Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto parody episode 26 [end]

The troupe gathers around Kotoha’s bed as Ryouun tends her.

Ryouun: Well, it looks like she isn’t dead- in fact, you could say this whole side story about her getting attacked was rather pointless.

Shiranui goes outside.

Shiranui: Why is my storyline given so little priority? Why wasn’t I the lead? More importantly, why is there a giant Lord’s Head in the sky?

Using the power of HARD GAY, Akidzuki penetrates the BI barrier protecting Final Boss Castle. From his boss chamber, Soutetsu watches.

Soutetsu: Excellent, the final level has begun! Now I will eradicate the last remnants of HARD GAY and usher in a BI future!

Akidzuki faces off against numerous generics.

(Akidzuki: I hope the old rules still apply to main characters, otherwise I won’t survive this.)

He starts giving them Sword.

Enomoto: Gwakaka, can you really oppose the will of BI with your puny HARD GAY?

Akidzuki defeats the generics, only to find himself thrust straight into a boss battle with Kakunojo.

(Akidzuki: Wait a moment, I didn’t even get the chance to save and heal.)

Akidzuki: You may be a woman, but I don’t have to hold back! If you want to be seduced by me so badly, then so be it!

Akidzuki starts giving Kakunojo Sword, skilfully stripping off her clothes layer by layer.

(Akidzuki: Hmm, I could get used to this.)

Kakunojo returns to normal.

Enomoto: No, don’t leave me! Feel the Pleasure of the Lord’s Head once more!

As Kakunojo becomes overwhelmed by the Lord’s Head, she seems about to give Akidzuki Sword.

Kakunojo: No! I don’t want this sort of raw, intense BI anymore!

At the last moment, Akidzuki uses Blade Grab to cancel Kakunojo’s attack. He sends his HARD GAY energy through her to purify the BI from both Kakunojo and Enomoto.

Enomoto: AAAGH! Why can’t I at least get a proper boss battle?

Enomoto collapses face first onto his desk and dies. The Lord’s Head leaves him.

Kakunojo: Akidzuki, I’ve learned my lesson- women were never meant to have Sword. Take mine, and use it to increase your attack stat for the final boss battle.

Soutetsu approaches the Lord’s Head.

Soutetsu: Everything I have done up to this point has essentially been meaningless, but now it is time to take on the Lord’s Head and become the final boss!

Soutetsu takes on the Lord’s Head, begging the question as to why he didn’t just do that in the first place, causing the BI level to rise. The old men who delivered the giant cups laugh.

Old Man #1: Gwakakaka, this is great! …Why are we here again?

Old Man #2: Who cares? Let’s usher in a new world order by randomly destroying parts of Japan!

BI lightning cuts across Japan, destroying random NPC houses.

Soutetsu: In the name of final bosses everywhere, I swear to get rid of this rotten world and replace it with a brand new one!

Akidzuki arrives.

Akidzuki: Soutetsu, I knew you were committed to BI, but this is ridiculous!

Soutetsu: Say that after you have tasted my blade.

Soutetsu draws his Sword and screws on a longer handle.

Soutetsu: I think you’ll find that mine’s bigger than yours.

Akidzuki: Maybe so, but I have two.

The two men go outside to a specially prepared final boss arena. AKidzuki tries to give Soutetsu Sword.

Soutetsu: Now, now, this won’t do- activate Convenient Switch #81!

Soutetsu depresses a switch that just happens to be by his feet, causing the boss arena to rise up.

Soutetsu: If you want to prove that HARD GAY is superior, try giving it to me now!

An intense Sword battle begins.

(Soutetsu: He’s not bad, although not as good as me, of course.)

(Akidzuki: My gaydar is registering off the charts! Time to bring out my second Sword!)

Akidzuki draws his other Sword and stabs Soutetsu, infecting him with HARD GAY energy and pushing out the Lord’s Head.

Akidzuki: Time to do what I couldn’t do in episode one! Double Sword Attack- seal Lord’s Head!

Akidzuki attacks the Lord’s Head with both swords.

(Lord’s Head: AAAGH, it’s episode twenty-six! I can’t make a convenient escape to come back later!)

The Lord’s Head disintegrates and Final Boss Castle starts falling back to the ground.

Soutetsu: Thank you, Akidzuki- you freed me from my uncontrollable desire for BI, and showed me that HARD GAY has worth after all. If only I could have been strong as Ryouma, who didn’t need the aphrodisiac powers of the head.

Soutetsu slips into Flashback Mode.

Ryouma: The Lord’s Head? I don’t need something like that to attain Pleasure.

Soutetsu: Are you saying that you and I can’t be BI lovers?

Ryouma: I’m afraid not, for whilst I have dabbled in BI, HARD GAY will always be my first love.

Soutetsu: Ah- that truly is a shame.

Ryouma: Ibaragi, you must be careful- if you don’t put your Zhuge Liang down once in a while, the effort of having so much BI will crush you.

Soutetsu: I’m sorry, but I need constant BI.

The Flashback Mode ends.

Soutetsu: Ryouma must have known the intense power of the Head, and how it could make BI so powerful and dangerous. And now that I have had just enough time to say my last words, I can die.

As Soutetsu dies, Final Boss Castle turns into butterflies for no logical or readily apparent reason.

Two months later, the survivors are all living happily. Having put aside his Swords, Akidzuki bids farewell to Kakunojo as he prepares to go to Europe.

Kakunojo: The troupe and I will be waiting for you to come back and have BI with us whenever you’re ready.

(Akidzuki: As if I’m going to come back to Japan for BI when I have European HARD GAY to sample!)

Kakunojo: Oh, by the way, it’s essentially irrelevant, but Yuuyama Kakunojo is only my stage name. My real name is-

The whistle of an approaching steamer interrupts her.

Akidzuki: Yeah, whatever- you can tell me next time I see you.

(Akidzuki: Like I care, although I suppose it gives the viewers something to think about.)

Akidzuki departs on his journey.

The end.

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