your plans for a spin-off show with the Dauphin?

Oh, that’s still in the works, but Broglie seems to be delaying the process for some reason.

This Week in Anime

Shameless advertising in El-Cazador as the Noir and Madlax buildings are spotted (offering female Sword and Coca-Cola respectively).

“These fruits are just trying to live!”

“My magic CCTV setup is ranked among the best in the world!”

conference between grapes and lemons (as mediated by an apple) is rudely interrupted.

Oranges arrive in SaiMono land.

Anime Awards

Slowest subbed anime of the era goes to Love GetChu, for being behind series subbed this year.

Most sitting and talking of the week goes to Seirei no Moribito, as it continues to keep exposition as its stock in trade.

HARD YURI corner: Kaleido Star

When Sora Naegino joins the Kaleido Stage, she quickly learns the ways of American HARD YURI. Whilst contenting herself with partners Mia and Anna, Sora lusts after star Layla Hamilton, and after a great effort, manages to gain her recognition, tearing her away from a STRAIGHT relationship with Yuri Killian. Sora and Layla enjoy a brief yet pleasurable partnership before Layla injures herself in the bedroom, forcing her to retire from HARD YURI.

Whilst searching for a new partner, Sora once again makes do with her friends, as well as child prodigy Rosetta. Will she find happiness with a new HARD YURI partner, or has the time come to go STRAIGHT? Find out when New Wings makes it into HARD YURI corner.

OST spotlight: Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto OST 2

A series second OST always has a hard job in following the first, but Iroha does a good job, offering a solid soundtrack that pretty much equals the first. With its period flavour and mix of atmospheric action tracks and slower pieces, Iroha continues to evoke the best of other soundtracks such as the Uta game and SaiMono, whilst standing above both those examples. There’s still the obligatory remix of the main theme, but if you enjoyed the first OST, the second is required listening.rn

Notable tracks: Kumikyoku Irohanihoheto ~Soutetsu~Youjirou~Kakunojou, Kouya Ruten TV Size, Yami no Kodou, Tsurugi no Sadame, Houkai

Mini-editorial: No room for B and C titles?

A couple of weeks ago, ADV told us there was no room financially to license B and C grade anime titles, a fact I made fun of on Sunday when we learned that they had licensed Xenosaga. Whilst it is obvious that no company would want to license something they would most likely make a loss on, the irony of ADV saying this is laughable at best. What kind of person considers Samurai Gun, Yugo the Negotiator, Coyote Ragtime Show, Gokujou Seitokai and Xenosaga A grade titles? Pumpkin Scissors and Red Garden at least have the name Gonzo behind them, regardless of their actual quality, but can ADV really be said to be harvesting the cream of the crop? Yes, they are putting out some very good titles, such as PPD, Chevalier, Kurau (which I would consider A-grade, but was treated poorly in terms of waiting three years after licensing to get released) and now Air, but it seems clear that despite what they say, ADV have far from learned their lesson about not licensing any old crap. Then again, what can we expect from the instigators of the Hurai Suzumiya incident?

Harem of the week: Daisuke Niwa (DNAngel)

As if periodically turning into a Phantom Thief after his fourteenth birthday wasn’t enough, Daisuke just didn’t seem to know which girl to choose- and it didn’t help that there was a boy after his affections too.

Harem

Riku Harada: The quiet and stoic one- comes from behind to steal our hero’s heart.

Mio Hio: The annoying and flamboyant one with a tendency to slip into Engrish; an artificially created life form whose feelings for Daisuke enable her to perform a bit of dues ex machine at the end.

Towa: The Eternal Guide and (much) older woman, becomes the Niwa family’s maid and also seems interested in Daisuke’s grandfather.

Risa Harada: The initial lead girl, usually quite shallow and selfish.

Satoshi Hiwatari: He may be male, but he seems to have an interest in staying close to Daisuke.

Rivals

Dark: The Phantom Thief who resides in Daisuke’s body, plays with Risa’s affections.

Krad: Dark’s nemesis, not so much interested in girls as just causing trouble.

Takeshi Saehara: Daisuke’s friend and classmate; quickly gets a crush on Mio.

Fashion Police: Darc

This week the Fashion Police have started their cleanup of the Arc: Twilight of the Spirits world, beginning with the half-human, half-Deimos anti-hero Darc. Not blessed with the best of looks to begin with thanks to his mixed heritage, choosing a questionable mixture of sandals, armour that protects the chest even as it leaves the abdomen exposed, and some sort of scarf/beach towel combination that passes as a kilt. The poor guy did try to redeem himself with wings in the first chapter of the game, but sadly they got ripped off.

Fashion sense: F

Amusing Search Terms

Old favourites: hard yaoi, yaoi episode hard, you toube sex gay, ship videos you toube

badass manly anime review marimite: MariMite, a show truly overflowing with testosterone.

hige nipples: Hige, someone’s after your nipples.

“amigo tacos” nadie: See the power of advertising- now everyone wants a taste of Taco Taco Tacos, Oishii Tacos.

underage lovers: keep your tastes to yourself.

“Yu Gi Oh”+card+appraisals+current: Yep, that’s me, a veritable fountain of up to the minute Yu-Gi-Oh information.

Lost episode 24 ending theme: Wait, shouldn’t you at least have gone to my other blog? Not that it has music information.

flamed tops boys were: don’t kept me in suspense!

Harvest moon – How do you pick up the di: Diaper? Diamond? Diplodocus?

magical gril lyrical: Coming soon, Magical Grill George Foreman!

flame work maker/ Flame word maker: Eh?

bishie deck the halls: Deck the halls with A-rank bishies, lalalala lala lala.

dark days anime: Those were dark days, almost chaotic, one might say.

+school rumble +yuri: Ah yes, that simmering attraction between Mai and Sarah.

anime cleaners: An exciting tale of cleaners, told across 26 episodes. Will they scrub the toilet first, or leave that task until later?

anime year ago: We have regular years, and anime years.

fate stay night h-scene sound: You sick pervert, you just want to hear Rin moan, don’t you?

.hack//gu Yuri: Come on, surely there are better places to look for yuri.

how to pleasure a gay lover: He likes it from behind.

rotk hentai: “Yes, your Liang is certainly Zhuge,” whispered a pleased Liu Bei…

self-pleasure art: I may have started drawing again, but not that.